Nowadays many young people leave home at an early age and live in a city. Why do you think they move to cities? Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages for young people?
Sample Response
A growing number of young people have been leaving their hometowns to relocate to urban areas in recent years. In this essay, I will explain the possible reasons for this trend and also argue that this trend has more advantages than demerits.
One major reason for this trend is the availability of better job opportunities in the cities, with major companies and industries located there. In addition, cities offer better educational and training facilities, which can be essential for young people seeking to acquire the skills needed for successful careers. For example, after completing high school, each year thousands of students move to major cities for higher education.
Moving to a city can have many disadvantages for young people. One of the most significant challenges is the high cost of living in urban areas. The cost of accommodation, food, and transportation can be much higher in cities than in rural areas, making it difficult for young people on a limited budget. Additionally, living in a city can be isolating and overwhelming, with a fast-paced lifestyle and a lack of community cohesion.
However, despite these challenges, the advantages of moving to a city often outweigh the disadvantages. For example, young people living in cities have access to a wide range of educational and cultural activities and entertainment options, including libraries, museums, art galleries, concerts, and theatres. They also have more opportunities to make new friends and social connections. Moreover, living in a city can provide valuable experiences that can help young people to develop important life skills such as independence, resilience, and adaptability.
In conclusion, while there are certainly challenges associated with leaving home to live in a city, it is clear that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages for many young people. Ultimately, many youths decide to move to a big city to pursue academic excellence and secure a better career.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a cleaner verb form Original: have been leaving their hometowns to relocate Suggested revision: are leaving their hometowns and relocating Why it matters: The coordinated present-progressive verbs describe the ongoing trend more cleanly.
- 2. Avoid repeated wording Original: and also argue that this trend has Suggested revision: and argue that it has Why it matters: The pronoun clearly refers to the trend and removes unnecessary repetition.
- 3. Match the task wording Original: demerits Suggested revision: disadvantages Why it matters: Disadvantages is the more natural and consistent term in this context.
- 4. Use a general plural Original: in the cities Suggested revision: in cities Why it matters: The article is unnecessary when referring to cities in general.
- 5. Clarify the modifier Original: with major companies and industries located there Suggested revision: where major companies and industries are located Why it matters: A relative clause makes the link to cities explicit.
- 6. Use concise wording Original: seeking to acquire Suggested revision: seeking to gain Why it matters: Gain expresses the same idea more directly in this sentence.
- 7. Order time phrases clearly Original: after completing high school, each year Suggested revision: each year after completing high school Why it matters: This order connects the annual movement more smoothly to the example.
- 8. Clarify the coordination Original: educational and cultural activities and entertainment options Suggested revision: educational and cultural activities, as well as entertainment options Why it matters: The revised coordination separates the two categories clearly.
- 9. Fix parallel collocations Original: make new friends and social connections Suggested revision: make new friends and build social connections Why it matters: Build is the natural verb with social connections.
- 10. Use a concise infinitive Original: help young people to develop Suggested revision: help young people develop Why it matters: The bare infinitive is more concise after help and is fully standard here.
- 11. Use natural reference Original: many youths Suggested revision: many young people Why it matters: Young people is more natural and consistent with the rest of the essay.
- 12. Improve the collocation Original: secure a better career Suggested revision: improve their career prospects Why it matters: Career prospects more accurately expresses the opportunity they seek.
Suggested Rewrites
- have been leaving their hometowns to relocate are leaving their hometowns and relocating
- and also argue that this trend has and argue that it has
- demerits disadvantages
- in the cities in cities
- with major companies and industries located there where major companies and industries are located
- seeking to acquire seeking to gain
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response answers both questions directly, sustains a clear comparative position, and develops its reasons with relevant explanations and examples. Its main limitation is minor imprecision in a few expressions and some predictable signposting, rather than any significant weakness in coverage or control. The highest-priority improvement is to sharpen the comparison by explaining more explicitly why the cited advantages outweigh the acknowledged financial and social costs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both parts of the task are fully addressed through relevant, well-developed reasons, disadvantages, advantages, and a consistently maintained judgement.
Strengthen the evaluative depth by directly weighing the most important advantage against the principal disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced clearly in focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices supporting smooth progression throughout the argument.
Make transitions slightly less formulaic by linking the comparative logic between paragraphs more explicitly.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary conveys economic, educational, social, and personal-development ideas with only occasional awkwardness.
Refine isolated word choices, such as using disadvantages rather than demerits, to make the register consistently natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with sentences remaining clear and well controlled.
Polish the few densely coordinated sentences to achieve even greater concision and syntactic elegance.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays many young people leave home at an early age and live in a city. Why do you think they move to cities? Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages for young people?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.