Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
It is sometimes seen that tourist attractions, including museums, important historical sites and prominent monuments, impose a higher fee for the overseas travellers than the local people. I do not agree with this idea and believe that the charges should be exactly the same. From a perspective, it might seem logical to charge foreign tourists more to enter a traditional and historical place as most of those monuments and establishments are state-owned and the government fund those from the tax they collect from the local residences. From this regard, many feel that local residences are already paying a portion of the ticket money through the tax they pay to the government. However, this is a very narrow view and this arrangement dissatisfies the visiting tourists as many of them find it discriminatory. From a broader view, if more foreign travellers are encouraged to visit nationally important tourist attractions and important historical and cultural place, this would bring more foreign tourists and this would ensure more earning from the tourism sector. Furthermore, it would help spread the national and cultural importance around the world. From this perspective, collecting some extra money from the entrance ticket is a shortsighted step. Furthermore, happy tourists encourage their immediate friends and family members to visit a country and some tourist attractions. If those tourists get the impression that they are being changed more money than the local people, they would psychologically feel unhappy and would share their dissatisfaction with others which would mean less foreign tourists. Many shrine and monuments are maintained by the ticket money it collects and if the number of visiting travelers get decreased, it would be tough for the authority to maintain those important places. From this perspective, having an equal entrance fee has a better impact. To conclude, from a broader perspective having the same ticket fee, both for the residence and foreign tourists, to allow the entrance to any nationally and historically important place including museums, art exhibitions, parks and historical places is more beneficial and I completely agree that the fee should not be different.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural noun Original: the overseas travellers Suggested revision: overseas travellers Why it matters: The article is unnecessary for this general plural noun phrase.
- 2. Incomplete phrase Original: From a perspective Suggested revision: From one perspective Why it matters: The phrase needs a determiner to be complete.
- 3. Agreement Original: the government fund those Suggested revision: the government funds them Why it matters: Government is singular here and needs funds; them is clearer than those.
- 4. Wrong noun Original: local residences Suggested revision: local residents Why it matters: Residences are homes; residents are people.
- 5. Wrong linker Original: From this regard Suggested revision: In this regard Why it matters: In this regard is the correct expression.
- 6. Natural verb Original: dissatisfies the visiting tourists Suggested revision: makes visiting tourists dissatisfied Why it matters: Dissatisfies is understandable but less natural here.
- 7. Plural noun Original: important historical and cultural place Suggested revision: important historical and cultural places Why it matters: The sentence refers to tourist attractions generally.
- 8. Natural collocation Original: more earning Suggested revision: more revenue Why it matters: Revenue is the correct noun for income from tourism.
- 9. Avoid repetition Original: Furthermore, it would help Suggested revision: It would also help Why it matters: The essay uses repeated linking words, so this creates smoother flow.
- 10. Concise wording Original: collecting some extra money from the entrance ticket Suggested revision: charging extra for entrance tickets Why it matters: The rewrite is clearer and more natural.
- 11. Wrong verb Original: being changed more money Suggested revision: being charged more money Why it matters: Charged is the intended passive verb.
- 12. Count noun Original: less foreign tourists Suggested revision: fewer foreign tourists Why it matters: Use fewer with countable plural nouns.
Suggested Rewrites
- the overseas travellers overseas travellers
- From a perspective From one perspective
- the government fund those the government funds them
- local residences local residents
- From this regard In this regard
- dissatisfies the visiting tourists makes visiting tourists dissatisfied
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay clearly disagrees with charging foreign visitors more and develops relevant reasons about fairness, tourism revenue, reputation, and maintenance funding. The opposing view is acknowledged but could be explored more fully.
Give the pro-higher-fee argument a little more detail before explaining why equal fees are better overall.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically, but the entire essay is one long paragraph and some linking phrases are repetitive, especially From this perspective.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, opposing view, reasons for equal fees, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally good for tourism, cultural sites, discrimination, and economic benefit. Several word choices are inaccurate or repetitive, such as residences, changed more money, and less foreign tourists.
Use precise tourism vocabulary: residents, charged, fewer tourists, revenue, and visitor satisfaction.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly understandable, but there are repeated errors with articles, agreement, noun forms, and passive structures.
Check plural nouns and passive verb forms in sentences about fees, tourists, and monuments.