In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Response
Deciding on whether to stay with family until you get married or to leave for education or work is a difficult question. While there are advantages to both options, I believe that living separately is more beneficial. This is due to the fact that it is important to become self-efficient at the young age.
On the one hand, living with family has certain financial benefits. If you like to live separately it would require a lot of financial resources and some families could save a lot of money if children stayed. Moreover, life with parents wouldn't be as stressful as it would be if you live alone. You will have enough time to find the job you want or to start up your own business. However, the main point in such tradition is that children could be protected from improper decisions. If they live with their families, they are not responsible for their families or jobs and they do not need to take major decisions as parents would mostly do that.
A number of advantages take place when a person decides to live independently from his family. For example, people who go abroad to study at prestigious and honourable universities will probably have more job opportunities and higher annual salary. Living separately is also a great step in creating a family because no one will interfere your relationships or give pieces of advice. Lastly, it is an essential step in young people's life and this is the only way to be prepared for grown-up life. When decisions have to be made and possible mistakes would only be your burden.
In conclusion, although living with parents is simple and effortless, it is crucial to leave your comfort zone at a certain age, to be ready for facing real life difficulties.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Concise phrasing Original: Deciding on whether Suggested revision: Deciding whether Why it matters: Decide whether is more concise than deciding on whether.
- 2. Wrong word Original: self-efficient Suggested revision: self-sufficient Why it matters: Self-sufficient means able to live independently; self-efficient is not the right word.
- 3. Article use Original: at the young age Suggested revision: at a young age Why it matters: Use a with a singular count phrase.
- 4. Conditional meaning Original: If you like to live separately Suggested revision: If a young person wants to live separately Why it matters: This is more formal and avoids addressing the reader directly.
- 5. Comma needed Original: it would require Suggested revision: it would require Why it matters: Add a comma after the if-clause before this phrase in the full sentence.
- 6. Natural phrase Original: life with parents Suggested revision: living with parents Why it matters: Living with parents is the more natural phrase.
- 7. Consistency Original: if you live alone Suggested revision: if they lived alone Why it matters: Keep the sentence in third person and conditional form.
- 8. Reference Original: in such tradition Suggested revision: in this arrangement Why it matters: Arrangement refers more clearly to living with parents.
- 9. Natural phrase Original: protected from improper decisions Suggested revision: protected from poor decisions Why it matters: Poor decisions is the more common collocation.
- 10. Collocation Original: take major decisions Suggested revision: make major decisions Why it matters: In English, people make decisions.
- 11. Awkward phrase Original: A number of advantages take place Suggested revision: There are several advantages Why it matters: Advantages do not take place.
- 12. Article needed Original: higher annual salary Suggested revision: a higher annual salary Why it matters: A singular count noun needs an article.
Suggested Rewrites
- Deciding on whether Deciding whether
- self-efficient self-sufficient
- at the young age at a young age
- If you like to live separately If a young person wants to live separately
- it would require it would require
- life with parents living with parents
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay clearly argues that living separately has more advantages, while still covering benefits of staying with parents. The ideas are relevant and generally developed, though some claims need sharper explanation.
Explain more directly why independence outweighs the financial and emotional advantages of staying at home.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is well paragraphized and progresses logically from both options to the candidate's view, with generally effective linking.
Improve cohesion by replacing vague phrases such as such tradition and a number of advantages take place with clearer references.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is fairly flexible, including financial benefits, job opportunities, and comfort zone, but there are some inaccurate collocations and word choices.
Use natural phrases such as self-sufficient, at a young age, make major decisions, interfere in relationships, and adult life.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar control is generally good, but errors remain in conditionals, articles, prepositions, and sentence fragments.
Revise conditional sentences and make sure dependent clauses are attached to complete main clauses.