Some people believe that exploring outer space is important because it expands human knowledge and might lead to discoveries that will benefit humanity in the future. Other people believe that space exploration is a waste of money that could be better spent solving immediate problems here on Earth. Which point of view do you agree with?
Sample Response
It is a true fact to consider that there has been a great debate on whether to spend a huge amount of money to explore outer space or not. Considering this, there are some analysts who hold an opinion that spending money for the exploring outer space is most important due to the expansion of human knowledge, while other consider that as a money wasting activity and opine that it can be better used to mitigate some urgent matters we have in this world. This essay will show assertion on both sides of the contention before arriving at a reasonable conclusion. First and foremost, poverty could be a significant factor why space research should be given less priority. It is generally seen thousands of people everyday starve or lack from very basic human needs. A large number of people in the world are still struggling to find foods, clothes, medicines etc. and the amount of money we are spending just to reach further in the space or to know more is overwhelming. So many people consider space research as an unnecessary activity while they focus on eliminating more pressing problems are living in. Fatal diseases could be another burning problem that needs more research and prevention. So money and manpower used for space exploration are not justified to many.
There are some groups who are in favour of spending more money to explore outer space for the improvement of human knowledge, in spite of views discussed above regarding waste of money that are valid reasons for spending money for the exploring outer space. These groups of people believe that space exploration is required for our own benefits: to search for other intelligent species, to understand the universe, to find more resources for human or even to find a suitable place in another planet for human to live. They believe that wars, crime and corruptions are causing more problems and costing more than the outer space exploration. They feel that we should understand the model of our universe and learn the history of it for the greater good of human.
In summary, undoubtedly, spending a portion of the budget to explore outer space should be allowed; however, as far as I am concerned, governments should take more responsibilities to improve nations and ensure basic human needs before spending too much on outer world research.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: a true fact to consider Suggested revision: a fact Why it matters: The words 'true' and 'to consider' add unnecessary repetition to 'fact'.
- 2. Correct verb form Original: for the exploring outer space Suggested revision: on exploring outer space Why it matters: The gerund phrase requires the preposition 'on' and no article before 'exploring'.
- 3. Fix agreement Original: while other consider Suggested revision: while others consider Why it matters: The plural pronoun 'others' is needed as the subject of 'consider'.
- 4. Use natural phrase Original: a money wasting activity Suggested revision: a wasteful activity Why it matters: 'Wasteful activity' is the natural expression for an activity that wastes money.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: show assertion on both sides Suggested revision: present arguments on both sides Why it matters: Essays 'present arguments' rather than 'show assertion' in this context.
- 6. Choose precise noun Original: a significant factor why Suggested revision: a significant reason why Why it matters: 'Reason why' correctly expresses the cause of giving research less priority.
- 7. Use adverb phrase Original: everyday Suggested revision: every day Why it matters: The two-word adverbial phrase is required when the meaning is 'each day'.
- 8. Correct expression Original: lack from very basic human needs Suggested revision: lack basic necessities Why it matters: People lack necessities; they do not 'lack from' human needs.
- 9. Use uncountable nouns Original: find foods, clothes, medicines Suggested revision: obtain food, clothing, and medicine Why it matters: These nouns are normally uncountable when referring generally to basic necessities.
- 10. Improve spatial wording Original: reach further in the space Suggested revision: travel farther into space Why it matters: 'Farther into space' expresses physical distance more naturally and precisely.
- 11. Restore missing subject Original: more pressing problems are living in Suggested revision: more pressing problems they face Why it matters: The clause needs a subject and a verb that can logically take 'problems' as its object.
- 12. Untangle concession Original: in spite of views discussed above regarding waste of money that are valid reasons Suggested revision: despite the valid concerns discussed above about wasting money Why it matters: The replacement removes the faulty relative clause and makes the concession grammatical.
Suggested Rewrites
- a true fact to consider a fact
- for the exploring outer space on exploring outer space
- while other consider while others consider
- a money wasting activity a wasteful activity
- show assertion on both sides present arguments on both sides
- a significant factor why a significant reason why
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s clearest strength is its relevant consideration of both immediate human needs and possible long-term benefits of space exploration, ending with a qualified but identifiable position. However, ideas are mostly asserted in general terms, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical errors weaken precision and fluency. The highest priority is to develop fewer points with specific explanation and examples, then edit sentences for natural phrasing and agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both positions and reaches a clear qualified view, but supporting ideas remain broad and only partly developed.
Develop each main reason through a specific consequence or example that clearly supports the final position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a generally logical progression, although the oversized first paragraph and some overloaded sentences weaken clarity.
Separate the introduction from the first main argument and keep each paragraph focused on one controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent unnatural collocations and word-form choices reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as generalised noun combinations with natural collocations and check singular, plural, and countability choices.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, prepositions, and sentence construction are noticeable.
Prioritise accurate clause boundaries and subject-verb agreement before adding further complexity to sentences.
Use this task for your next draft
Feedback is more useful when you actively apply it in a draft, rather than only recognising improvements on the page.
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