Nowadays more people choose to move out from the area where they grew up, in a search for a better job. Do you think there are more advantages than disadvantages to this development? Why?
Sample Response
People work hard during their entire life to meet the financial expenses to support their families and raise their lives. People travel from place to place in search of better employment, quality of life and spend a large span of their life away from their hometown and often families. This essay will analyse the merits and demerits associated with this trend and will highlight some factors that trigger this relocation.
People generally move out from their hometown in search of better employment opportunities. They believe that they can be better rewarded if they work in large metropolitan and foreign countries where their skills and talent is in high demand. Relocating to foreign countries is beneficial in terms of exchange rates. For instance, due to higher currency exchange rates skilled worked and professionals in sub-continent prefer to work in different countries in the Middle East region to make both ends meet. People immigrate due to lack of employment, academic institutions, infrastructure services and high crime rate. Relocations provide the quality of life, ample employment opportunities, diversity in life which they cannot have while living in their hometown. Moreover, working in multinational countries often located in prestigious cities and countries can ensure a successful and long-lasting career and they believe they can return something back to society in future.
However, migration is not always beneficial and has its own challenges. People relocating to other cities are a complete stranger and it takes times to adapt to new environment and mix with people coming from different background, race and cast. They are not familiar with their cultural norms and traditional values which can be challenging for them. Moreover, the language barrier can prevent them from socialising and progressing in the society. Their families back home are often left alone to deal with everyday life challenges and can result in family destruction. People in sub-continent generally prefers to relocate back once they observe their children adapting to negative values of foreign culture where the new generation finds it very difficult to adjust with local culture and impact relationships. It also impacts the economic growth of the region where high profile people generally migrate leaving other to contribute their part.
To recapitulate, the aforementioned provides plausible arguments over merits and demerits associated with relocation. The analysis suggests that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages as relocation often results in the destruction of family relationships and cultural values.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: meet the financial expenses Suggested revision: meet their financial obligations Why it matters: People meet financial obligations rather than meet expenses.
- 2. Clarify the improvement Original: raise their lives Suggested revision: improve their standard of living Why it matters: The proposed phrase naturally expresses making one's life materially better.
- 3. Complete the noun phrase Original: large metropolitan Suggested revision: large cities Why it matters: 'Metropolitan' is normally an adjective and cannot stand alone as a countable place here.
- 4. Use the correct noun Original: skilled worked Suggested revision: skilled workers Why it matters: The sentence needs the plural noun 'workers', not the past-tense verb 'worked'.
- 5. Add article and preposition Original: professionals in sub-continent Suggested revision: professionals on the subcontinent Why it matters: A geographical subcontinent takes the definite article and the preposition 'on'.
- 6. Fix number and article Original: Relocations provide the quality of life Suggested revision: Relocation provides a better quality of life Why it matters: The general process is singular, and the benefit requires the comparative idea 'a better quality of life'.
- 7. Correct the noun choice Original: multinational countries Suggested revision: multinational companies Why it matters: 'Multinational' describes companies operating across countries, not countries themselves in this context.
- 8. Avoid redundant wording Original: return something back Suggested revision: give something back Why it matters: 'Return' and 'back' duplicate the same meaning, while 'give something back' is idiomatic here.
- 9. Match plural subject Original: are a complete stranger Suggested revision: are complete strangers Why it matters: The plural subject 'people' requires the plural complement 'strangers'.
- 10. Use uncountable time Original: takes times Suggested revision: takes time Why it matters: 'Time' is uncountable in the expression 'it takes time'.
- 11. Add the article Original: to new environment Suggested revision: to a new environment Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'environment' requires an article.
- 12. Use plural categories Original: different background, race and cast Suggested revision: different backgrounds, races, and castes Why it matters: The reference to multiple people requires plural category nouns, and 'caste' is misspelled.
Suggested Rewrites
- meet the financial expenses meet their financial obligations
- raise their lives improve their standard of living
- large metropolitan large cities
- skilled worked skilled workers
- professionals in sub-continent professionals on the subcontinent
- Relocations provide the quality of life Relocation provides a better quality of life
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response directly considers both sides of relocation and reaches a clear judgment, with several relevant reasons concerning work, family, culture, and regional development. Its main limitation is that some points are generalized or compressed, while frequent awkward phrasing and grammatical slips weaken otherwise clear communication. The strongest improvement would be to select fewer claims, explain their consequences more precisely, and proofread sentences for agreement and natural collocation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages, gives a clear final judgment, and supports it with several relevant ideas.
Deepen the comparison by explaining why the family and cultural costs outweigh the employment benefits rather than mainly listing effects.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into clear functional paragraphs, although some long sequences of claims weaken internal progression.
Group each body paragraph around fewer closely connected points and make the links between cause, example, and consequence explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, but inaccurate collocations and word forms occur regularly.
Use more natural combinations for employment, migration, and cultural effects, and avoid words whose meaning does not precisely fit the context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures are mixed with generally clear meaning, despite recurring errors in agreement, articles, number, and sentence control.
Edit each sentence for subject-verb agreement and singular-plural consistency, especially when the subject is people, families, or opportunities.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays more people choose to move out from the area where they grew up, in a search for a better job. Do you think there are more advantages than disadvantages to this development? Why?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.