Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others. Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. Do you agree or disagree with this view?
Sample Response
One can safely assume that in every learning environment there is at least one student who is boisterous and has behavioural problems. Some people are of the opinion that they can have a negative impact on their colleagues. Putting them all together in a group is an effective way to create a conducive learning environment. However, apropos of the statement, I am in consummate discord with it. The bases for my opinion are psychological and academic. From a psychological viewpoint, it is widely spread that students who do not receive sufficient attention at home are more prone to bad behavioural problem than those who do. As a result, they will use all means possible, namely behaving badly to obtain the much-needed attention from their teachers. Thus, grouping students with disruptive tendencies together is not the most appropriate solution as it will only make them feel more ostracised. From an academic point of view, putting disobedient students in one class will only limit their educational opportunities and further discourage the students. It will be hard for the teachers to educate the students when they are all disobedient and at the end of the day, nothing will get done. It appears that combining the students, regardless of whether or not they're rebellious, will serve as a more effective solution. On the one hand, teachers will have an easier time controlling the student and figuring out what measures to take with each student. On the other hand, having a well-behaving and intelligent student in the class will serve as a role model for the disobedient students. Consequently, disobedient students will somehow feel compelled to emulate the role model and change for the better.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use school term Original: colleagues Suggested revision: classmates Why it matters: Classmates is the accurate term for fellow students in this context.
- 2. Tighten phrasing Original: Putting them all together in a group Suggested revision: Grouping them together Why it matters: The shorter phrase states the proposed action more directly.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: apropos of the statement Suggested revision: regarding this proposal Why it matters: The replacement is more natural and precisely refers to the policy under discussion.
- 4. Avoid strained wording Original: in consummate discord with it Suggested revision: completely opposed to it Why it matters: The replacement expresses strong disagreement in clear, idiomatic language.
- 5. Use measured claim Original: will serve as a more effective solution Suggested revision: would be a more effective solution Why it matters: The modal would presents this proposed alternative more appropriately.
- 6. Correct collocation Original: it is widely spread that Suggested revision: it is widely believed that Why it matters: Beliefs are widely held or believed, not widely spread in this construction.
- 7. Fix noun phrase Original: more prone to bad behavioural problem Suggested revision: more prone to behavioural problems Why it matters: The count noun needs a plural form, and bad is redundant here.
- 8. Use natural quantifier Original: use all means possible Suggested revision: use any means possible Why it matters: Any means possible is the more idiomatic expression for unrestricted methods.
- 9. Clarify example Original: namely behaving badly to obtain Suggested revision: including behaving badly to gain Why it matters: Including introduces this example more naturally, while gain collocates well with attention.
- 10. Sharpen comparison Original: feel more ostracised Suggested revision: feel even more ostracised Why it matters: Even more clearly signals an increase in an existing sense of exclusion.
- 11. Avoid repetition Original: further discourage the students Suggested revision: discourage them further Why it matters: The pronoun avoids repeating students while keeping the reference clear.
- 12. Clarify result link Original: when they are all disobedient and at the end of the day Suggested revision: when every student is disruptive; as a result Why it matters: The replacement makes the causal relationship explicit and avoids an informal linker.
Suggested Rewrites
- colleagues classmates
- Putting them all together in a group Grouping them together
- apropos of the statement regarding this proposal
- in consummate discord with it completely opposed to it
- will serve as a more effective solution would be a more effective solution
- it is widely spread that it is widely believed that
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement and develops relevant psychological and academic reasons, with a practical alternative that keeps the argument focused. Its main weakness is presentation and language control: the essay is not divided into paragraphs, and several ambitious phrases sound unnatural or imprecise. Prioritise clear paragraphing and more idiomatic word combinations while retaining the strong line of reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and supported with relevant psychological and academic arguments plus an alternative approach.
Develop the proposed mixed-class solution more critically and close with an explicit synthesis of the position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through distinct reasons, but the complete absence of paragraph breaks weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, the alternative solution, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and sometimes sophisticated, although several choices and collocations are unnatural or imprecise.
Prefer idiomatic combinations such as behavioural problems and strongly disagree over unnecessarily ornate or awkward expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures communicates meaning clearly, with recurring but non-impeding errors in agreement, articles, and noun forms.
Proofread noun phrases and agreement carefully, especially plural forms and references such as student versus students.
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