Exposure to international media such as films, TV and magazines has a significant impact on local cultures. What do you think has been the impact? Do you think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
There is no doubt that today we are living in a global village where people all around the world listen to the same types of music, watch similar movies, television programmes and even many of us extends our interests to read books and magazines which were published in overseas. While some people have argued by these tendencies could destroy one country's culture and brings adverse effects on people lives, others oppose this notions completely. However, personally, I agree with the group of people who believe that its advantages outweigh its disadvantages for several reasons. In this essay, I will give some reasons to support my assertion.
To begin with by looking at the advantages of these processes; firstly through television programmes, we could get a deeper knowledge of different cultures and diverse lifestyles. Secondly, if people spend the time to read books or to read magazines that were published on overseas then probably they would gain knowledge in a foreign language. Finally more we share our ideas and thoughts through media then more we understand each other. That will definitely help us to reduce the prejudice among nations.
However, its disadvantages seem greater than its advantages. One is that nowadays people all around are influenced by the international media. Consequently, many of us are trying to imitate the lifestyles of other cultures that will lead to cultural erosion of a country. Another point is that our identities are being lost due to the over exposure to international media. For example in these days, people all around the world have been trying to wear the dresses and costumes of the characters on the television programmes. This means that a majority of world people are trying the same fashions and trends and ultimately we are losing our culture and unique identities.
To conclude I would like to reiterate that international media definitely help us to reduce the prejudice among nations and help us to gain knowledge in different languages as well as in different cultures. However I believe that its merits outweigh by its demerits owing to the fact that it would bring significant amounts of threats to one country's culture and a threat to our identities, those factors are unavoidable aspects of our humanity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Agreement error Original: many of us extends Suggested revision: many of us extend Why it matters: The plural subject takes extend.
- 2. Wrong preposition Original: published in overseas Suggested revision: published overseas Why it matters: Overseas does not take in here.
- 3. Clause form Original: argued by these tendencies Suggested revision: argued that these tendencies Why it matters: Argue introduces a that-clause.
- 4. Parallel agreement Original: one country's culture and brings Suggested revision: a country's culture and bring Why it matters: The plural subject tendencies takes bring.
- 5. Possessive form Original: people lives Suggested revision: people's lives Why it matters: Use the possessive apostrophe.
- 6. Determiner agreement Original: this notions Suggested revision: this notion Why it matters: This requires a singular noun.
- 7. Pronoun agreement Original: advantages outweigh its disadvantages Suggested revision: advantages outweigh the disadvantages Why it matters: Avoid mismatched its.
- 8. Faulty opener Original: To begin with by looking at Suggested revision: To begin with, Why it matters: Do not combine two introductory constructions.
- 9. Wrong preposition Original: published on overseas Suggested revision: published overseas Why it matters: No preposition is needed.
- 10. Missing punctuation Original: Finally more we share Suggested revision: Finally, the more we share Why it matters: Add the comma and the comparative article.
- 11. Comparative structure Original: then more we understand Suggested revision: the more we understand Why it matters: Use the more...the more.
- 12. General noun Original: reduce the prejudice Suggested revision: reduce prejudice Why it matters: Prejudice is uncountable in this general claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- many of us extends many of us extend
- published in overseas published overseas
- argued by these tendencies argued that these tendencies
- one country's culture and brings a country's culture and bring
- people lives people's lives
- this notions this notion
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay offers relevant benefits and harms of international media, including cultural learning, language exposure, imitation, and loss of identity. However, its central position is internally contradictory: the introduction says advantages outweigh disadvantages, while the later comparison and conclusion state the reverse. Decide on one answer, evaluate both sides against it consistently, and simplify error-prone sentences so the reasoning remains clear.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both parts are discussed with relevant ideas, but the contradictory position prevents a clear answer to whether advantages outweigh disadvantages.
Choose one position and make every evaluative statement and the conclusion support it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and basic progression are present, but contradictory transitions and referencing weaken the argument's logic.
Use one paragraph per side and a final comparison that explains why the chosen side carries greater weight.
Lexical Resource
Topic vocabulary is adequate, including cultural erosion and prejudice, though word forms and collocations are often inaccurate.
Use published abroad, exposure, people's lives, and outweigh consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted, but agreement, articles, prepositions, and clause control errors are frequent.
Shorten long clauses and check subject-verb agreement and comparative structures.