More and more women go out to work. Is it the government's responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staff and facilities to care for their children? To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?
Sample Response
The rapid development of the economy and societydevelopment of economy and society has significantly improvedresults in the significant improvement of women's social status. More and more women, previously confined to childcare and household choresconfined to babysitting and chores previously, have moved beyond the homestepped out of their family and become career women. But in the meantime, career women are confronted with considerable challengesnuisances, one of which is childcareone of which is baby caring. Women's participation in employmentparticipation in the employment contributes a great deal to societyto the society. Thanks to women's patiencethe women's patience, warmth and carefulness, most women are employed as secretaries, nurses, consultants and babysitters. But due to the pressure from work and family, they cannot concentrate fully on their work. Some governments have adoptedSome countries and governments adopted some active measures to address the conflictresolve the contradiction, such as the policy of flexible working hourspolicy of feasible working time, which gives women greater flexibilityrenders women some freedom. However, this is not a radical solution. From my point of view, the government should subsidise women in baby caring and provide free childcare facilitiescharge-free facilities and staff members to relieve women of their pressure. On the one hand, women can focus onfocus themselves on their work and study, with no distraction from their family and children. In return, factories and companies can benefit a lot from the subsidy programmepractice of subsidiary, which exempts them from the losses caused by female absentees. On the other hand, children enjoy their right to the education. Many countries give priority to children's education, providing children with free elementary schooling, which not only popularises knowledge but also cultivates skilled talent for the society. Besides, the United Nations have issued relevant laws and regulations with a view to protecting children's educational right. To draw the conclusion, a government should spare no effort to relieve women of their burdens and shoulder the responsibility of children's education, which is not only a government's obligation but also people's appeal.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay states firm agreement and gives a relevant central argument that childcare support would help working mothers concentrate and reduce employers’ losses. Its main limitation is focus: the second half shifts from free childcare staff and facilities to elementary education and broad legal rights, while stereotyped claims about women’s occupations weaken the case; prioritise developing how accessible childcare would benefit families, employers and children directly, with concrete funding or provision examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and workplace benefits are relevantly developed, but the education-rights argument only partly addresses government-funded childcare and some background claims are stereotyped.
Develop two direct reasons for subsidised childcare, such as parental employment and children’s safe early development, and explain how the proposed staff and facilities would work.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument moves recognisably from context to position, workplace benefits, children and conclusion, but the entire essay is one paragraph and some logical shifts are abrupt.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction and position, employment benefits, child benefits and conclusion, with each body paragraph tied explicitly to childcare provision.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad formal range, but frequent unnatural collocations such as baby caring, feasible working time, charge-free facilities and practice of subsidiary reduce precision.
Use childcare, flexible working hours, free childcare facilities, government subsidies and employee absences consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures communicates the argument clearly overall, though article, pronoun, agreement and complementation errors occur repeatedly.
Correct patterns such as participate in employment, focus on their work, benefit from the subsidy and protect children’s right to education.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more women go out to work. Is it the government's responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staff and facilities to care for their children? To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.