Do you believe that professional athletes make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples
Sample Response
From my viewpoint, young people are influenced by the adults' behaviourgrown-up people's behaviour in many cases. They also mimic their favourite actors, singers, sportspersons, which is whysportspersons and that is why professional athletessportsmen or sportswomen have to pay more attention to their behaviourattitudes and they should be aware of how they affect young people's livesyouth's lives.
Athletes are watched by peopleare the people who are being observed by many people from all over the world and this popularity means responsibility. Consequently, what I mean by responsibilityConsequently what I meant with responsibility is how sports people behave in their daily life. On the one handIn one hand, engaging with sport might even make every man or womanwomen stronger and healthier. For exampleNamely, young people who watch sportyouth who are watching sport will be encouraged by athletes' health and lifestylesathletes' health and also the lifestyle. Furthermore, they will become more eager to becomebeing athletes.
On the other hand, despite these athletes who have undeniably good lifestyle and health, undoubtedly there are also sports people who have a vast popularity but haven't got a bit of ethic. In spite of their considerable wealththeir bulk money, they waste the money whimsically. But they don't choose to donate to charitydo a charity instead. So it is evident that these people's lifestyle cannot be a prime example for youth. Thus professional athletes should not neglect their daily life and must take their influence on young peopletheir role on youth into account.
Again, the way they appear in front of media, they fashion trends that follow and the way they speak or behave are often mimicked by people. They are already role models for many and they can positively influence others, especially the young generation. A new hairstyle by David Beckham would definitely become a fashion trend among many youngsters. They can definitely become the role model of many young people especially who have passions for sports. The good example the sports persons set through personal life, appearance, charity works can create a very positive image to others and thus they have a greater influence on the young generation.
To sum up, in spite of the youth can be easily manipulated by other people, the professional athletes through their works and behaviours can set positive examples and can become role models for the young generation.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay recognises that athletes already influence young people and offers relevant discussion of healthy lifestyles, charity, behaviour, and media visibility. Its main limitation is that the overall positive position emerges late, while several examples are weakly connected and frequent language errors make some sentences difficult to interpret. Prioritise stating the judgement immediately and building two focused reasons with clear examples of conduct young people could beneficially imitate.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response offers a qualified positive view and several relevant reasons and examples, but the central judgement is delayed and some support concerns influence without proving good role modelling.
State clearly in the introduction whether athletes are generally good models, then connect every example to a beneficial behaviour young people could copy.
Coherence and Cohesion
The five-paragraph structure gives broad progression, but incorrect signposts and the return to positive points after the negative paragraph make the sequence uneven.
Organise the body into one focused paragraph on positive modelling and one on limitations before giving a final balanced judgement.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary, but frequent unnatural combinations such as 'vast popularity', 'bulk money', and 'do a charity' sometimes obscure meaning.
Use natural expressions such as 'enormous popularity', 'considerable wealth', 'support charities', and 'influence on young people'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay attempts varied sentence forms, but frequent errors in agreement, complements, articles, and clause construction often strain clarity.
Correct core patterns such as 'men and women', 'eager to become athletes', and 'although young people can be easily influenced'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Do you believe that professional athletes make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.