Some people believe in the traditional idea that the woman’s place is in the home, while others say that idea is outdated and that women should play an increasingly important role in the workplace of the future. What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
Nowadays, the role of females has changed considerablyhas thoroughly become different compared to the past. While they had to take responsibility for home duties far more than males, now their roleroles in the workforce has become more obvious. Some individuals might disagree with this developmentdisagree with it; however, I personally believe that both genders must be equally permittedmust equally be permitted to participate in different careers. On the one hand, the role of women was mostly catering for their children and related duties of home, and some say that this was extremely important for societyimportant to societies. One obvious benefit was that their children were better supervised than they are nowmore under control than now. Mothers had more time to raise their children and had sufficient control over their children’s behaviour, while unfortunately now they are more involved in their job and have fewer opportunities to maintainhave less opportunity to have a close relationship with them. Another advantage was that this could have a positive influence on couples’ relationships, and the rate of successful marriagessuccessful marriage partners was far higher than now. For instance, in the USA, because of this change, the divorce ratethe percentage of divorce increased dramatically, from 10% in the 1970s to just over 25% in the 2000sin 2000s, according to a report in a US family magazine. On the other hand, I personally agree with the method supporting females have the identical fortune to work in different jobs. One important factor behind it is that they are and will be more talented in different fieldsdifferent fields of jobs because they are more successfulprosperous workers or scientists. As a prime example, in space, they have a better tolerance to difficult conditions they face than menthe male ones. Their physiology can help them to adapt better to some unusual conditionsweird weather conditions and they have been as successful as mensuccessful as similar as men in their job. Furthermore, it is based on humans’ rights. Apparently, all humans must be given equal opportunity to live and work, and all national organisations are trying to develop this policy. Females can have better performance in all types of jobs, especially in those linking to emotion. In this way, had not they allowed to work as a psychologist, less depressed patients would have been cured appropriately! In conclusion, while in the past women had less role in working, now they have more crucial roles. From my point of view, it will be against the basics of humans’ rights if they are not given permission to work similar to men, and their aptitude is valuable in some specific types of jobs, far than men.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear position and supports it with a substantial discussion of both traditional domestic roles and women's participation in employment. Its main weakness is the frequent use of inaccurate or unnatural grammar and vocabulary, which sometimes obscures otherwise relevant ideas. The highest priority is to express each argument in simpler, more precise sentences and check collocations, agreement, and comparative forms carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear opinion is maintained and supported by relevant arguments, although several examples and claims are insufficiently substantiated.
Develop fewer claims more convincingly by explaining exactly how each example proves that equal workplace participation is beneficial.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses through contrasting viewpoints and a conclusion, but the long unbroken presentation and mechanical signposting weaken cohesion.
Divide the response into purposeful paragraphs and use clearer referencing to connect supporting details to each central idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision and naturalness.
Prefer familiar, exact expressions such as equal opportunity and perform better, and verify less familiar collocations before using them.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted, but recurring agreement, article, comparison, and clause-formation errors limit control.
Prioritise accurate sentence patterns, especially subject-verb agreement and comparative structures, before adding more complex conditional forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe in the traditional idea that the woman’s place is in the home, while others say that idea is outdated and that women should play an increasingly important role in the workplace of the future. What is your opinion on that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.