It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I agree that everyone should save some money for the future. Young people also need to do this because nobody knows what will happen in the future. Saving money can help people when they have problems.
First of all, saving money can help people in emergencies. For example, if someone loses their job or gets sick, they need money to pay for daily life. If they have some savings, they will not have to borrow money from other people. This can reduce stress and make life easier.
Another reason is that young people may have many plans in the future. They may want to buy a house, start a business or continue their education. These things usually cost a lot of money. If they start saving when they are young, they will have more money in the future because they save over a long time.
However, I also think young people should not save all of their money. They should spend some money on learning new skills, travelling or enjoying life. These experiences are also important for their future and personal development.
In conclusion, I agree that saving money is important for everyone, especially young people. Although people should enjoy their lives, having some savings can give them more security and help them achieve their future goals.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Academic phrasing Original: nobody knows what will happen in the future Suggested revision: the future is inherently unpredictable Why it matters: Replacing this informal phrase with more academic vocabulary elevates the tone of your introduction.
- 2. Vague vocabulary Original: when they have problems Suggested revision: during times of financial hardship Why it matters: Using 'problems' is very general. Specifying 'financial hardship' shows a better range of vocabulary.
- 3. Collocation improvement Original: pay for daily life Suggested revision: cover their daily living expenses Why it matters: 'Pay for daily life' is slightly unnatural. 'Cover living expenses' is a stronger collocation.
- 4. Precise vocabulary Original: borrow money from other people Suggested revision: rely on others for financial assistance Why it matters: This phrasing is more formal and suitable for an academic essay.
- 5. Vague phrase Original: make life easier Suggested revision: provide greater peace of mind Why it matters: 'Make life easier' is a bit conversational. 'Provide peace of mind' is more precise in this context.
- 6. Redundant phrasing Original: plans in the future Suggested revision: long-term aspirations Why it matters: Using 'long-term aspirations' instead of 'plans in the future' sounds more professional and varied.
- 7. Oxford comma Original: start a business or Suggested revision: start a business, or Why it matters: Adding a comma before the final coordinating conjunction in a list of three or more items improves readability.
- 8. Informal phrasing Original: These things usually cost a lot of money. Suggested revision: These milestones typically require significant financial investment. Why it matters: 'Cost a lot of money' is very basic. Upgrading this to 'require significant financial investment' demonstrates higher-level lexical resource.
- 9. Grammatical complexity Original: because they save over a long time Suggested revision: by accumulating wealth over an extended period Why it matters: Replacing the simple 'because' clause with a gerund phrase ('by accumulating...') improves grammatical variety.
- 10. Oxford comma Original: learning new skills, travelling or Suggested revision: learning new skills, travelling, or Why it matters: Adding a comma before 'or' maintains consistency in your list punctuation.
- 11. Vague expression Original: enjoying life Suggested revision: engaging in recreational activities Why it matters: 'Enjoying life' is quite broad and informal. 'Recreational activities' or 'leisure pursuits' is more academic.
- 12. Lexical variety Original: especially young people Suggested revision: particularly the younger generation Why it matters: Using 'the younger generation' instead of repeating 'young people' shows better vocabulary control.
Suggested Rewrites
- nobody knows what will happen in the future the future is inherently unpredictable
- when they have problems during times of financial hardship
- pay for daily life cover their daily living expenses
- borrow money from other people rely on others for financial assistance
- make life easier provide greater peace of mind
- plans in the future long-term aspirations
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a clear and well-structured argument in response to the prompt, demonstrating logical progression and strong grammatical control. However, the response falls slightly below the expected 250-word minimum, which limits the depth of idea development. To improve, the writer should expand on their main points with more detailed examples and incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
You address all parts of the prompt and present a clear, balanced position, but the ideas are not fully extended due to the short length of the essay.
Aim to write at least 250 words by adding more detailed examples or explaining the consequences of your points in greater depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized into clear paragraphs with a natural progression of ideas and effective use of linking words.
Vary your cohesive devices further to avoid relying on standard transition signals like 'First of all' and 'Another reason'.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is clear and appropriate for the topic, though it remains somewhat basic and repetitive in places.
Incorporate more precise, topic-specific collocations and synonyms, such as 'financial security' instead of 'more security' or 'unforeseen circumstances' instead of 'emergencies'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
You demonstrate good grammatical control with many error-free sentences and accurate use of conditional structures.
Try to use a wider variety of complex structures, such as passive voice or relative clauses, to increase grammatical complexity.