Nowadays more people choose to move out from the area where they grew up, in a search for a better job. Do you think there are more advantages than disadvantages to this development? Why?
Sample Response
People work hard during their entire life to meet their financial obligationsmeet the financial expenses to support their families and improve their standard of livingraise their lives. People travel from place to place in search of better employment, quality of life and spend a large span of their life away from their hometown and often families. This essay will analyse the merits and demerits associated with this trend and will highlight some factors that trigger this relocation.
People generally move out from their hometown in search of better employment opportunities. They believe that they can be better rewarded if they work in large citiesmetropolitan and foreign countries where their skills and talent is in high demand. Relocating to foreign countries is beneficial in terms of exchange rates. For instance, due to higher currency exchange rates skilled workersworked and professionals on the subcontinentprofessionals in sub-continent prefer to work in different countries in the Middle East region to make both ends meet. People immigrate due to lack of employment, academic institutions, infrastructure services and high crime rate. Relocation provides a better quality of lifeRelocations provide the quality of life, ample employment opportunities, diversity in life which they cannot have while living in their hometown. Moreover, working in multinational companiescountries often located in prestigious cities and countries can ensure a successful and long-lasting career and they believe they can givereturn something back to society in future.
However, migration is not always beneficial and has its own challenges. People relocating to other cities are complete strangersare a complete stranger and it takes timetimes to adapt to a new environmentto new environment and mix with people coming from different backgrounds, races, and castesdifferent background, race and cast. They are not familiar with the local cultural normstheir cultural norms and traditional values which can be challenging for them. Moreover, the language barrier can prevent them from socialising and progressing in societyprogressing in the society. Their families back home are often left alone to deal with everyday life challenges and can result in family destruction. People on the subcontinent generally preferPeople in sub-continent generally prefers to moverelocate back once they observe their children adapting to negative values of foreign culture where the new generation finds it very difficult to adjust to the local cultureadjust with local culture and impact relationships. It also impacts the economic growth of the region where high profile people generally migrate leaving othersother to make their contributioncontribute their part.
To recapitulate, the aforementioned provides plausible arguments over merits and demerits associated with relocation. The analysis suggests that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages as relocation often results in the destruction of family relationships and cultural values.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response directly considers both sides of relocation and reaches a clear judgment, with several relevant reasons concerning work, family, culture, and regional development. Its main limitation is that some points are generalized or compressed, while frequent awkward phrasing and grammatical slips weaken otherwise clear communication. The strongest improvement would be to select fewer claims, explain their consequences more precisely, and proofread sentences for agreement and natural collocation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages, gives a clear final judgment, and supports it with several relevant ideas.
Deepen the comparison by explaining why the family and cultural costs outweigh the employment benefits rather than mainly listing effects.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into clear functional paragraphs, although some long sequences of claims weaken internal progression.
Group each body paragraph around fewer closely connected points and make the links between cause, example, and consequence explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, but inaccurate collocations and word forms occur regularly.
Use more natural combinations for employment, migration, and cultural effects, and avoid words whose meaning does not precisely fit the context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures are mixed with generally clear meaning, despite recurring errors in agreement, articles, number, and sentence control.
Edit each sentence for subject-verb agreement and singular-plural consistency, especially when the subject is people, families, or opportunities.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays more people choose to move out from the area where they grew up, in a search for a better job. Do you think there are more advantages than disadvantages to this development? Why?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.