Some educationalists think that a programme of international exchange visits will offer various benefits for teenage school students. Do you think the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Education means imparting knowledge to a person and there are vast troves of educational resources today. Some educationalists uphold the merits of international student exchange while others have reservation about it. I am on the view that advantages of it overweigh the disadvantages. This essay examines different aspects of this issue.
On the one hand, there are some drawbacks of this programme of international exchange, especially among teenage school students. Firstly, it may mislead the students. Since teenagers are young and gullible, they are easily attracted by the temptations and easy prey to pitfalls. Secondly, these exchange visits pave the way to adopt different cultures and lifestyles which are not suitable for our customs and values. In addition, it can be a financial burden to many students.
On the other hand, it is fairly easy to understand the numerous benefits of exchange visits at international level. Primarily, it helps to improve the knowledge level. That is these international visits are the platforms for students to acquire new knowledge or information and thereby widen their education horizons. Secondly, these programmes provide a wide range of exposure to the teenagers. From this, they can come to know various students from different countries and they can share their knowledge and information each other. Hence, they exploit to the wide-spread world. Moreover, it helps to mingle with others in the society. Students can identify and understand the various cultures, customs and values of different nations and can acquaint with good values from them to upgrade themselves. In addition, these programmes help in molding of personality and reforms them to more independent and self-reliant.
To conclude, when we analyse the issue in depth, it becomes crystal clear that international students exchange programme has more advantages than disadvantages to school students. We should help and advise the students to exercise their prudence and discernment and thus can avoid any pitfall.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the plural noun Original: have reservation Suggested revision: have reservations Why it matters: Reservations is normally plural when it means doubts or concerns.
- 2. Correct the phrase Original: I am on the view Suggested revision: I am of the view Why it matters: Of is the required preposition in this expression.
- 3. Use a possessive Original: advantages of it Suggested revision: its advantages Why it matters: The possessive form is the natural way to link the advantages to the programme.
- 4. Use the correct verb Original: overweigh Suggested revision: outweigh Why it matters: Outweigh is the verb meaning to be greater or more important than something else.
- 5. Correct the preposition Original: among teenage school students Suggested revision: for teenage school students Why it matters: For correctly identifies the group affected by the drawbacks.
- 6. Remove the article Original: attracted by the temptations Suggested revision: attracted by temptations Why it matters: Temptations is used generically here and does not need the definite article.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: easy prey to pitfalls Suggested revision: vulnerable to pitfalls Why it matters: The original combines two incompatible expressions.
- 8. Clarify the actor Original: pave the way to adopt Suggested revision: may lead students to adopt Why it matters: The revision supplies the person who would adopt the cultures and lifestyles.
- 9. Add the article Original: at international level Suggested revision: at an international level Why it matters: The singular countable noun level requires an article here.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: knowledge level Suggested revision: level of knowledge Why it matters: This is the more natural noun phrase in formal English.
- 11. Use the adjective Original: education horizons Suggested revision: educational horizons Why it matters: Educational is the adjective needed to modify horizons.
- 12. Add the preposition Original: share their knowledge and information each other Suggested revision: share their knowledge and information with each other Why it matters: Share requires with before the people exchanging information.
Suggested Rewrites
- have reservation have reservations
- I am on the view I am of the view
- advantages of it its advantages
- overweigh outweigh
- among teenage school students for teenage school students
- attracted by the temptations attracted by temptations
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response states a clear position and organises the two sides logically, with the advantages receiving broader coverage and several relevant points. However, many ideas are asserted or listed rather than fully explained, while frequent unnatural word choices and grammatical errors weaken precision and occasionally interrupt the flow. Develop one or two key benefits and drawbacks with concrete causal explanation, then edit for accurate collocations and sentence structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The question is answered with a consistent position and relevant advantages and disadvantages, but several points remain general or briefly listed.
Explain the mechanism and likely consequence of fewer key points so the comparison more convincingly demonstrates why advantages outweigh drawbacks.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear overall progression and appropriate paragraphing, though sequencing devices are sometimes formulaic and a few links are unclear.
Connect supporting sentences through explicit cause and effect rather than relying mainly on numbered transitions and short linking phrases.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a sufficient range for the topic, but frequent collocational and word-form inaccuracies reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace expressions such as ‘on the view’, ‘overweigh’ and ‘education horizons’ with standard academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are both attempted, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, prepositions and clause construction are noticeable.
Proofread each complex sentence for subject-verb agreement and complete grammatical patterns before adding further detail.