Nowadays plastic money replacements such as credit and debit cards are extremely popular, even more than banknotes and coins. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.
Sample Response
In recent years, there has been a shift in the way people use money, with plastic money replacements such as credit and debit cards becoming increasingly popular. While these new forms of payment offer certain benefits, they also present several drawbacks. In this essay, we will explore the advantages and disadvantages of using plastic money replacements.
One advantage of using plastic money replacements like debit or credit card is convenience. Unlike traditional banknotes and coins, credit and debit cards are small and easy to carry, allowing users to make purchases quickly and easily without having to worry about carrying large amounts of cash. Additionally, many credit and debit cards now offer contactless payment options, making transactions even faster and more efficient. Another advantage of using plastic money replacements is security. Traditional banknotes and coins are vulnerable to theft and loss, but credit and debit cards are often protected by advanced security features such as PIN codes and encryption, making them much safer and more secure than traditional cash.
However, there are also several disadvantages to using plastic money replacements. One significant drawback is the risk of overspending. With traditional cash, users are limited to the amount of money they have on hand, but with credit and debit cards, users can spend beyond their means and accumulate debt. Another disadvantage of using plastic money replacements is the potential for fraud and identity theft. While credit and debit cards offer security features, they are still vulnerable to hacking and other cyberattacks, putting users' personal and financial information at risk.
In conclusion, plastic money replacements offer certain advantages such as convenience and security but also present several drawbacks including the risk of overspending and the potential for fraud and identity theft. To address these issues, it is important for users to be responsible with their spending and to take appropriate measures to protect their personal and financial information.
Advantages of using plastic money (i.e. credit and debit cards): 1. The convenience of doing transactions from home. 2. Has global acceptance. 3. These cards easily fit into our wallets. 4. Reduces the risk of carrying a huge sum of money. 5. Facilitates online payments. 6. Enables small business owners to run business 24/7. 7. Offers credit facility and instalment facility. 8. The risk of theft and loss is minimised. 9. Supports the growth of eCommerce. 10. Requires less time to process the transaction. Disadvantages of using plastic money (i.e. credit and debit cards): 1. Not accepted by small vendors. 2. Sometimes the payment is rejected due to technical problems. 3. Such cards may impose high interests on the owner. 4. Plastic cards often are responsible for the impulsive shopping habits of people. 5. Vulnerable to hacking, data theft, misuse and fraud. 6. High-value transactions are often not possible. 7. Sometimes impose additional service charges.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise payment term Original: plastic money replacements such as credit and debit cards Suggested revision: card payments Why it matters: Card payments is a natural concise term for the stated forms of plastic money.
- 2. Use direct essay signpost Original: In this essay, we will explore Suggested revision: This essay examines Why it matters: The direct signpost is more concise and avoids an unnecessary first-person reference.
- 3. Use plural cards Original: debit or credit card Suggested revision: debit or credit cards Why it matters: The general category requires a plural count noun.
- 4. Remove redundant adverbs Original: quickly and easily Suggested revision: quickly Why it matters: Quickly already conveys ease in this purchase context.
- 5. Simplify carrying phrase Original: without having to worry about carrying Suggested revision: without carrying Why it matters: The shorter phrase preserves the practical benefit directly.
- 6. Avoid repeated security Original: much safer and more secure Suggested revision: much more secure Why it matters: Safer and more secure repeat the same idea.
- 7. Use transaction collocation Original: doing transactions Suggested revision: making transactions Why it matters: Transactions are made rather than done.
- 8. Add sentence subject Original: Has global acceptance. Suggested revision: They are accepted globally. Why it matters: The bullet needs an explicit subject and finite verb.
- 9. Place adverb naturally Original: These cards easily fit Suggested revision: These cards fit easily Why it matters: Easily follows the verb when describing how the cards fit.
- 10. Use cash phrase Original: a huge sum of money Suggested revision: large sums of cash Why it matters: The plural phrase suits the general risk of carrying cash.
- 11. Add plural subject Original: Facilitates online payments. Suggested revision: They facilitate online payments. Why it matters: The bullet is a sentence fragment without a subject.
- 12. Use possessive plural Original: run business Suggested revision: run their businesses Why it matters: Multiple owners operate their individual businesses.
Suggested Rewrites
- plastic money replacements such as credit and debit cards card payments
- In this essay, we will explore This essay examines
- debit or credit card debit or credit cards
- quickly and easily quickly
- without having to worry about carrying without carrying
- much safer and more secure much more secure
Why this response received Band 7.0
The core essay is clear, balanced, and develops four relevant advantages and disadvantages with logical explanations. Its main limitation is the large numbered notes section added after the conclusion: it repeats earlier points, introduces undeveloped claims, and breaks the essay's progression and formal finish. Remove that appended list and use the saved space to add one concrete example within each body paragraph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The continuous essay addresses both sides with developed points on convenience, security, overspending, and fraud, but the appended list adds many undeveloped claims.
Remove the notes list and deepen the main essay with a specific example showing one benefit and one risk in practice.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion are logically organised, but the long post-conclusion list severely disrupts progression and creates repetition.
End the response at the conclusion and integrate only the most valuable additional point into a focused body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally clear and appropriate for payments and financial risk, although "plastic money replacements" is repeated heavily and the list reduces stylistic flexibility.
Vary the central term with precise alternatives such as "card payments," "cashless transactions," and "payment cards."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The main essay uses varied, mostly accurate structures, while the appended notes contain numerous fragments and occasional agreement or word-form errors.
Present all retained ideas as complete sentences and correct forms such as "high interest rates" and "cards can encourage impulsive shopping."
Use this task for your next draft
Feedback is more useful when you actively apply it in a draft, rather than only recognising improvements on the page.
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.
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