Many people say that smoking should be banned while others say it is not a good idea. What is your opinion on this? Use your own experience
Sample Response
(Public smoking should be prohibited, but a complete ban on smoking should be done slowly and with proper planning.) Banning smoking is a controversial issue as many people strongly support this ban while others disagree with it. It has been around for centuries and in many countries, public smoking is prohibited and against the law while it is open in many other countries. There are discussions and arguments about whether smoking should be banned completely or not. First of all, smoking is detrimental to health. It causes lung cancer which ultimately leads to death. It might take a long time to show symptoms but it always happens. Secondly, it is a waste of money as smokers spend a lot of money on the cigarette. Addiction to smoking leads to addiction to marijuana, yaba etc. Eventually, addicted people get involved in different types of crimes. They start collecting money by stealing, lying and robbing and the severity of the crime keeps on increasing. Moreover, smoking not only harm the smoker but also the people around them. Recent studies on smoking suggest that passive smoking is as harmful as active smoking. On the contrary, the tobacco industry is the source of huge tax for the government. Government makes the best utilization of the tax money by building schools, mosques, overhaul streets etc. Thousands of people work in cigarette-related industries and this creates huge job opportunities. If smoking is banned completely, these people will become unemployed. Another vague benefit of smoking is that smokers believe smoking refreshes their minds and relieves them from tension and stress, though it has not been scientifically proved. Some people think that banning smoking is like imposing restriction on people's freedom and they completely oppose the idea of imposing restrictions on smoking. Up to this point of view, we see that there are opinions for and against the banning of smoking. I believe, the government should think rationally and wisely before they make any decision about prohibiting smoking. Personally, I believe that public smoking should be prohibited and any violation of this rule should be penalized but a complete ban on smoking should be made slowly and with proper planning.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify causal link Original: controversial issue as Suggested revision: controversial issue because Why it matters: Because makes the relationship between controversy and disagreement explicit.
- 2. Fix premature reference Original: support this ban Suggested revision: support a ban Why it matters: A ban has not yet been specified clearly enough to take the definite reference this.
- 3. Remove redundant wording Original: public smoking is prohibited and against the law Suggested revision: public smoking is prohibited Why it matters: Prohibited already means that the activity is not allowed by law.
- 4. Use correct adjective Original: it is open Suggested revision: it is permitted Why it matters: Open cannot describe whether smoking is legally allowed.
- 5. Use concise noun Original: discussions and arguments Suggested revision: debate Why it matters: Debate conveys both discussion and opposing arguments without repetition.
- 6. Use plural general noun Original: on the cigarette Suggested revision: on cigarettes Why it matters: The general product category requires the plural form without the definite article.
- 7. Punctuate abbreviation Original: yaba etc. Suggested revision: yaba, etc. Why it matters: A comma should precede etc. in this list.
- 8. Choose accurate verb Original: collecting money Suggested revision: obtaining money Why it matters: Obtaining describes acquiring money, while collecting suggests gathering money already due or donated.
- 9. Fix subject agreement Original: smoking not only harm Suggested revision: smoking not only harms Why it matters: The singular subject smoking requires the third-person singular verb harms.
- 10. Match pronoun reference Original: people around them Suggested revision: people around the smoker Why it matters: The replacement avoids the mismatch between the singular smoker and plural them.
- 11. Use tax collocation Original: the source of huge tax Suggested revision: a source of substantial tax revenue Why it matters: Tax revenue is the correct term for money received by the government from taxation.
- 12. Add definite article Original: Government makes Suggested revision: The government makes Why it matters: Government requires the definite article when referring to the national institution.
Suggested Rewrites
- controversial issue as controversial issue because
- support this ban support a ban
- public smoking is prohibited and against the law public smoking is prohibited
- it is open it is permitted
- discussions and arguments debate
- on the cigarette on cigarettes
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, qualified opinion and explores substantial arguments on both sides, with a logical movement from health harms to economic and freedom concerns. The strongest limitation is presentation: the entire essay is one paragraph, so major stages of the argument are insufficiently separated, while some claims are overgeneralised. Divide the discussion into purposeful paragraphs and support the central claims more cautiously.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear qualified position is maintained and both sides are developed, but some arguments are exaggerated and the requested experiential support is absent.
Use a credible personal or observed example and avoid unsupported causal claims linking smoking directly to wider addiction and crime.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence of opposing arguments and the final position is easy to follow, but the single-paragraph format weakens organisation substantially.
Separate the introduction, reasons for a ban, counterarguments and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clear central topics.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficiently wide range of topic vocabulary, although several collocations and expressions are awkward or imprecise.
Prefer natural phrases such as generates substantial tax revenue, repairs roads and restricts individual freedom.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentence forms is used with generally good control, and the remaining agreement and article errors rarely hinder meaning.
Edit for subject-verb agreement, article use and comma placement in clauses containing reporting or opinion verbs.