Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people, therefore, think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
In our modern world, people’s educational background is considered one of the greatest priorities to many administrations. Some may say that some more important study must be supported more by state authorities; however, others, included myself agree that the drawbacks of this method outweigh the positive influences.
On the one hand, those who believe that focusing more on some specific essential curriculum by governments is more beneficial to humans have their reasons. One reason behind it is that they will face fewer healthcare problems. Admitting of more medical or nursing students will lead the general public to gain a better quality of healthcare system. For example, had the government of India backed up medical students more, Indian people would have had a better level of well-being; but unfortunately, every year hundreds of medical graduates have to move their country into Western countries for finding better study opportunities. Another advantage is that more starved nations will be nourished. Farming should be supported more by governments. Investing more in agricultural education, countries will have more advanced and mechanised agriculture, and more developed techniques will be used in this sector.
On the other hand, I personally believe that all study subjects must be valued equally, and all humans have similar rights to receive identical funds to continue their study. The first obvious factor is that the rate of unemployment will increase if university principals follow this policy. Clearly, by supporting more specific study subjects, the number jobless professionals will increase far considerably. For instance, in Iran, two decades ago, the capacity of medical universities was enhanced by the government, and more loans were given to medical students. This caused the number of medical graduates grew fast, and gradually their employment opportunity dropped. Furthermore, it can be against the civil rights. Obviously, all citizens pay tax and must have a wide selection to choose their favourite study material. If they do not receive equal financial support, they may become unsatisfied citizens.
To sum up, although some education fields are more phenomenal to societies, from my point of view, all study courses must be validated similarly by administrations because all applicants have equal rights, and this method may increase the number of unemployed professionals being more backed up.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural wording Original: educational background is considered one of the greatest priorities to many administrations Suggested revision: education is considered a major priority by many governments Why it matters: The original is wordy and uses "to" where "by" is needed.
- 2. Precise noun phrase Original: some more important study Suggested revision: some more important subjects Why it matters: "Study" is not the right countable noun for university fields here.
- 3. Participial phrase Original: others, included myself agree Suggested revision: others, including myself, agree Why it matters: Use "including" and place commas around the inserted phrase.
- 4. Task wording Original: positive influences Suggested revision: advantages Why it matters: "Advantages" fits the task question better than the broader phrase "positive influences".
- 5. Wrong word Original: specific essential curriculum Suggested revision: specific essential disciplines Why it matters: "Curriculum" means a programme of study, not the subject fields being funded.
- 6. Gerund phrase Original: Admitting of more medical or nursing students Suggested revision: Admitting more medical and nursing students Why it matters: The verb "admit" does not take "of" in this structure.
- 7. Natural collocation Original: a better quality of healthcare system Suggested revision: a better-quality healthcare system Why it matters: This is a more natural adjective-noun structure.
- 8. Verb pattern Original: move their country into Western countries Suggested revision: leave their country for Western countries Why it matters: People "leave" a country for another; they do not "move their country".
- 9. Overstated wording Original: more starved nations will be nourished Suggested revision: food-insecure nations could improve food production Why it matters: The original sounds unnatural and too absolute.
- 10. Academic phrasing Original: all study subjects must be valued equally Suggested revision: all fields of study should be valued equally Why it matters: "Fields of study" is the standard expression.
- 11. Missing preposition Original: the number jobless professionals Suggested revision: the number of jobless professionals Why it matters: Use "the number of" before a plural noun.
- 12. Causative verb form Original: This caused the number of medical graduates grew fast Suggested revision: This caused the number of medical graduates to grow rapidly Why it matters: After "caused", use object + to-infinitive.
Suggested Rewrites
- educational background is considered one of the greatest priorities to many administrations education is considered a major priority by many governments
- some more important study some more important subjects
- others, included myself agree others, including myself, agree
- positive influences advantages
- specific essential curriculum specific essential disciplines
- Admitting of more medical or nursing students Admitting more medical and nursing students
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The answer addresses the advantages and disadvantages and gives a clear view that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Some examples are relevant, but parts of the reasoning are overstated or not fully tied to the specific funding policy.
Keep the balanced structure, but evaluate the policy more directly by comparing social need, fairness, workforce planning and the risk of oversupply.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is organised into clear paragraphs with useful contrast markers. Cohesion is sometimes mechanical, and several sentences within paragraphs jump from one example to another without enough explanation.
Add short linking explanations after examples so the reader can see how each example proves the funding-policy argument.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic vocabulary, but several choices are inaccurate or unnatural, including "curriculum", "starved nations", "study material" and "validated similarly".
Replace ambitious but inaccurate words with precise education-policy vocabulary such as "disciplines", "shortage areas", "tuition support" and "equal access".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences and conditionals are attempted, but errors with participle clauses, noun forms, articles and agreement occur regularly. Meaning is generally clear, but accuracy is uneven.
Simplify long sentences and check that each clause has a clear subject, verb and object before adding conditionals or passive forms.