Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?
Sample Response
The internet has become a main source of information in this generation. While some people believe the internet has caused more harm compared to good, others believe that a censorship removes any possible acts of freedom. I believe the government should censor specific contents of some websites, but they should not restrict non-harmful information online.
In one hand, the government has a responsibility to protect us online. False information, Cyber bullying, Online scams can spread rapidly through the help of the internet. By regulating specific materials, authorities can improve safety of individuals and reduce online crime rates. For example, recent cases of fake pop-ups in websites can lead to a false narrative of being hacked. The solution of the virus is to call a scam call company impersonating a certain technology company leading to fraud.
In the other hand, the government having control on censorship may lead to abuse of power. The government can remove or hide certain articles about important information and true statistics about the country. This may lead to citizens not having balanced information about certain topics that might effect their political view. Therefore, the government regulation should only apply to certain websites that causes harm, not opinions.
In conclusion, I believe governments should control the internet to protect society from harmful and illegal content. However, This control should be carefully limited to citizen's freedom isn't hindered. Citizens might lead to other options of riot or complaing if they feel certain information are censored to hide certain information from the public.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Incorrect article with uncountable noun Original: a censorship Suggested revision: censorship Why it matters: The word 'censorship' is uncountable in this context and does not require an indefinite article.
- 2. More natural noun form Original: contents Suggested revision: content Why it matters: Using the singular form 'content' is more natural when referring to digital material on websites.
- 3. Incorrect transitional phrase Original: In one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The standard idiomatic expression to introduce a contrasting point is 'On the one hand'.
- 4. Incorrect capitalization Original: Cyber bullying Suggested revision: cyberbullying Why it matters: The term 'cyberbullying' should not be capitalized in the middle of a sentence and is typically written as a single word.
- 5. Incorrect capitalization Original: Online scams Suggested revision: online scams Why it matters: The word 'online' should not be capitalized here as it is part of a list within a sentence.
- 6. Wordy prepositional phrase Original: through the help of Suggested revision: via Why it matters: Replacing this phrase with a single preposition like 'via' or 'through' improves the flow and conciseness.
- 7. Missing definite article Original: safety of individuals Suggested revision: the safety of individuals Why it matters: The definite article 'the' is required before 'safety' when it is specified by a following prepositional phrase.
- 8. Incorrect preposition Original: in websites Suggested revision: on websites Why it matters: The preposition 'on' is used when referring to digital locations like websites.
- 9. Incorrect transitional phrase Original: In the other hand Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: The correct idiomatic expression to introduce a contrasting paragraph is 'On the other hand'.
- 10. Incorrect preposition Original: having control on Suggested revision: having control over Why it matters: The noun 'control' is followed by the preposition 'over' when indicating authority.
- 11. Confused word form Original: effect Suggested revision: affect Why it matters: The verb 'affect' is needed here instead of the noun 'effect'.
- 12. Subject-verb agreement error Original: causes Suggested revision: cause Why it matters: The plural relative pronoun 'that' refers to 'websites', so the verb must be plural 'cause'.
Suggested Rewrites
- a censorship censorship
- contents content
- In one hand On the one hand
- Cyber bullying cyberbullying
- Online scams online scams
- through the help of via
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay's strongest aspect is its clear and balanced position on the extent of government censorship, which directly addresses the prompt. However, the main limitation lies in frequent grammatical slips, particularly with prepositions, capitalization, and sentence structures. To improve, the candidate should focus on refining grammatical accuracy and mastering common transitional phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response directly addresses the prompt by presenting a clear, nuanced position on the extent of government control and supporting it with relevant arguments.
To reach a higher band, ensure all supporting examples are fully developed and clearly linked back to the main argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized into paragraphs with a clear progression of ideas, though some cohesive devices are used inaccurately.
Practice using standard transitional phrases correctly, such as 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand', instead of 'In one hand'.
Lexical Resource
The candidate uses a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, such as 'censorship', 'abuse of power', and 'false narrative', though some minor spelling and word choice errors occur.
Work on distinguishing commonly confused words, such as 'affect' versus 'effect', and proofread for spelling mistakes like 'complaing'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is used, but frequent errors in capitalization, prepositions, and sentence construction are noticeable.
Focus on basic punctuation rules, particularly avoiding unnecessary capitalization of words mid-sentence and ensuring complete sentence structures.