Nowadays famous people are photographed by professional photographers everywhere they go. Some people say this is a good thing because the public are interested in their lives. Other people think that photographers are wrong to follow famous people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In today's world, famous individuals are constantly followed by professional photographers and journalists who capture their every move. While some people believe that this is a positive development, others argue that photographers violate their privacy by following them. In this essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and opine that photographers and journalists should respect the privacy of famous people.
On the one hand, proponents of photographing famous people argue that these individuals are public figures, and the public should know about their lives. Celebrities, often regarded as role models, influence the general public through their actions and opinions. As such, fans are naturally curious about their private lives and enjoy seeing glimpses into their world. For instance, magazines and social media platforms thrive on exclusive pictures and stories about celebrities, which cater to the demand for content related to their personal lives.
However, others believe that photographers who follow famous people cross a line by invading their privacy. While celebrities may be public figures, they are also individuals entitled to their own personal space and time. Constant surveillance by photographers can lead to undue stress, anxiety, and even dangerous situations. For example, some paparazzi have been known to engage in reckless behaviour, chasing celebrities in high-speed pursuits, putting both famous individuals and the public at risk.
In my opinion, while the public's interest in celebrities is undeniable, the right to privacy should take a much higher precedence. Photographers should exercise more ethical standards and respect the boundaries of personal space, allowing celebrities to live without constant scrutiny.
In conclusion, although the public's fascination with famous people is understandable, it is crucial to respect their privacy. Photographers should prioritize ethical behaviour and acknowledge that everyone, regardless of their fame, deserves to enjoy their personal lives without intrusion.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct fixed expression Original: take a much higher precedence Suggested revision: take precedence Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'take precedence'; it is not normally modified with 'a higher'.
- 2. Correct collocation Original: exercise more ethical standards Suggested revision: adhere to higher ethical standards Why it matters: People adhere to standards rather than exercise them.
- 3. Use neutral phrasing Original: capture their every move Suggested revision: document their daily activities Why it matters: The replacement is more precise and less idiomatic for an academic discussion.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: violate their privacy Suggested revision: invade their privacy Why it matters: 'Invade someone's privacy' is the more established collocation in this context.
- 5. Use natural reporting verb Original: opine that Suggested revision: argue that Why it matters: 'Argue' expresses the writer's reasoned position more naturally in academic prose.
- 6. Refine the claim Original: the public should know Suggested revision: the public should be informed Why it matters: This phrasing conveys the same claim in a more formal and concise way.
- 7. Tighten figurative wording Original: glimpses into their world Suggested revision: glimpses of their lives Why it matters: The replacement communicates the intended idea more directly.
- 8. Choose formal noun Original: exclusive pictures Suggested revision: exclusive photographs Why it matters: 'Photographs' is slightly more precise in a discussion of professional photography.
- 9. Clarify the reference Original: which cater to the demand Suggested revision: thereby meeting the demand Why it matters: The replacement makes the result relationship clear and avoids an ambiguous relative-clause reference.
- 10. Remove redundancy Original: own personal space Suggested revision: personal space Why it matters: 'Personal' already conveys that the space belongs to the individual.
- 11. Strengthen idea progression Suggested revision: Link the role-model point explicitly to the following claim about why fans seek information about celebrities' lives. Why it matters: A clearer logical bridge would improve progression from public influence to public curiosity.
- 12. Stage the risk argument Suggested revision: Present the privacy principle first, then the emotional effects, and finish with the high-speed-pursuit example as the strongest consequence. Why it matters: This sequence would create a clearer progression from principle to increasingly serious effects.
Suggested Rewrites
- take a much higher precedence take precedence
- exercise more ethical standards adhere to higher ethical standards
- capture their every move document their daily activities
- violate their privacy invade their privacy
- opine that argue that
- the public should know the public should be informed
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both viewpoints directly, maintains a clear position, and supports each side with relevant, well-developed reasoning and examples. Its organisation and language are consistently controlled, though the separate opinion and conclusion paragraphs repeat similar ideas, and a few collocations are slightly unnatural. To strengthen an already effective essay, make the positive case more analytical and refine phrases concerning precedence and ethical standards.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed, the position is clear throughout, and the main ideas are relevant and well supported.
Add slightly deeper analysis of why public interest might justify photography to make the treatment of the first view equally nuanced.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced in focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used clearly and effectively.
Reduce repetition between the opinion paragraph and conclusion so each paragraph contributes a distinct function.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used flexibly, with only occasional slightly unnatural collocations.
Refine isolated phrases by using natural combinations such as take precedence and follow higher ethical standards.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few minor imperfections do not impede communication.
Maintain the same control while varying sentence openings and checking the phrasing of longer comparative statements.