Many people want their country to host an international sporting event. Others believe that international sporting events bring more problems than benefits. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Throughout the 21st century, a lot of significant global events have happened at different locations. Sports, which is played among nations, is one such event which is becoming extremely popular, especially among the youngsters of the developed nations. The discussion that whether or not to host an international sporting program by a nation is advantageous is a debatable one, with strong logics provided by the supporters of both the views. On the one hand, a sense of patriotism will be increased among the citizens of the hosting country due to the fact that they will be proud to see their country in the international headlines, during the entire event. In addition to that, the nation's top leaders have an opportunity to hand over the price to the winners. For example, in 2005 when Brazil hosted the soccer world cup, every day the name 'Brazil' was seen in almost all media like newspapers, televisions and the internet. Secondly, motivation will be cultivated among the youths of the host country, and will actively try to play the game locally. This can bring up the sporting potential of the citizens and later help to play for the nation. For instance, the proportion of citizens playing cricket increased by 10 percent after India hosted cricket world cup in 2000. Thus, a country can have many sportsmen in the pool and pick the best ones. On the other hand, there are security threats especially from the terrorists or by opponents from the start to the end of the program. A lot of money needs to be spent to deploy the military forces, round the clock, to ensure that the nation is completely under control. In 2005, Brazil spent 25 million dollars to ensure that the country is secure in all aspects. Moreover, this money could be used for the starving people, especially in Africa. Thus, some people gravitate towards this point of view. In conclusion, although I understand that huge money needs to be spent for safety purposes, I totally agree that hosting international sporting events are advantageous for both - the hosting country and the attending countries. There should be regular sporting events held internationally every year, to promote peace and love.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use neutral wording Original: the youngsters Suggested revision: young people Why it matters: Young people is more neutral and natural in an academic essay.
- 2. Fix clause structure Original: The discussion that whether or not Suggested revision: The question of whether or not Why it matters: Question of whether correctly introduces the debated issue.
- 3. Use task term Original: sporting program Suggested revision: sporting event Why it matters: Sporting event is the precise term for the subject under discussion.
- 4. Fix word choice Original: strong logics Suggested revision: strong arguments Why it matters: Logic is not normally used as a plural count noun for individual reasons.
- 5. Remove extra article Original: both the views Suggested revision: both views Why it matters: The definite article is not used after both in this construction.
- 6. Use standard phrase Original: hosting country Suggested revision: host country Why it matters: Host country is the standard collocation for a nation holding an event.
- 7. Use active verb Original: will be increased among Suggested revision: will increase among Why it matters: The intransitive active form correctly describes a rise in patriotism.
- 8. Remove stray comma Original: headlines, during Suggested revision: headlines during Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the time phrase from the clause it modifies.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: hand over the price Suggested revision: present the prize Why it matters: Present the prize is the correct expression for formally giving an award.
- 10. Use formal example marker Original: media like newspapers Suggested revision: media such as newspapers Why it matters: Such as is more appropriate for introducing examples in formal writing.
- 11. Use medium noun Original: televisions and the internet Suggested revision: television and the internet Why it matters: Television is uncountable when it refers to the broadcasting medium.
- 12. Use natural noun phrase Original: the youths of the host country Suggested revision: young people in the host country Why it matters: This phrasing is more natural and avoids the awkward collective use of youths.
Suggested Rewrites
- the youngsters young people
- The discussion that whether or not The question of whether or not
- sporting program sporting event
- strong logics strong arguments
- both the views both views
- hosting country host country
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay discusses both perspectives, maintains a clear opinion, and organises its main ideas into an easy-to-follow argument. Its strongest feature is the relevant coverage of national pride, participation, security, and public spending, although some examples are questionable and several expressions are unnatural. Prioritise more credible support and edit recurring collocation and grammatical errors to make the argument more authoritative.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's favourable position is clear, with relevant reasons and examples supporting the discussion.
Use accurate, verifiable examples and explain more directly why the stated benefits outweigh the financial and security costs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into clear stages, and cohesive devices guide the reader effectively despite some mechanical sequencing.
Reduce formulaic transitions such as 'Secondly' and repeated uses of 'Thus' by making the logical connections emerge more naturally from each paragraph's reasoning.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss the topic precisely, but frequent awkward collocations such as 'strong logics', 'hand over the price', and 'motivation will be cultivated' limit control.
Replace unnatural word combinations with standard academic phrasing, such as 'strong arguments', 'present the prize', and 'encourage young people to participate'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, and clause construction are noticeable even though meaning remains clear.
Check agreement and sentence subjects carefully, especially in forms such as 'sport is played', 'young people will try', and 'hosting events is advantageous'.