The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.
Sample Response
The given graph compares the number of international tourists in 5 different countries from 1995 to 2010.
Generally speaking, the USA had the highest number of international tourists among these countries, and the number of tourists who visited France during this period increased rapidly. So, France as a tourist destination become more popular over time. Initially, in 1995, more than 70 million international tourists travelled the USA while just above 30 million tourists travelled to France. Brazil and Egypt had less than 10 million tourists this year compared to the just above 20 million tourists in Malaysia. Over the period, the total tourists visited these 5 countries increased with some slight fluctuations.
In 2005, tourists to the USA reached 90 million which was the highest among these countries. In this year, international tourists' number in France was about 65 million which was a sharp increase compared to its previous international tourists’ number. In Malaysia, Brazil and Egypt, tourists' number increased but did not exceed 40 million. Finally, in 2010, international tourists' number in the USA and France intersected at about 90 million. Compared to the previous years, France gained the highest ratio of international tourists. This number also increased in Malaysia and reached over 45 million which is almost double compared to the data in 1995. Brazil and Egypt had the least number of international tourists among the given five countries, and in 2010, they both had around 25 million international tourists.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe destinations precisely Original: in 5 different countries Suggested revision: to five different countries Why it matters: Tourist arrivals are recorded to destinations rather than generally within them.
- 2. Use past tense Original: become Suggested revision: became Why it matters: The completed change over the historical period requires the past-tense form.
- 3. Add destination preposition Original: travelled the USA Suggested revision: travelled to the USA Why it matters: The verb needs 'to' when the following noun names a destination.
- 4. Use fewer with countables Original: less Suggested revision: fewer Why it matters: Use 'fewer' with the countable noun 'tourists'.
- 5. Fix quantity phrase Original: the just above 20 million tourists Suggested revision: just over 20 million tourists Why it matters: The article is unnecessary and 'just over' is the natural quantitative expression.
- 6. Fix noun phrase Original: the total tourists visited these 5 countries Suggested revision: the total number of tourists visiting these five countries Why it matters: A grammatical subject requires 'number of tourists' followed by the participle 'visiting'.
- 7. Avoid unsupported trend Original: with some slight fluctuations Suggested revision: throughout the period Why it matters: The combined total rises steadily; only the US series shows a slight late decline.
- 8. Correct 2005 figure Original: reached 90 million Suggested revision: reached approximately 92 million Why it matters: The chart places the US total slightly above 90 million in 2005.
- 9. Use natural noun phrase Original: In Malaysia, Brazil and Egypt, tourists' number Suggested revision: In Malaysia, Brazil and Egypt, the number of tourists Why it matters: English uses 'the number of tourists' rather than the possessive construction.
- 10. Use plural figures Original: international tourists' number in the USA and France Suggested revision: the numbers of international tourists visiting the USA and France Why it matters: Two country totals require a plural head noun and a natural participial complement.
- 11. Anchor the final year Original: Compared to the previous years Suggested revision: By 2010 Why it matters: A direct time marker makes the endpoint comparison clearer and more concise.
- 12. Report joint highest total Original: France gained the highest ratio of international tourists Suggested revision: France recorded the joint-highest number of international tourists Why it matters: France and the USA both stand at about 90 million in 2010, and the graph shows numbers rather than ratios.
Suggested Rewrites
- in 5 different countries to five different countries
- become became
- travelled the USA travelled to the USA
- less fewer
- the just above 20 million tourists just over 20 million tourists
- the total tourists visited these 5 countries the total number of tourists visiting these five countries
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear overview, follows the main trends, and selects useful comparisons across the period. Its main limitation is data accuracy: France's sharpest rise is placed in the wrong interval, its 2005 figure is understated, and the final figures for Brazil and Egypt are overstated. Prioritise checking each stated value and trend against the graph before refining the language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and relevant comparisons cover the principal trends, although several figures and one trend description are inaccurate.
Verify France's change from 2000 to 2005 and report Brazil and Egypt's distinct 2010 values precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from an overview and initial values to later-year comparisons, with generally clear referencing.
Group the detailed figures more systematically by major and minor destinations to reduce repetition and sharpen comparisons.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for describing change, but recurring phrases such as 'tourists' number' and inaccurate choices such as 'ratio' limit precision.
Use natural data-reporting phrases such as 'the number of tourists,' 'rose to,' and 'was level with.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence structures communicates the information clearly, though agreement, article, preposition, and possessive errors recur.
Proofread noun phrases and verb forms, especially constructions such as 'travelled to the USA' and 'France became more popular.'
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.