Some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea, while others disagree strongly. Consider both sides of this debate and present your own opinion.
Sample Response
There are arguments that students who graduated from high school should have a year break before enrolling in college or university as it will give them several opportunities and advantages. However, other individuals believe that students must have a continuous education. It seems reasonable to argue that a year break between secondary and tertiary education is not a reasonable perspective. Primarily, it is often said that if a student decided to give himself a one year vacation before pursuing the higher education, he or she might b able to gain work experiences. Obviously, the student can use the experiences once he or she applied as a professional employee in a certain institution. This is because most of employers often seek workers who have numerous work experiences and credentials. Linked to this is the fact that every high school graduate student has encountered the pressure of studying difficult subjects such as geometry and physics. Thus, a year break will give the student a chance to indulge in his or her desired activities. Understandably, the schedule in some high schools consumes most of the students’ time, which could have been spent on relaxation or hobbies. Besides, the year gap could be used to travel extensively and that would be an excellent opportunity for them to gather firsthand experience about the different cultures and countries. Students who get practical job experience can learn money management and learn to appreciate the value of money. The experience gathered from job and travel often helps them to excel in their academic studies when they start their academic years in university. However, it cannot be denied that students may find it difficult to adjust to the lessons and topics being discussed at the primary level in college. One major reason of this is that the students could forget the knowledge they have learned during their high school days. As can be expected, in college, some professors appear to start at basic subjects, such as algebra and English, in order to help the students adapt to the level of difficulty. In addition to this, the students could be enticed to abandon their studies because they might think that the salaries in their temporary occupations are enough to supplement their financial needs. For instance, some students in the Philippines are attracted by the higher salaries offered in non-skilled jobs, which make them sacrifice their education. In conclusion, I am convinced that a year break must not be encouraged to every high school graduate student due to the fact that it may ruin the student’s education. It is very likely that all students will procure better jobs which offer a higher salary if they finish their education.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match time reference Original: students who graduated Suggested revision: students who graduate Why it matters: The present tense is needed for a general statement about students.
- 2. Remove overlap Original: several opportunities and advantages Suggested revision: several opportunities Why it matters: 'Opportunities' and 'advantages' overlap here, so one term is sufficient.
- 3. Use natural expression Original: must have a continuous education Suggested revision: should continue their education Why it matters: The replacement expresses uninterrupted study in natural academic English.
- 4. Name the option Original: not a reasonable perspective Suggested revision: not a sensible option Why it matters: A break is an option or course of action, not a perspective.
- 5. Fix conditional tense Original: if a student decided Suggested revision: if a student decides Why it matters: The present tense forms the condition for the possible result expressed by 'might'.
- 6. Remove article Original: the higher education Suggested revision: higher education Why it matters: The general uncountable phrase 'higher education' does not take 'the'.
- 7. Correct typo Original: might b able Suggested revision: might be able Why it matters: The auxiliary construction requires the correctly spelled verb 'be'.
- 8. Use uncountable noun Original: work experiences Suggested revision: work experience Why it matters: 'Experience' is uncountable when referring generally to knowledge gained through work.
- 9. Fix tense and linker Original: once he or she applied Suggested revision: when he or she applies Why it matters: The present tense and 'when' correctly describe using experience during a future application.
- 10. Remove unnecessary of Original: most of employers Suggested revision: most employers Why it matters: 'Most' directly modifies a general plural noun without 'of'.
- 11. Remove redundant noun Original: high school graduate student Suggested revision: high school graduate Why it matters: A graduate is already a person who has completed school, so 'student' is contradictory here.
- 12. Correct collocation Original: experience about the different cultures Suggested revision: experience of different cultures Why it matters: The noun 'experience' takes 'of' when referring to direct exposure to cultures.
Suggested Rewrites
- students who graduated students who graduate
- several opportunities and advantages several opportunities
- must have a continuous education should continue their education
- not a reasonable perspective not a sensible option
- if a student decided if a student decides
- the higher education higher education
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is the breadth of relevant support for both sides, including work, travel, study adjustment, and the risk of abandoning education, while maintaining a clear final position. Its main weakness is presentation: the entire discussion appears as one paragraph, and recurring awkward phrasing and grammatical slips reduce fluency. The priority is to separate the argument into purposeful paragraphs and revise imprecise claims and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response considers both sides, maintains a clear opposing position, and develops several relevant reasons, although some claims are overgeneralised.
Qualify absolute claims about all students and explain more precisely why the disadvantages outweigh the substantial benefits presented.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence of ideas and use of linking expressions are generally clear, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph seriously weakens organisation.
Use separate introduction, viewpoint, counter-viewpoint, and conclusion paragraphs, each with a clear central purpose.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a fairly broad vocabulary for education, work, and travel, but several collocations and word choices are unnatural or imprecise.
Review combinations such as work experience, unskilled jobs, and first-year college material to improve naturalness and accuracy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but errors in tense, articles, prepositions, agreement, and comparative structures recur throughout.
Edit each sentence for consistent tense and article use, then check that subordinate clauses attach clearly to their main clauses.
Use this task for your next draft
Feedback is more useful when you actively apply it in a draft, rather than only recognising improvements on the page.
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.
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