The amount of sport shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sports events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Modern-day technologyModern day technology has enabled us to be up to date on international affairs across the globe, including sports events. Based on the fast progression of broadcasting technologysatellite engineering, it is safe to presume that the current amount of television coverage will undoubtedly increase further in the years to come. Live sports events have already been influenced by the phenomenon; there areis, however, both benefits and drawbacks.
Some have called television "man's new best friend", with its spectacular live-streaming abilities, making it possible for viewers to savour the excitement and thrills of being at a live eventa being at a live event from the comfort of one’s couchat the comfort of one's couch. Not to mention, constant replays also breakbreaks down the invisible time zone barriers. Another bonus is the possibility of abolishing "social exclusion in sportsports racism"－extortionate ticket prices usually meant only the privileged went to live sports events, thus inspiring more people to participate in sports events. By contrastOn the contrast, the disadvantages of having so much sport on television isso many sports on television are the general decline in ticket sales; this is especially evidentticket sales, this is especially evident in smaller sports and games. In addition, without a live crowd to cheer them on, it will unquestioningly have an impact on the athletes' morale. If circumstances worsen, it just might put minor leagues or teams out of business. While televised sport has created many opportunities, it is also responsible for significantlyirreversibly changing the nature of live sports events. Whether it is a change for good or not, in my opinion,it is in my opinion that the benefits slightly outweigh the disadvantages.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear position and uses reasonably varied vocabulary to cover both the benefits and drawbacks of televised sport. Its main weakness is that promising points are compressed, while the single-paragraph structure and recurring sentence-boundary and agreement errors reduce clarity. The highest priority is to separate the argument into purposeful paragraphs and develop each point far enough to show why the benefits ultimately outweigh the disadvantages.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay covers both benefits and disadvantages and gives a clear view that benefits slightly outweigh drawbacks, but the reasoning is compressed.
Explain how each point affects live sports events and why the benefits are stronger overall.
Coherence and Cohesion
The progression is understandable, but the one-paragraph format and comma splices weaken coherence.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, benefits, disadvantages, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is fairly strong and varied, though some ambitious phrases are inaccurate or awkward.
Keep the range but replace phrases such as sports racism and satellite engineering with precise wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a useful range of grammar, but agreement, articles, and sentence-boundary errors reduce accuracy.
Check subject-verb agreement and split comma splices into separate sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The amount of sport shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sports events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.