Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?
Sample Response
In today's modern world, numerous researches have been conducted around the globe in order to improve the personality and the development of an individual. There is one recent research which has clearly shown that the personality and development of a person are highly likely to depend on the characteristics that they are born with as compared to other experiences in their life. However, I believe experiences of a person will have a greater impact on one's personality and development.
Undoubtedly, if we could utilise the experience we gain from working or travelling abroad, we would be more mature and more open-minded. Whenever we arrive in a new place, we can learn the cultures and traditions from the locals in order to acquire more information about the lifestyles of others and eventually become more knowledgeable. Besides, we may learn how to respect and not to criticise the customs of other races which may be slightly or totally different from ours. By doing so, we can actually get benefited by being able to look at the problems from a various perspective.
We may also become more self-independent than others if we live in a harsh environment when we were young. To illustrate, in China, many children have to sacrifice their studies and come out to work since they were small. They are proved to have the ability to make more mature decisions on their own in a research conducted in China between those who are affluent and those who live in poverty. Moreover, people who face a lot of hardships in their lives will have a detailed plan of what to do next. For instance, they will organise their expenditure well, which in other words, they will not spend money on unnecessary things, especially those luxurious items. Therefore, it is apparent that experiences gained from a various field in their lives have a huge influence on one's personality and development.
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that life experience has major consequences on our personalities and developments than the characteristics that we are born with. We will be able to think from different perspectives and make wise decisions if we use the experiences that we gained in our daily live.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use countable noun Original: numerous researches Suggested revision: numerous studies Why it matters: 'Research' is normally uncountable, whereas individual investigations are 'studies'.
- 2. Name one study Original: one recent research Suggested revision: a recent study Why it matters: A single investigation should be called a 'study' rather than 'a research'.
- 3. Complete comparison Original: as compared to other experiences in their life Suggested revision: rather than on their life experiences Why it matters: The replacement completes the parallel comparison after 'depend on'.
- 4. Use possessive form Original: experiences of a person Suggested revision: a person's experiences Why it matters: The possessive form is more natural and concise here.
- 5. Match multiple sources Original: the experience we gain Suggested revision: the experiences we gain Why it matters: Working and travelling can provide multiple experiences, so the plural is appropriate.
- 6. Use correct pattern Original: learn the cultures and traditions from the locals Suggested revision: learn about local cultures and traditions Why it matters: We 'learn about' a subject rather than 'learn the cultures from' people.
- 7. Keep verbs parallel Original: not to criticise Suggested revision: not criticise Why it matters: After 'learn how to', 'respect' and 'not criticise' should have parallel forms.
- 8. Use precise noun Original: other races Suggested revision: other cultures Why it matters: The sentence discusses customs, so 'cultures' is more precise than 'races'.
- 9. Use active verb Original: get benefited Suggested revision: benefit Why it matters: 'Benefit' is used actively here without 'get'.
- 10. Remove unnecessary article Original: the problems Suggested revision: problems Why it matters: The statement refers to problems generally, so no definite article is needed.
- 11. Fix determiner agreement Original: a various perspective Suggested revision: various perspectives Why it matters: 'Various' modifies a plural noun and cannot follow 'a'.
- 12. Use standard adjective Original: self-independent Suggested revision: independent Why it matters: 'Independent' already expresses self-reliance, so 'self-independent' is nonstandard.
Suggested Rewrites
- numerous researches numerous studies
- one recent research a recent study
- as compared to other experiences in their life rather than on their life experiences
- experiences of a person a person's experiences
- the experience we gain the experiences we gain
- learn the cultures and traditions from the locals learn about local cultures and traditions
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear position and develops two relevant lines of support, using travel and hardship to explain how experience can shape outlook and decision-making. Its ideas progress logically, but some evidence is asserted rather than convincingly analysed, and recurring collocation, word-form, and grammatical errors weaken precision. The highest priority is to make the comparison with innate characteristics more explicit while editing for natural academic phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is consistently supported by two relevant, developed arguments about the influence of experience.
Compare each argument more explicitly with innate characteristics and substantiate broad claims with credible evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, with clear sequencing despite some mechanical transitions and awkward referencing.
Create smoother links between claims and examples instead of relying heavily on stock connective phrases.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often appropriately academic, though recurring collocation and word-form errors limit precision.
Revise unnatural combinations and countability choices, especially research, perspectives, fields, and life experiences.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, tense, and comparison remain noticeable.
Proofread complex sentences for consistent tense and accurate noun, article, and comparative forms.