Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Tertiary education, even though is directed towards lucrative employment opportunities for the learners, have a diverse facet. It aims at more than just preparing participants for jobs. This essay discusses how university education helps build a better career and also offers many extensive applications towards personal growth and social benefits.
To commence with how university education helps learners get better jobs after graduating from university, it is undeniable that most lucrative job applications demand at least a university degree. For example, most prestigious jobs that come with better job security and pay scale have higher job requirements, and without university educations, it is difficult to apply for such jobs, let alone secure one. As universities teach pupils the subject matter knowledge extensively and help them learn some important soft skills, they get ready to take the professional challenges more adeptly than their counterparts. Moreover, both in developed and developing countries, postgraduates are able to command a considerable higher salary at their workplace when compared to employees with just a high school diploma. Finally, some highly respected and demanding professions, like those of doctors, pilots, engineers, architects and scientists can only be pursued, after graduating from the respective university courses. Considering all these aspects, it is undeniable that university education is perceived as a means of better employability.
However, apart from preparing learners to secure lucrative and prestigious jobs after graduating, tertiary education also benefits the nation by creating educated societies, containing an immense pool of forward-thinking and enlightened individuals, who can contribute towards social development by their respective expertise. They become the leaders of tomorrow and their decisions and actions shape the community, society and the whole country. As universities have taught them skills that are useful to lead those positions, tertiary education, directly and indirectly, is immensely benefitting the country. For example, most leaders and entrepreneurs in my country are graduates of different universities and they are contributing to the development of nations from the skills they have learned from their university education. Finally, numerous long-lasting friendships, business partnerships and courtships also bloom from the university campus life that economically supports the nation.
To conclude, apart from generating healthy employment, university education serves individuals, communities and society to a great extent. So it has great social and individual significance as well.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing subject Original: even though is directed Suggested revision: even though it is directed Why it matters: The concessive clause needs a subject.
- 2. Agreement error Original: have a diverse facet Suggested revision: has diverse facets Why it matters: The subject "education" is singular.
- 3. Natural phrase Original: many extensive applications Suggested revision: many wider benefits Why it matters: "Applications" is not the best word for benefits of education.
- 4. Simpler transition Original: To commence with how Suggested revision: To begin with, Why it matters: The original transition is wordy and awkward.
- 5. Uncountable noun Original: without university educations Suggested revision: without a university education Why it matters: Use the singular phrase for the qualification generally.
- 6. Correct collocation Original: take the professional challenges Suggested revision: take on professional challenges Why it matters: The phrasal verb is "take on."
- 7. Adverb form Original: considerable higher salary Suggested revision: considerably higher salary Why it matters: Use the adverb to modify the adjective.
- 8. More precise phrase Original: demanding professions Suggested revision: highly specialised professions Why it matters: "Demanding" can mean difficult, but the point is qualification requirements.
- 9. Remove comma Original: can only be pursued, after Suggested revision: can only be pursued after Why it matters: Do not put a comma between the verb and its prepositional phrase.
- 10. Avoid comma splice Original: educated societies, containing Suggested revision: educated societies that contain Why it matters: This creates a clearer relative clause.
- 11. Preferred spelling Original: benefitting the country Suggested revision: benefiting the country Why it matters: The single-t spelling is the more common form.
- 12. Precise meaning Original: healthy employment Suggested revision: stable employment Why it matters: "Healthy employment" is not a natural collocation here.
Suggested Rewrites
- even though is directed even though it is directed
- have a diverse facet has diverse facets
- many extensive applications many wider benefits
- To commence with how To begin with,
- without university educations without a university education
- take the professional challenges take on professional challenges
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses both views and gives a clear opinion that university education has wider individual and social value beyond employability. Ideas are relevant and developed, though some claims are broad.
Add one more precise example of a non-employment benefit, such as civic participation or research innovation, to deepen the second view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is clear and paragraphing supports progression. Some cohesion is slightly mechanical, and a few long sentences carry too many ideas.
Use more concise topic sentences and reduce repeated phrases such as "after graduating" and "lucrative jobs."
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and topic-appropriate, with some strong academic language. However, several collocations are awkward or over-formal.
Keep the academic tone but choose natural collocations, especially around education, employability, and social contribution.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally strong, but there are recurring agreement, article, and preposition errors in complex noun phrases.
Proofread subject-verb agreement when the subject is separated from the verb by a phrase.