In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
Some argue that the imposition of a curfew for teenagers in certain areas of the US provides safety and discipline for teenagers. Personally, I agree with this viewpoint. In this essay, I will explain my position.
Imposing a curfew on teenagers can play a crucial role in ensuring their safety, promoting responsible behaviour, and reducing the potential risks associated with unsupervised activities during late hours. By setting a specific time limit for teenagers to be out of doors, authorities and parents can actively protect them from potential dangers and harmful influences that may arise during the night. For instance, statistics show that a significant number of crimes involving teenagers occur during late hours when they are more susceptible to peer pressure, substance abuse, or engaging in unlawful activities.
Moreover, curfews can also contribute to improving teenagers' academic performance and overall well-being. With a curfew in place, teenagers are encouraged to prioritize their studies and establish a disciplined routine. They are more likely to complete their homework, get sufficient rest, and maintain a healthy balance between their academic responsibilities and personal life. By instilling discipline and time management skills through the enforcement of a curfew, teenagers are given a structure that supports their educational pursuits and enables them to develop important habits that will benefit them in the long run.
In conclusion, imposing a curfew on teenagers can have numerous advantages, ranging from ensuring their safety and reducing risks to promoting academic discipline. While some may argue that curfews restrict personal freedom, it is essential to consider the long-term benefits and the overall well-being of teenagers. Therefore, curfews can play a positive role in shaping responsible behaviour and providing a secure environment for teenagers to thrive.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix parallel structure Original: when they are more susceptible to peer pressure, substance abuse, or engaging in unlawful activities Suggested revision: when they are more susceptible to peer pressure and substance abuse or more likely to engage in unlawful activities Why it matters: The revision makes the final activity grammatically parallel with the preceding risk categories.
- 2. Use a direct phrase Original: the imposition of a curfew for teenagers Suggested revision: imposing a curfew on teenagers Why it matters: The gerund phrase is more direct and natural.
- 3. Improve the collocation Original: provides safety and discipline for teenagers Suggested revision: promotes teenagers' safety and discipline Why it matters: Promotes expresses the intended effect more naturally than provides.
- 4. Remove essay signposting Original: In this essay, I will explain my position. Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The preceding sentence already states the position, so this signpost is redundant.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: play a crucial role in ensuring Suggested revision: help ensure Why it matters: The shorter verb phrase preserves the meaning without inflation.
- 6. Remove redundancy Original: the potential risks Suggested revision: risks Why it matters: Risks already conveys possibility, making potential unnecessary here.
- 7. Use natural time phrase Original: unsupervised activities during late hours Suggested revision: unsupervised activities late at night Why it matters: Late at night is more idiomatic than during late hours.
- 8. Use modern wording Original: to be out of doors Suggested revision: to remain outdoors Why it matters: Remain outdoors is more concise and natural in this context.
- 9. Remove unnecessary modifier Original: actively protect Suggested revision: protect Why it matters: Protect already describes deliberate action, so actively adds little.
- 10. Remove redundancy Original: potential dangers Suggested revision: dangers Why it matters: The noun alone clearly expresses the possible threats under discussion.
- 11. Clarify example sequence Suggested revision: Move from the general late-night safety risk to the crime example, then close the example with its connection to the curfew claim. Why it matters: This ordering would give the paragraph a clearer claim-example-link progression.
- 12. Unify time references Suggested revision: Use one consistent expression for late-night timing throughout the paragraph to reduce repetitive variation. Why it matters: Consistent temporal wording would make the explanation easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- when they are more susceptible to peer pressure, substance abuse, or engaging in unlawful activities when they are more susceptible to peer pressure and substance abuse or more likely to engage in unlawful activities
- the imposition of a curfew for teenagers imposing a curfew on teenagers
- provides safety and discipline for teenagers promotes teenagers' safety and discipline
- In this essay, I will explain my position. Delete
- play a crucial role in ensuring help ensure
- the potential risks risks
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay gives a clear, consistent opinion and develops two relevant benefits of curfews through well-controlled, logically sequenced paragraphs. Its main limitation is that the support remains somewhat general, particularly the unsubstantiated reference to statistics and the brief treatment of the freedom objection. The highest-priority improvement is to test the argument more critically by using a specific, credible example and explaining why the benefits outweigh the restriction on teenagers' autonomy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The opinion is clear throughout, and the safety and academic benefits are relevantly extended and supported.
Develop the counterargument about personal freedom and rebut it more substantively to make the position more fully persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are organised into a clear progression, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without obscuring relationships.
Strengthen the transition into the concession in the conclusion by signalling how it relates to the two preceding benefits.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise academic vocabulary is used flexibly, with only occasional conventional or repeated phrasing.
Replace broad expressions such as potential dangers with more specific wording where the argument would benefit from precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is handled accurately, and errors are rare and non-impeding.
Refine occasional heavy noun phrases to make already accurate sentences more concise and direct.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.