The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000, there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on the British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. What are your views on this issue?
Sample Response
In today’s fast-moving world where cars play an important role, it is believed by a majority of people that transportation by private mode or private car is more convenient and simple. Whereas others differ in the opinion that public transport is the best option in many aspects. However, I believe that travelling by public vehicles is a good option for the following reasons. First, various transport modes are there and they can carry the majority of passengers at a time which consumes the same fuel and occupy the road. Private cars which carry one person to four maximum is a way of consuming more fuel, to block more space in the road and cause traffic problems.
On the other hand, metro rail mode of transportation is simple and fast which is better than cars and buses. Loophole with this one is that it cannot cover all streets. This metro carries passengers from one station to another destination both bus and metro rails reduce the pollutions compared to the private travelling. Otherwise, carpool is the next option for transport, but the above all they are handier when time management is considered. Certainly, alternative transports are mandatory and citizens must be aware of this concept moreover international control should be introduced to prevent private car ownership. These actions lead us to save petrol and diesel for coming generations where it cannot be manufactured If new cars come on roads every day, it leads to traffic problem and a lot of time consumption is noticed to travel shot or near distance and hence travellers should notice and use bicycles to cover surrounding areas which burn human energy and adds health benefits. Lastly, utilisation of personal vehicles must be controlled for daily transportation simultaneously passengers should look after the public mode of travelling.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: transportation by private mode or private car Suggested revision: travel by private car Why it matters: The replacement removes redundancy and uses the natural expression for private travel.
- 2. Avoid redundant wording Original: more convenient and simple Suggested revision: more convenient Why it matters: Convenient already conveys ease, so simple adds little distinct meaning.
- 3. Fix sentence fragment Original: Whereas others differ in the opinion that Suggested revision: Others, however, believe that Why it matters: Whereas leaves the sentence as a dependent fragment, while the revision creates a complete clause.
- 4. Use standard term Original: public vehicles Suggested revision: public transport Why it matters: Public transport is the standard collective term for buses, trains, and similar services.
- 5. Use natural word order Original: various transport modes are there Suggested revision: various modes of public transport are available Why it matters: The revision replaces the unnatural existential word order with a clear subject and verb.
- 6. Avoid unsupported quantity Original: the majority of passengers at a time Suggested revision: many passengers at once Why it matters: Many states the intended high capacity without incorrectly implying most passengers everywhere.
- 7. Fix clause agreement Original: which consumes the same fuel and occupy the road Suggested revision: while using the same amount of fuel and road space Why it matters: The participial phrase removes the unclear relative-clause subject and keeps the two resources parallel.
- 8. Express range correctly Original: one person to four maximum Suggested revision: between one and four people Why it matters: Between one and four is the grammatical form for this numerical range.
- 9. Create parallel verbs Original: is a way of consuming more fuel, to block more space in the road and cause traffic problems Suggested revision: consume more fuel, occupy more road space, and cause traffic problems Why it matters: The plural subject needs a plural verb followed by three parallel actions.
- 10. Use concise term Original: metro rail mode of transportation Suggested revision: metro transport Why it matters: The replacement names the transport mode without an awkward stack of nouns.
- 11. Name limitation clearly Original: Loophole with this one Suggested revision: One limitation of the metro Why it matters: Loophole refers to a gap in a rule, not a transport system's limited coverage.
- 12. Separate run-on clauses Original: another destination both bus and metro rails reduce the pollutions Suggested revision: another destination. Both buses and metro systems reduce pollution Why it matters: A full stop separates the independent ideas, and pollution is uncountable in this general sense.
Suggested Rewrites
- transportation by private mode or private car travel by private car
- more convenient and simple more convenient
- Whereas others differ in the opinion that Others, however, believe that
- public vehicles public transport
- various transport modes are there various modes of public transport are available
- the majority of passengers at a time many passengers at once
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents a clear preference for public transport and identifies several relevant benefits of limiting private-car use. Its impact is reduced by underdeveloped discussion of international controls, loosely connected ideas, and frequent grammatical and word-choice errors that sometimes strain readability. The highest-priority improvement is to organise two distinct, fully explained reasons into separate paragraphs and edit each sentence for agreement, punctuation, and precise transport vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response gives a clear view and relevant reasons for alternative transport and ownership controls, but several ideas are only briefly asserted or unclear.
Explain how an international ownership policy would operate and support that view with one specific, fully developed example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main position can be followed, but inadequate paragraphing, long run-on sequences, and misused linking expressions weaken progression.
Divide the argument into focused paragraphs and use simple, accurate transitions to show addition, contrast, and result.
Lexical Resource
There is enough transport-related vocabulary to discuss the topic, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace awkward expressions with standard transport collocations and check plural and countable noun forms throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent agreement, article, punctuation, and sentence-boundary errors sometimes hinder reading.
Write shorter complete sentences first, then check subject-verb agreement and punctuation before combining ideas into complex structures.