The amount of sport shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sports events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Modern day technology has enabled us to be up to date on international affairs across the globe, including sports events. Based on the fast progression of satellite engineering, it is safe to presume that the current amount of television coverage will undoubtedly increase further in the years to come. Live sports events have already been influenced by the phenomenon; there is, however, both benefits and drawbacks.
Some have called television "man's new best friend", with its spectacular live-streaming abilities, making it possible for viewers to savour the excitement and thrills of a being at a live event at the comfort of one's couch. Not to mention, constant replays also breaks down the invisible time zone barriers. Another bonus is the possibility of abolishing "sports racism"－extortionate ticket prices usually meant only the privileged went to live sports events, thus inspiring more people to participate in sports events. On the contrast, the disadvantages of having so many sports on television are the general decline in ticket sales, this is especially evident in smaller sports and games. In addition, without a live crowd to cheer them on, it will unquestioningly have an impact on the athletes' morale. If circumstances worsen, it just might put minor leagues or teams out of business. While televised sport has created many opportunities, it is also responsible for irreversibly changing the nature of live sports events. Whether it is a change for good or not, it is in my opinion that the benefits slightly outweigh the disadvantages.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Compound adjective Original: Modern day technology Suggested revision: Modern-day technology Why it matters: Use the hyphenated form before a noun.
- 2. Word choice Original: satellite engineering Suggested revision: broadcasting technology Why it matters: This is more natural for televised sport.
- 3. Agreement error Original: there is, however, both benefits and drawbacks Suggested revision: there are, however, both benefits and drawbacks Why it matters: Use plural verb with plural complement.
- 4. Article error Original: a being at a live event Suggested revision: being at a live event Why it matters: Remove the extra article.
- 5. Preposition error Original: at the comfort of one's couch Suggested revision: from the comfort of one’s couch Why it matters: Use the fixed phrase.
- 6. Agreement error Original: constant replays also breaks Suggested revision: constant replays also break Why it matters: Plural subject needs plural verb.
- 7. Wrong phrase Original: sports racism Suggested revision: social exclusion in sport Why it matters: Ticket prices are not “sports racism”.
- 8. Incorrect linker Original: On the contrast Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: Use the standard phrase.
- 9. Noun choice Original: so many sports on television are Suggested revision: so much sport on television is Why it matters: “Sport” is uncountable here.
- 10. Comma splice Original: ticket sales, this is especially evident Suggested revision: ticket sales; this is especially evident Why it matters: Use a semicolon or new sentence.
- 11. Overstatement Original: irreversibly changing Suggested revision: significantly changing Why it matters: “Irreversibly” is too strong without support.
- 12. Awkward clause Original: it is in my opinion that Suggested revision: in my opinion, Why it matters: This removes an unnatural structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- Modern day technology Modern-day technology
- satellite engineering broadcasting technology
- there is, however, both benefits and drawbacks there are, however, both benefits and drawbacks
- a being at a live event being at a live event
- at the comfort of one's couch from the comfort of one’s couch
- constant replays also breaks constant replays also break
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay covers both benefits and disadvantages and gives a clear view that benefits slightly outweigh drawbacks, but the reasoning is compressed.
Explain how each point affects live sports events and why the benefits are stronger overall.
Coherence and Cohesion
The progression is understandable, but the one-paragraph format and comma splices weaken coherence.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, benefits, disadvantages, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is fairly strong and varied, though some ambitious phrases are inaccurate or awkward.
Keep the range but replace phrases such as sports racism and satellite engineering with precise wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a useful range of grammar, but agreement, articles, and sentence-boundary errors reduce accuracy.
Check subject-verb agreement and split comma splices into separate sentences.