Some countries encourage foreign companies to open a branch office in their country. Many people think that the government should focus on encouraging local businesses to expand rather than inviting foreign businesses to open branches. To what extent do you agree?
Sample Response
The question of whether a government should prioritise encouraging local businesses to expand or inviting foreign companies to establish branch offices has sparked a heated debate. Some opine that promoting the growth of local enterprises should be the primary focus of the government and this essay agrees with that view as it fosters economic self-sufficiency and preserves the nation's cultural identity.
Encouraging local businesses to expand offers several benefits to the country's economy. Firstly, it boosts domestic employment opportunities, as expanding local companies creates new jobs for the workforce. This, in turn, reduces unemployment rates and stimulates economic growth. Moreover, a robust local business sector promotes the development of homegrown innovations and technologies, leading to increased competitiveness on the global stage. In India, for example, the "Make in India" campaign launched by the government aimed to boost local manufacturing and attract foreign investments. This initiative has led to the expansion of Indian businesses, creating millions of jobs and enhancing the country's economic prospects.
Encouraging local businesses also helps preserve a country's cultural identity. When foreign companies establish branches, there is a risk of cultural homogenisation as they may introduce practices and products that overshadow local traditions. Emphasising the growth of domestic businesses enables the retention of traditional art, craft, and heritage, enhancing the uniqueness and diversity of a nation's cultural landscape. For instance, in Japan, the government's emphasis on supporting local artisans and traditional craftsmanship has safeguarded the country's cultural heritage and made it a popular destination for tourists seeking an authentic cultural experience.
In conclusion, prioritising the expansion of local businesses offers a myriad of advantages to a nation's economy and culture. By investing in homegrown enterprises, governments can strengthen their economies, generate employment opportunities, and preserve their distinctive cultural identity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Separate independent clauses Original: government and this essay Suggested revision: government, and this essay Why it matters: A comma is needed before the coordinating conjunction joining two independent clauses.
- 2. Use uncountable noun Original: foreign investments Suggested revision: foreign investment Why it matters: “Investment” is normally uncountable when referring generally to invested capital.
- 3. Use parallel plurals Original: traditional art, craft, and heritage Suggested revision: traditional arts, crafts, and heritage Why it matters: The plural forms are natural for categories of traditional creative practices.
- 4. Use smoother phrasing Original: prioritise encouraging Suggested revision: prioritise the expansion of Why it matters: The noun phrase creates a smoother formal construction after “prioritise”.
- 5. Avoid stock phrasing Original: has sparked a heated debate Suggested revision: is widely debated Why it matters: This states the point more directly and avoids a formulaic expression.
- 6. Use natural reporting Original: Some opine that Suggested revision: Some argue that Why it matters: “Argue” is the more natural reporting verb in this academic context.
- 7. Clarify pronoun reference Original: as it fosters Suggested revision: because doing so fosters Why it matters: This makes clear that promoting local enterprises produces the stated effects.
- 8. Use concise sequencer Original: Firstly Suggested revision: First Why it matters: “First” is a more concise transition in formal prose.
- 9. Remove redundancy Original: new jobs for the workforce Suggested revision: new jobs Why it matters: Jobs already imply opportunities for workers, so the final phrase is redundant.
- 10. Tighten word choice Original: homegrown innovations and technologies Suggested revision: domestic innovation and technology Why it matters: The replacement is more concise while preserving the intended meaning.
- 11. Improve idea sequence Suggested revision: Keep the employment claim, its consequences, and the example's job outcome together before shifting to innovation. Why it matters: This ordering would prevent the paragraph from returning to employment after introducing innovation.
- 12. Strengthen lexical cohesion Suggested revision: Use one consistent term, such as “local businesses”, instead of alternating among local companies, the local business sector, and Indian businesses. Why it matters: A stable referent would make the paragraph easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- government and this essay government, and this essay
- foreign investments foreign investment
- traditional art, craft, and heritage traditional arts, crafts, and heritage
- prioritise encouraging prioritise the expansion of
- has sparked a heated debate is widely debated
- Some opine that Some argue that
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops two relevant reasons with specific examples, while maintaining fluent progression and strong lexical and grammatical control. Its main limitation is that some support is asserted rather than critically examined, particularly the India example, which also involves attracting foreign investment; the highest-priority improvement is to explain more precisely why prioritising domestic expansion is preferable despite potential benefits from foreign branches.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a clear, consistent position and develops economic and cultural reasons through relevant explanation and examples.
Explain more precisely why prioritising domestic expansion outweighs possible benefits from foreign branches, and tighten the partly contradictory India example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a focused introduction, two well-organised body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Make the link from each supporting example back to the government's policy choice more explicit to sharpen progression within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion of economic and cultural effects, with strong control of collocation and register.
Replace stock expressions such as "sparked a heated debate" and "Some opine" with more direct, context-specific phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a wide range of complex structures with strong control, and minor punctuation or stylistic weaknesses do not impede communication.
Refine occasional long coordinated sentences by clarifying clause boundaries and varying sentence openings for greater syntactic polish.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some countries encourage foreign companies to open a branch office in their country. Many people think that the government should focus on encouraging local businesses to expand rather than inviting foreign businesses to open branches. To what extent do you agree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.