Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Maybe everybody has experienced that they have to pay more in comparison to local people to enter a museum or zoo. For some people, it can be acceptable while others may dislike it very much. Some people advocate it while others may object it. In this essay, I will try to put myself in the position of both groups and discuss the cons and pros of each option. Firstly, when the foreign visitors pay more for a cultural and historical attraction, it will bring more income and economic benefits for the owners of that attraction (that city, country etc.). Further, the more money is gathered through the attraction, the more service the provider can give to the tourists. They can use the money to improve the facilities offered to the tourists like translations in several languages, brochures, headphones (for listening translation). Moreover, they can educate local people about the attraction and hire them as tourist guides to assist visitors to offer a better understanding of that attraction. On the other side, those who disagree with this opinion may say that this discrimination (that tourists must pay more than local people) may lead to a misunderstanding and they (the tourists) may think that the system is abusing them. This feeling of abusing may result in dissatisfaction and reduction in the number of tourists. Moreover, the less amount of tourist, the less income will be brought to the attraction. For instance, The British National Museum is free for everybody to enter while the Louvre Museum in Paris costs a lot of money for visitors to enter, and both have a lot of visitors each year. I believe that the staff of each attraction must calculate the benefits and drawbacks of each measure (price difference in this case) and evaluate the consequences. To conclude, it is difficult to suggest "the golden solution" which will work out for every attraction.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add preposition Original: object it Suggested revision: object to it Why it matters: The verb "object" requires "to" before the object.
- 2. Use standard order Original: cons and pros Suggested revision: pros and cons Why it matters: The standard phrase sounds more natural and polished.
- 3. Remove article Original: the foreign visitors pay more Suggested revision: foreign visitors pay more Why it matters: The plural noun is used generally, so "the" is not needed.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: the more service Suggested revision: the more services Why it matters: The countable noun should be plural when referring to several tourist services.
- 5. Use tourism term Original: listening translation Suggested revision: audio guides Why it matters: The intended tourist service is normally called an audio guide.
- 6. Use standard linker Original: On the other side Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: This is the standard phrase for presenting the opposing view.
- 7. Use natural noun Original: feeling of abusing Suggested revision: feeling of being exploited Why it matters: The original phrase uses the wrong noun form and is not idiomatic.
- 8. Add article Original: reduction in the number of tourists Suggested revision: a reduction in the number of tourists Why it matters: The singular countable noun phrase needs an article.
- 9. Use countable form Original: less amount of tourist Suggested revision: fewer tourists Why it matters: "Tourist" is countable, so "fewer tourists" is correct.
- 10. Use concise wording Original: costs a lot of money for visitors to enter Suggested revision: charges visitors a high entrance fee Why it matters: This phrase is more precise and concise.
- 11. Use management noun Original: staff of each attraction Suggested revision: management of each attraction Why it matters: Pricing policy is usually decided by management or authorities, not ordinary staff.
- 12. Use academic tone Original: the golden solution Suggested revision: one universal solution Why it matters: The phrase is understandable but informal for an academic essay.
Suggested Rewrites
- object it object to it
- cons and pros pros and cons
- the foreign visitors pay more foreign visitors pay more
- the more service the more services
- listening translation audio guides
- On the other side On the other hand
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses arguments for and against charging foreign visitors more and gives a balanced final view. However, the prompt asks to what extent the writer agrees or disagrees, and the final position is cautious rather than clearly quantified.
State a direct degree of agreement, for example that higher fees are acceptable only when used to improve tourist services and kept reasonable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a logical structure with an introduction, supporting arguments, opposing arguments, and conclusion. Some repetition in the opening and a long example paragraph reduce efficiency.
Remove repeated sentences from the introduction and make each body paragraph end with a sentence that links the point back to fair pricing.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally adequate for tourism, attractions, income, services, and discrimination. Several collocations are awkward, including object it, listening translation, feeling of abusing, and less amount of tourist.
Use natural tourism and fairness collocations such as "object to it", "audio guides", "feeling exploited", "fewer tourists", and "entrance fees".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay is mostly understandable and uses some complex sentences. Errors with articles, prepositions, countable nouns, and word forms occur regularly and keep the response below a stronger band.
Check prepositions after verbs and countable noun forms, especially with tourists, services, attractions, and fees.