In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
Sample Response
Nowadays, it has become a significant trend in some countries that owning a home is seen as more important than renting. In this essay, I will briefly examine the reasons behind this situation and discuss whether it has a positive or negative impact.
In general, in many countries property ownership is a symbol of wealth. For example, in China it is common that the parents disapprove of their daughter marrying a man without a decent house. They think a suitable property is a key to a successful marriage because it provides stability. In addition, people worry that they cannot afford a property if they do not buy one as soon as possible, as a result that the price of a house has consistently risen. For instance, Irish house prices have dramatically increased by 50% in the last 5 years.
From my point of view, I acknowledge owning a home has some reasonable reasons, however the belief that owning a home is better than renting has more negative than positive outcomes which will make young people living under heavy pressure due to the high price. Moreover, people who own a home are not willing to move to a new area for living or work. It makes society less dynamic and reduce the creativity .
In conclusion, although choosing to own a home makes sense , if people believe it is better than renting, it might create a negative situation. It will lead to the growth of pressure on people and decline the dynamism of society. Ideally, people should be free to choose whichever way suits their circumstances.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. possessive gerund Original: disapprove of their daughter marrying Suggested revision: disapprove of their daughter's marrying Why it matters: Using the possessive form before a gerund is grammatically precise.
- 2. incorrect linker Original: as a result that the price of a house has consistently risen Suggested revision: with the result that the price of housing has consistently risen Why it matters: 'As a result that' is ungrammatical. Use 'with the result that' or 'as a result of which'.
- 3. redundant phrasing Original: owning a home has some reasonable reasons Suggested revision: homeownership is driven by valid motivations Why it matters: Repeating 'owning' and 'reasons' in the same clause is repetitive and lacks lexical range.
- 4. verb pattern error Original: which will make young people living under heavy pressure Suggested revision: which forces young people to live under heavy pressure Why it matters: The verb 'make' should be followed by a bare infinitive (make young people live), or you can use 'forces... to live'.
- 5. parallel structure Original: for living or work Suggested revision: to live or work Why it matters: Using parallel infinitive verbs ('to live or work') is cleaner and more natural here.
- 6. subject-verb agreement Original: reduce the creativity . Suggested revision: reduces creativity. Why it matters: The subject is 'It' (singular), so the verb must be 'reduces'. Also, 'creativity' is an abstract noun and does not need the definite article 'the' here.
- 7. incorrect collocation Original: decline the dynamism of society Suggested revision: reduce the dynamism of society Why it matters: 'Decline' is usually an intransitive verb. You cannot 'decline' an object; instead, use 'reduce' or 'diminish'.
- 8. Outline thesis Original: In this essay, I will briefly examine the reasons behind this situation and discuss whether it has a positive or negative impact. Suggested revision: In this essay, I will examine how financial security drives this trend, and argue that this obsession with homeownership ultimately has negative consequences for social mobility. Why it matters: Instead of just announcing what you will do, state your actual position/thesis directly in the introduction to improve your Task Response score.
- 9. Develop negative impacts Suggested revision: From my point of view, although the desire to own a home is understandable, the societal pressure to do so has predominantly negative outcomes. Firstly, high property prices force young people to take on immense debt, limiting their disposable income. Secondly, homeownership reduces labor mobility, as individuals are less willing to relocate for career opportunities, which ultimately makes the economy less dynamic. Why it matters: The body paragraph discussing the negative impacts is a bit brief. Expanding on the economic and social consequences would make your argument much stronger.
- 10. Clearer Thesis Statement Suggested revision: Ensure your introduction clearly states your opinion (positive or negative) rather than keeping it a secret until the third paragraph. Why it matters: A clear position throughout the response is key to achieving a Band 7 or higher in Task Response.
- 11. Grammar Accuracy Suggested revision: Review verb patterns (e.g., make someone do something) and article usage with abstract nouns. Why it matters: Eliminating minor grammatical slips will help push your GRA score from a 6.0 to a 7.0.
Suggested Rewrites
- disapprove of their daughter marrying disapprove of their daughter's marrying
- as a result that the price of a house has consistently risen with the result that the price of housing has consistently risen
- owning a home has some reasonable reasons homeownership is driven by valid motivations
- which will make young people living under heavy pressure which forces young people to live under heavy pressure
- for living or work to live or work
- reduce the creativity . reduces creativity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The candidate addresses both parts of the prompt. The reasons for owning a home are clearly explained with relevant examples (China and Ireland). The position on whether this is positive or negative is clear, arguing that it is mostly negative.
To improve, ensure the introduction outlines your specific position rather than just stating you will 'discuss whether it has a positive or negative impact'.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphing. Cohesive devices are used, though some transitions are slightly repetitive or mechanical.
Work on smoother transitions between sentences and avoid starting paragraphs with overly formulaic phrases like 'From my point of view'.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, with some good collocations like 'property ownership' and 'successful marriage'. However, there are some repetitive word choices and minor collocations errors.
Vary your vocabulary to avoid repeating words like 'people', 'home', and 'pressure', and learn correct collocations for verbs of change (e.g., 'reduce dynamism' instead of 'decline the dynamism').
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The candidate uses a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors, particularly with article usage, subject-verb agreement, and prepositional phrases.
Focus on mastering relative clauses and participle clauses (e.g., 'making young people live' instead of 'make young people living').