Nowadays men’s sports are given far more attention by society compared to women’s sports. What are the reasons for that? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
In contemporary society, men's sports often dominate the spotlight, receiving significantly more attention than women's sports. This discrepancy in attention raises pertinent questions about the underlying reasons and whether this imbalance is a positive or negative development. This essay will shed some light on this trend and argue that it is a negative development.
One of the primary reasons for the overwhelming focus on men's sports is historical and societal norms. Traditional gender roles and long-standing cultural perceptions have perpetuated the belief that men's athletic competitions are more entertaining, competitive, and lucrative, thereby garnering greater attention from media, sponsors, and audiences. These norms have resulted in extensive coverage, higher investments, and elevated visibility for men's sporting events.
Moreover, the media's role amplifies this discrepancy. Sports coverage by mainstream media outlets predominantly centres on men's sports, emphasizing major men's leagues, tournaments, and events while allocating minimal airtime and coverage to women's sports. For instance, during a televised sports network's prime time slots, coverage mainly revolves around prominent men's leagues like the NBA or NFL, showcasing highlights, analyses, and discussions. In stark contrast, women's leagues such as the WNBA or NWSL receive notably shorter segments or minimal airtime.
This disparity between men's and women's sports is undoubtedly a negative development. It perpetuates gender inequality in the sporting realm and reinforces societal biases, hindering the growth and recognition of female athletes. The skewed attention denies women athletes deserved recognition, equal opportunities, and financial support that men receive, ultimately hindering the advancement and appreciation of women's sporting achievements.
In conclusion, the disproportionate attention given to men's sports over women's sports stems from historical biases, societal norms, and media influence. This lopsided focus represents a negative development, perpetuating gender inequality in sports and depriving female athletes of the recognition and support they rightfully deserve. Efforts should be made to rectify this imbalance and promote gender equality in the realm of sports.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix predicate structure Original: is historical and societal norms Suggested revision: stems from historical and societal norms Why it matters: The singular subject cannot be equated grammatically with the plural noun phrase in the original.
- 2. Use a precise verb Original: shed some light on Suggested revision: examine Why it matters: A single precise verb is more direct and appropriately academic.
- 3. Avoid overstatement Original: overwhelming focus Suggested revision: disproportionate focus Why it matters: This wording describes the imbalance more precisely without exaggeration.
- 4. Clarify the comparison Original: more entertaining, competitive, and lucrative Suggested revision: more entertaining and competitive, and therefore more lucrative Why it matters: This revision distinguishes perceived sporting qualities from their commercial consequence.
- 5. Clarify the subject Original: thereby garnering Suggested revision: which consequently attract Why it matters: The relative clause makes clear that the competitions attract the attention.
- 6. Specify the coverage Original: extensive coverage Suggested revision: extensive media coverage Why it matters: Adding the modifier identifies the type of coverage being discussed.
- 7. Use natural wording Original: elevated visibility Suggested revision: greater visibility Why it matters: This is the more natural collocation for increased public exposure.
- 8. Name the mechanism Original: the media's role amplifies Suggested revision: media coverage amplifies Why it matters: The revision identifies the specific media activity that increases the discrepancy.
- 9. Keep spelling consistent Original: emphasizing Suggested revision: emphasising Why it matters: British spelling is more consistent with the essay's use of “centres” and the IELTS context.
- 10. Choose a direct verb Original: coverage mainly revolves around Suggested revision: coverage mainly features Why it matters: “Features” states the relationship more directly and naturally.
- 11. Strengthen causal progression Suggested revision: Link the historical beliefs to media and audience behaviour before listing the resulting coverage, investment, and visibility. Why it matters: A clearer cause-to-effect sequence would make the paragraph's progression easier to follow.
- 12. Integrate the example Suggested revision: Make the NBA/WNBA comparison directly illustrate the preceding claim about unequal allocation of airtime rather than restating the contrast separately. Why it matters: Tighter integration would reduce repetition and improve the movement from claim to evidence.
Suggested Rewrites
- is historical and societal norms stems from historical and societal norms
- shed some light on examine
- overwhelming focus disproportionate focus
- more entertaining, competitive, and lucrative more entertaining and competitive, and therefore more lucrative
- thereby garnering which consequently attract
- extensive coverage extensive media coverage
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both parts directly, maintains a clear negative position, and develops its explanation with a relevant contrast between men's and women's media coverage. Its main limitation is some overlap and repetition between historical bias, social norms, and media influence, which makes the argument slightly less nuanced than it could be. Prioritise separating these causes more sharply and explaining how each independently sustains the imbalance.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are fully addressed through a clear negative position, relevant causes, and well-developed consequences.
Distinguish the historical, social, and media causes more sharply to add greater depth and avoid conceptual overlap.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly throughout.
Reduce repeated references to attention and imbalance so the progression feels even more economical.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad, precise, and appropriately formal, with effective phrases for discussing inequality and media coverage.
Vary recurring words such as attention, coverage, and hindering to make the expression still more flexible.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with strong control of sentence boundaries and agreement.
Refine occasional heavily packed sentences by varying their length and clause structure for maximum clarity.
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