Should travelling be included in the education? Discuss and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Since the beginning of the recorded time, aboriginals have always been interested in learning by the mean of travelling around the globe. Has it be explorers such as Columbus, Darwin or other prominent wanderers, this world was explored and discovered by sightseeing. In the wake of education with travelling, the majority of institutions have included sight visiting as a predominant determinant while designing a course. Some people believe learning by seeing is propitious for scholars; however, other claims the opposite. I will discuss both the sides in the viability of the argument and state an opinion. On the one hand, opponents of adding travelling in education claim that it will hinder students to excel academically. Firstly, subjects like Mathematics, Physics and Information Technology do not require a pupil to see a sight or travel to learn them. For an example, if someone wants to be a mathematician, he must be excellent in mathematical skills and travelling to places will not add value for such students in learning and assimilating scientific concepts. Therefore, travelling has no importance in learning these subjects. Secondly, the exchange program to learn can act as a hinder in learning, as every country will have its own set of educational standards, which may not be suitable for every student. Thus, many contend that adding travelling in the curriculum is not viable and beneficial for scholars. On the other hand, proponents of assimilating travelling as a determinant in learning claim various rationales in support of the opinion. One the most profuse reason is on account of learning associated with practical knowledge. These advocates also assert that practical learning by sightseeing inculcates a permanent learning among the scholars, which is mandatory for the overall development of students. It can be confirmed by the latest report of education society of India, which has published the statistics of experiments on students. As per experiment, pupils were divided into two groups and taught a lesson in two different ways, the first group was taught theoretically and another group was taught practically by showing the actual sight. As per results, children taught using sightseeing were able to retain the information for 20 days extra than the students educated theoretically. Likewise, students can learn more if they will travel to other countries. It will not only impart an impetus to their academic learning, but also it will infuse cross-cultural understanding. Consequently, it will enhance the overall growth of students. To sum up, after discussing both sides of the argument, I am convinced that advantages of adding travelling in education overweigh the disadvantages and it must be encouraged for the overall academic and social development of the scholars.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: beginning of the recorded time Suggested revision: beginning of recorded history Why it matters: Recorded history is the established expression for this time period.
- 2. Correct word choice Original: aboriginals Suggested revision: people Why it matters: The original noun refers to Indigenous peoples rather than people in general.
- 3. Fix fixed expression Original: by the mean of Suggested revision: by means of Why it matters: The fixed expression uses the plural noun means.
- 4. Repair clause opening Original: Has it be explorers Suggested revision: Whether they were explorers Why it matters: The replacement supplies a grammatical concessive clause opening.
- 5. Choose precise noun Original: wanderers Suggested revision: travellers Why it matters: Travellers fits the educational travel context more precisely.
- 6. Clarify the means Original: by sightseeing Suggested revision: through travel Why it matters: Travel describes the broader means of exploration more accurately.
- 7. Clarify transition Original: In the wake of education with travelling Suggested revision: As travel has become part of education Why it matters: The original transition does not express a clear logical relationship.
- 8. Use standard term Original: sight visiting Suggested revision: educational visits Why it matters: The original phrase is not a standard English collocation.
- 9. Simplify awkward wording Original: predominant determinant Suggested revision: key component Why it matters: Component accurately describes an element of course design without overstatement.
- 10. Fix number agreement Original: other claims Suggested revision: others claim Why it matters: The plural pronoun and verb are required to refer to multiple people.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: both the sides Suggested revision: both sides Why it matters: No article is used after both in this expression.
- 12. Fix verb pattern Original: hinder students to excel Suggested revision: hinder students from excelling Why it matters: Hinder takes from followed by a gerund in this structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- beginning of the recorded time beginning of recorded history
- aboriginals people
- by the mean of by means of
- Has it be explorers Whether they were explorers
- wanderers travellers
- by sightseeing through travel
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay addresses both perspectives, gives a clear opinion, and supports the benefits of educational travel with an extended example and relevant cross-cultural reasoning. Its organisation is easy to follow, but frequent strained collocations and recurring grammatical errors reduce precision and naturalness despite the ambitious vocabulary. The highest priority is to express the same well-developed ideas in simpler, idiomatic language and proofread complex clauses for agreement and verb-form accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are discussed and the final position is clear, with relevant development, although some claims and the reported experiment are insufficiently qualified.
Support each side with a precise, credible example and explain its relevance without relying on sweeping claims or unverifiable statistics.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from the opposing view to the supporting view and conclusion, with clear paragraphing despite somewhat mechanical linking.
Replace repeated signposts such as firstly, secondly, and as per with more natural links based on the logical relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of topic-specific and less common vocabulary is attempted, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices weaken precision.
Prefer natural expressions such as educational travel, obstacle to learning, and lasting knowledge instead of forcing ambitious words into unsuitable combinations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, verb patterns, and clause construction remain noticeable while meaning stays clear.
Proofread each complex sentence for subject-verb agreement and accurate verb forms, especially conditional clauses and not only but also constructions.