An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
It is believed that a lot of people have decided to change their jobs or workplaces, and living areas as well. Despite some negative developments that do exist, I personally believe that the changing activity is a positive development.
On the one hand, some potential risks may occur when people decide to change their jobs or residential areas. There is a risk that they might not perform well in their new roles, or not welcomed by the other employees. Besides that, there is also a chance that the new neighbourhoods have high crime rates or the weather might not be friendly. However, changing a career and a living area is an essential thing; therefore people should study, do some researchers, analyse all of the problems and try to mitigate the risks before they make a decision.
On the other hand, it is true that when people changed their careers and area of living, they could find some benefits. Firstly, as people changed their works, they might become more successful than in their previous careers. In certain situations, some people might have felt that their current jobs are not in accordance with their passions. Therefore they prefer to change their occupations into other jobs which are more suitable for them. Secondly, living in new places, or new cities give them the opportunities to experience new things. They could feel the experiences of having new friends, learn new languages or even feel the different weather conditions.
In conclusion, I personally think that changing a career or living place is a positive development, as people could achieve higher careers in their lives and get more experiences in their life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural wording Original: living areas Suggested revision: places of residence Why it matters: This is more natural for where people live.
- 2. Awkward phrase Original: the changing activity Suggested revision: this trend Why it matters: Changing activity is unnatural in this context.
- 3. Passive form Original: not welcomed by the other employees Suggested revision: not be welcomed by the other employees Why it matters: The verb phrase needs be after might.
- 4. Wrong noun form Original: do some researchers Suggested revision: do some research Why it matters: Research is uncountable in this use.
- 5. Use general present Original: when people changed their careers Suggested revision: when people change their careers Why it matters: The essay is discussing a general trend, so present simple is better.
- 6. Wrong noun Original: changed their works Suggested revision: change their jobs Why it matters: Works is not used for jobs in this meaning.
- 7. Agreement Original: give them the opportunities Suggested revision: gives them the opportunity Why it matters: The subject is living in new places, so the verb should be singular.
- 8. Natural collocation Original: feel the experiences Suggested revision: have the experience Why it matters: People have experiences; they do not usually feel them.
- 9. Clear thesis Original: Despite some negative developments that do exist, I personally believe that the changing activity is a positive development. Suggested revision: Although changing jobs and relocating can create risks, I believe this trend is generally positive because it can improve career satisfaction and broaden people's life experience. Why it matters: This gives a direct answer and previews the main reasons.
- 10. Fix wording and logic Original: However, changing a career and a living area is an essential thing; therefore people should study, do some researchers, analyse all of the problems and try to mitigate the risks before they make a decision. Suggested revision: However, if people research the new job and neighbourhood carefully, they can reduce many of these risks before making a decision. Why it matters: The original has word-form errors and an unclear claim that change is essential.
- 11. Develop benefit Original: Firstly, as people changed their works, they might become more successful than in their previous careers. Suggested revision: Firstly, when people change jobs, they may find work that better matches their skills and therefore become more successful than they were in their previous careers. Why it matters: The revised sentence explains why the benefit occurs.
- 12. Natural expression Original: They could feel the experiences of having new friends, learn new languages or even feel the different weather conditions. Suggested revision: They could make new friends, learn new languages and adapt to different weather conditions. Why it matters: The original repeats feel and uses unnatural collocations.
Suggested Rewrites
- living areas places of residence
- the changing activity this trend
- not welcomed by the other employees not be welcomed by the other employees
- do some researchers do some research
- when people changed their careers when people change their careers
- changed their works change their jobs
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response gives a clear positive view and considers risks and benefits. Development is relevant but often general, with limited concrete examples.
Add one specific example of a career change or relocation and explain the measurable benefit or risk.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is easy to follow with clear paragraphs. Some transitions are repetitive and the contrast paragraph is not fully integrated with the positive judgement.
Use the first body paragraph to concede risks, then explicitly show why they are manageable.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, but there is repetition and several inaccurate collocations.
Build a small set of accurate collocations: change careers, relocate, residential area, job satisfaction, career prospects.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but errors with verb tense, plural nouns, and word forms occur throughout.
Review noun forms after do/make and keep past/present tense consistent when discussing general trends.