In many parts of the world, there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Whether live sports on television avert youngsters from actually playing sports in real life is a controversial issue and deserves a thorough discussion. In my opinion, participating in different sports is far useful than only enjoying it on television, though watching a few games does not hurt. In this essay, I will discuss the view and present my opinion. To start with, many sports channels broadcast non-stop sporting competitions and many countries have ongoing tournaments. Young people these days have passions for numerous sports but hardly participate in outdoor sports. They prefer sports channel as part of entertainment rather than encouragement for their sportsmanship skill development. Non-stop sports on TV in a way deter youngsters from becoming sportsmen themselves. For example, more than half of my college friends are big fans of international sports like cricket and football but their personal experience on these games are quite limited. They are better critics of those games than players. Only sports channels are not responsible for this decay. The rise of video games and access to gaming consoles have fueled the trend. Furthermore, parents are responsible for this degradation as well. While parents should have encouraged children to play outdoor games, they are contented with the latest PlayStation and Xbox for their offsprings! In conclusion, the reluctance to play games rather than watching sports on TV has been kindled by the endless sporting programmes on TV, parents' apathy and widespread access to gaming devices. No doubt sports on TV can be a good way to enjoy our favourite team's performance but youngsters should not watch it all day long.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Wrong verb Original: avert youngsters Suggested revision: discourage youngsters Why it matters: Discourage matches the task wording and is more natural here.
- 2. Comparative form Original: is far useful than Suggested revision: is far more useful than Why it matters: The comparative needs more before the adjective.
- 3. Natural collocation Original: passions for numerous sports Suggested revision: an interest in many sports Why it matters: Passions for numerous sports sounds awkward and overstated.
- 4. Plural/article Original: prefer sports channel Suggested revision: prefer sports channels Why it matters: The writer is referring to sports channels in general.
- 5. Awkward noun stack Original: sportsmanship skill development Suggested revision: development of sporting skills Why it matters: The original noun stack is unclear and unnatural.
- 6. Preposition and agreement Original: their personal experience on these games are Suggested revision: their personal experience of these games is Why it matters: Experience is singular here and takes of.
- 7. Overstrong noun Original: responsible for this decay Suggested revision: responsible for this decline Why it matters: Decline is more appropriate than decay for participation levels.
- 8. Uncountable form Original: their offsprings Suggested revision: their offspring Why it matters: Offspring has the same form in singular and plural.
- 9. Clearer opinion Original: In my opinion, participating in different sports is far useful than only enjoying it on television, though watching a few games does not hurt. Suggested revision: In my opinion, participating in sport is far more beneficial than only watching it on television, although watching some games can still be enjoyable. Why it matters: The revised sentence fixes grammar and makes the view more precise.
- 10. Clarify argument Original: They prefer sports channel as part of entertainment rather than encouragement for their sportsmanship skill development. Suggested revision: They treat sports channels as entertainment rather than as motivation to develop their own sporting skills. Why it matters: This keeps the idea but removes awkward wording.
- 11. Fix agreement Original: For example, more than half of my college friends are big fans of international sports like cricket and football but their personal experience on these games are quite limited. Suggested revision: For example, more than half of my college friends are big fans of international sports like cricket and football, but their personal experience of these games is quite limited. Why it matters: Add a comma before but and use experience of plus singular is.
- 12. Link to task Original: Only sports channels are not responsible for this decay. Suggested revision: However, sports channels are not the only reason for this decline in participation. Why it matters: This more clearly connects the added causes to the essay question.
Suggested Rewrites
- avert youngsters discourage youngsters
- is far useful than is far more useful than
- passions for numerous sports an interest in many sports
- prefer sports channel prefer sports channels
- sportsmanship skill development development of sporting skills
- their personal experience on these games are their personal experience of these games is
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses the view and gives a clear opinion. It develops the main cause reasonably, though it adds gaming and parents without fully tying them back to television coverage.
Keep the focus on whether continuous sports coverage discourages participation, and treat gaming or parenting as supporting factors rather than separate causes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear direction, but paragraphing is weak because most of the response appears in one long body section.
Separate the TV argument, other contributing factors, and final opinion into distinct paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally appropriate and sometimes flexible, but a few word choices and collocations are inaccurate.
Use precise phrases such as discourages participation, develop sporting skills, and excessive screen time.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence control is generally good, with some errors in comparatives, articles, and agreement.
Check comparative forms and noun agreement, especially around sports, games, and plural count nouns.