Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Many people have argued about the function of university study. A group of people believe that studying in the university help graduate students in obtaining prestigious jobs, while others think that university study offers much wider positive experiences beside getting better jobs. The following paragraphs will explain in details about both opinions, but I do believe that undergraduate or post graduate studies have many advantages.
On the one hand, it is a fact that one of the aims of university study is to assist the graduates in obtaining better jobs. Institutions are hoping that the curriculum, program and tutorial sessions that are prepared and set by them would be useful for their graduate students in the workplace. Besides that, certain kinds of highly paid jobs require the candidate to be highly educated or have a university degree. For example, to become an external auditor in one of the big four international accounting firms such as Price Water House Coopers, the candidate should have a bachelor degree in accounting and obtained certified public accountant certificate. Since it is a mandatory requirement, many of the young people have enrolled in the university in order to get that elite and prestigious job. Therefore a lot of people believe that the main purpose of studying in university level is to get better jobs.
On the other hand, another group of people believe that university study offers other kinds of positive experiences for students themselves and communities as well. Firstly, by studying in the university, students would have more friends, since many universities are accepting students from various local areas and some even from overseas. Therefore, students would have the chance in expanding their networks and learning new languages and cultures as well. Secondly, studying in the university also bring benefits for the community and society. University offers various kinds of positive activities for their students which are also useful for the neighbourhood. For example, many medicine schools offer free medication consultation for the poor people who live in the surrounding area which is conducted by their students.
In conclusion, some people believe that university study brings much wider benefits for the students besides getting better-paid jobs, but others disagree with it. In my point of view, I do agree that the aim of studying in the university should not be only for getting jobs, but also for networking and socialising as well.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Agreement Original: studying in the university help Suggested revision: studying at university helps Why it matters: The subject is singular and the phrase is more natural without “the.”
- 2. Precise noun Original: graduate students Suggested revision: graduates Why it matters: The task refers to people who have finished university, not necessarily postgraduate students.
- 3. Fixed phrase Original: in details Suggested revision: in detail Why it matters: This fixed phrase is singular.
- 4. Correct word Original: positive experiences beside getting better jobs Suggested revision: benefits besides getting better jobs Why it matters: Use “besides” and a more precise noun.
- 5. Concise structure Original: curriculum, program and tutorial sessions that are prepared and set by them Suggested revision: curriculum, programmes, and tutorial sessions they prepare Why it matters: The original phrase is wordy and grammatically awkward.
- 6. Possessive form Original: candidate should have a bachelor degree Suggested revision: candidate should have a bachelor's degree Why it matters: Use the possessive form for the degree name.
- 7. Parallel verb Original: and obtained certified public accountant certificate Suggested revision: and obtain a certified public accountant certificate Why it matters: Use a parallel verb form and add an article.
- 8. Preposition Original: in university level Suggested revision: at university level Why it matters: Use “at” with “level.”
- 9. Agreement Original: studying in the university also bring Suggested revision: studying at university also brings Why it matters: The gerund subject is singular.
- 10. Natural term Original: medication consultation Suggested revision: medical consultations Why it matters: This is the natural phrase for advice from medical students.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: A group of people believe that studying in the university help graduate students in obtaining prestigious jobs, while others think that university study offers much wider positive experiences beside getting better jobs. Suggested revision: Some people believe that studying at university helps graduates obtain prestigious jobs, while others think it offers much wider benefits besides employment. Why it matters: This fixes agreement and makes the contrast clearer.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The following paragraphs will explain in details about both opinions, but I do believe that undergraduate or post graduate studies have many advantages. Suggested revision: This essay will discuss both views, but I believe university education offers important benefits beyond employment. Why it matters: The rewrite is less formulaic and gives a clearer opinion.
Suggested Rewrites
- studying in the university help studying at university helps
- graduate students graduates
- in details in detail
- positive experiences beside getting better jobs benefits besides getting better jobs
- curriculum, program and tutorial sessions that are prepared and set by them curriculum, programmes, and tutorial sessions they prepare
- candidate should have a bachelor degree candidate should have a bachelor's degree
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses both views and gives a clear opinion that university education has wider benefits beyond employment. Examples are relevant and reasonably developed, though the wider social benefits could be analysed more deeply.
After each example, add one sentence explaining how the benefit affects individuals or society, not only that it exists.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is clear with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Cohesion is generally effective, but some formulaic phrases and minor logical wording issues remain.
Use sharper topic sentences and make the conclusion restate both your opinion and the strongest reason for it.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a good range of education and employment vocabulary, but collocation errors and word-form problems are frequent enough to limit precision.
Review phrases such as “help graduates obtain jobs,” “in detail,” “besides,” “bachelor’s degree,” and “medical consultation.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a range of complex grammar, but agreement, article, and verb-form errors appear regularly across otherwise clear sentences.
Check subject-verb agreement after long noun phrases and use possessive forms for degrees and certificates.