Nowadays companies and other organisations are requiring their employees to wear a uniform. What is your viewpoint on this? What are the advantages and disadvantages of wearing a uniform?
Sample Response
Uniforms are usually seen as serving several purposes in the educational institutions, workplace and service organisations; mostly it is aimed to provide identity and recognition but in some way achieves more than solving a dilemma of what to wear to work today. The organisations that implement uniforms have several reasons for such practices, this practice embodies more than the norm of the trade.
Usually, by following this practice the organisations realise several important, internal and external, objectives. I have heard an anecdote of a seasoned banking president who used to have his staff buy their suits from only one tailor in the city, he had standardized the cut and allowed several somber color choices for staff members to pick from, the philosophy, as narrated by one of his staff members, was to create a professional look amongst his staff who feels proud of their profession and give out an authoritative vibe to the people who visited their bank. Some other organisations use the uniforms as a symbol of their corporate identity like airlines, hotels, restaurants, enhancing their visibility to the world outside and causing free advertisement of the “brand” they represent. Of course, the attire places the brand at a different level, if you see an air hostess crisply dressed in an elegant outfit the image of the airline by default jumps up a notch. There are several other reasons as to why uniforms could be an appropriate choice like equality and ranking among members of the same organisation, a sign of showing preparedness for work and so on. Having said all above it does not mean that uniforms do not bring any downsides, the foremost is the monotony that members feel in their lives, wearing the same colours and clothes every day can lead to losing the enthusiasm as envisaged at the time of designing the uniforms. Imagine a person who is not taking good care of his/her attire and creating an image that is contrary to image the organisation is trying to build – this unification as can develop the brand, can also destroy it because of a single person not carrying it appropriately. There are several other possible reasons why uniforms could be detrimental to the cause of equality/corporate image like poor reproduction in repetitive orders by the supplier leading to several shades of the colours/cuts of the outfits that pass for a uniform, instead is an attempt to unify the form failing flagrantly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Parallel nouns Original: educational institutions, workplace and service organisations Suggested revision: educational institutions, workplaces, and service organisations Why it matters: Use parallel plural nouns in a list.
- 2. Unclear subject Original: mostly it is aimed Suggested revision: they are mostly intended Why it matters: The pronoun should refer clearly to uniforms and agree in number.
- 3. Agreement error Original: in some way achieves Suggested revision: in some ways achieve Why it matters: The subject uniforms is plural, so the verb should be achieve.
- 4. Comma splice Original: such practices, this practice Suggested revision: such practices; this practice Why it matters: Two independent clauses should not be joined only by a comma.
- 5. Heavy opener Original: Usually, by following this practice Suggested revision: By using uniforms Why it matters: This is more direct and avoids repeating practice.
- 6. Unnatural title Original: banking president Suggested revision: bank president Why it matters: This is the more common job title.
- 7. Agreement error Original: staff who feels proud Suggested revision: staff who feel proud Why it matters: Staff is treated as plural here.
- 8. Informal phrase Original: give out an authoritative vibe Suggested revision: project an authoritative image Why it matters: Use a more formal collocation.
- 9. Generic noun Original: the uniforms Suggested revision: uniforms Why it matters: Use the plural noun without the when discussing uniforms in general.
- 10. Modern term Original: air hostess Suggested revision: flight attendant Why it matters: Flight attendant is more neutral and current.
- 11. Fixed phrase Original: Having said all above Suggested revision: Having said all of the above Why it matters: This phrase needs of the.
- 12. Double negative Original: does not mean that uniforms do not bring any downsides Suggested revision: uniforms can still have downsides Why it matters: Simpler wording improves cohesion and clarity.
Suggested Rewrites
- educational institutions, workplace and service organisations educational institutions, workplaces, and service organisations
- mostly it is aimed they are mostly intended
- in some way achieves in some ways achieve
- such practices, this practice such practices; this practice
- Usually, by following this practice By using uniforms
- banking president bank president
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response has a clear viewpoint and discusses several advantages and disadvantages of uniforms, including identity, branding, equality, monotony, and possible damage to image. However, it lacks a separate conclusion and the disadvantages are less clearly organised than the advantages.
Add a short conclusion that directly states whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and summarises the main reason.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction leads into the topic, and the ideas are logically connected, but the main body is an overlong paragraph. Several sentences are too long and contain multiple examples, which weakens progression.
Split the body into one paragraph for advantages and one for disadvantages, each with a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
Lexical range is strong, with flexible phrases such as corporate identity, authoritative vibe, monotony, and detrimental. Some choices are awkward or too wordy, such as give out an authoritative vibe and unification as can develop the brand.
Keep the precise vocabulary but reduce overly elaborate phrasing where a simpler academic expression is clearer.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a good range of complex sentence structures, but punctuation and sentence control are inconsistent. Long comma-spliced sentences and some agreement errors reduce accuracy.
Break very long sentences into two or three independent sentences and check punctuation between complete clauses.