Many people say that smoking should be banned while others say it is not a good idea. What is your opinion on this? Use your own experience
Sample Response
A complete ban on smoking is controversial as many people strongly support it while others disagree. In many countries, public smoking is forbidden, but it is still widespread in many other countries. I, however, believe that smoking should be banned, but it should be done slowly and with proper planning and steps. First of all, smoking is severely detrimental to public health. It causes lung cancer which ultimately leads to death. Secondly, smoking is a complete waste of money, and addiction to smoking sometimes leads to enslavement to other illegal substances. Eventually, many addicted people get involved in different types of crimes to manage the money they need to abuse illegal substances. Finally, smoking not only harms the smoker but also the people around them. Recent studies on smoking suggest that passive smoking is as harmful as active smoking. Having said that, the tobacco industry is a huge source of tax for the government. The authority makes the best utilization of the tax money by building schools, parks, overhaul streets and other public facilities that serve ordinary people. Millions of people work in cigarette-related industries, and if smoking is banned completely, these people will lose their jobs. Some smokers believe that smoking relieves them from tension and stress, though it has not been scientifically proven. Finally, some people think that banning smoking is like restricting people's freedom. In conclusion, I believe that the government should take initiatives rationally about prohibiting smoking. Public smoking should be prohibited and any violation of this rule should be penalized, but a complete ban on smoking should be made slowly and with proper planning.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify pronoun reference Original: strongly support it Suggested revision: strongly support such a ban Why it matters: Naming the ban directly removes a slight ambiguity in the pronoun reference.
- 2. Use policy term Original: forbidden Suggested revision: banned Why it matters: 'Banned' is more consistent with the policy language used throughout the response.
- 3. Avoid close repetition Original: in many other countries Suggested revision: elsewhere Why it matters: This avoids repeating 'in many countries' within the same sentence.
- 4. Clarify pronoun reference Original: smoking should be banned, but it should Suggested revision: smoking should be banned, but the ban should Why it matters: The pronoun 'it' could refer to smoking rather than the proposed ban.
- 5. Use precise phrasing Original: proper planning and steps Suggested revision: careful planning and phased steps Why it matters: The revision makes the idea of gradual implementation more precise.
- 6. Avoid absolute claim Original: which ultimately leads to death Suggested revision: which can ultimately be fatal Why it matters: The modal form accurately expresses a possible outcome without changing the stated health risk.
- 7. Moderate absolute wording Original: a complete waste of money Suggested revision: a significant waste of money Why it matters: 'Significant' expresses the financial criticism without an unnecessarily absolute formulation.
- 8. Use accurate collocation Original: enslavement to other illegal substances Suggested revision: dependence on other illegal substances Why it matters: 'Dependence on substances' is the natural collocation for the intended meaning.
- 9. Align number consistently Original: the smoker but also the people around them Suggested revision: smokers but also people around them Why it matters: Using plural nouns throughout makes the number agreement fully consistent.
- 10. Remove redundant phrase Original: Recent studies on smoking Suggested revision: Recent studies Why it matters: The following clause already specifies that the studies concern smoking.
- 11. Use tax collocation Original: a huge source of tax Suggested revision: a major source of tax revenue Why it matters: Governments receive tax revenue, so the original noun phrase is incomplete.
- 12. Name actor consistently Original: The authority Suggested revision: The government Why it matters: This refers back more clearly to the government named in the preceding sentence.
Suggested Rewrites
- strongly support it strongly support such a ban
- forbidden banned
- in many other countries elsewhere
- smoking should be banned, but it should smoking should be banned, but the ban should
- proper planning and steps careful planning and phased steps
- which ultimately leads to death which can ultimately be fatal
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response states a clear, nuanced position and considers both the public-health case for prohibition and practical objections to an immediate ban. Its reasoning is generally relevant, but some claims are briefly asserted, the requested personal experience is absent, and the single-paragraph presentation weakens organisation. The highest-priority improvement is to group and extend the main arguments in distinct paragraphs with more specific support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the opinion question clearly and covers relevant arguments on both sides, though some support is general and the requested personal experience is omitted.
Add a specific personal or observed example and explain the strongest claims, especially the suggested link between smoking and other crime.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable progression, but all ideas appear in one paragraph and several sequencing devices are used mechanically.
Separate the position, reasons for a ban, counterarguments, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clearer internal topic development.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, although several collocations and word choices are awkward or imprecise.
Use more natural combinations such as ‘tax revenue’, ‘reduce stress’, and ‘take a measured approach to prohibition’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally good control, and the few grammatical errors rarely affect clarity.
Check parallel structure and verb forms in lists, particularly constructions following prepositions such as ‘by’.
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