The graphs below show how people in a European city reached their office and got back home in 1959 and 2009. Journeys to and from work
Sample Response
The pie charts delineate how citizens in a European city commuted to and from their offices in 1959 and 2009. Overall, more than half of the office-goers walked in 1959 while car use in 2009 significantly increased. Besides, people travelled more distance in 2009 at a faster speed. According to the illustration, more than half of the job holders walked to reach their office and get back home in 1959 while only a quarter of them did so in 2009. Bus commuters in this city accounted for 15% in 1959 while it was 2% less after 5 decades. The ratio of office executives (15%) who used trains in both years remained the same. One in ten office commuters drove cars in 1959 but after five decades their percentage increased significantly, 35% to be exact. The use of different other transportations in 2009 increased than that of 50 years earlier. It is worth noticing that the speed and average distance travelled by these commuters considerably increased in 2009 when a commuter travelled 19 kilometres on an average in 42 minutes compared to their average 3.5-kilometre journey in 17 minutes in 1959.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify time comparison Original: car use in 2009 significantly increased Suggested revision: car use increased significantly by 2009 Why it matters: “By 2009” correctly marks the endpoint of the increase from 1959.
- 2. Use comparative adverb Original: travelled more distance Suggested revision: travelled farther Why it matters: Use the comparative adverb “farther” to describe a greater travel distance.
- 3. Use precise collocation Original: at a faster speed Suggested revision: at a higher average speed Why it matters: Speeds are described as higher, and “average” matches the aggregate figures.
- 4. Use percentage points Original: it was 2% less after 5 decades Suggested revision: the figure was two percentage points lower five decades later Why it matters: The share falls from 15% to 13%, a difference of two percentage points.
- 5. Show the endpoint Original: their percentage increased significantly, 35% to be exact Suggested revision: the figure increased significantly to 35% Why it matters: “To” clearly connects the increase with its final value and removes the faulty comma construction.
- 6. Use natural category Original: different other transportations Suggested revision: other forms of transport Why it matters: “Transport” is normally uncountable when referring collectively to travel modes.
- 7. Correct comparison form Original: increased than that of 50 years earlier Suggested revision: was higher than 50 years earlier Why it matters: “Higher than” forms a grammatical comparison between the two shares.
- 8. Correct average phrase Original: 19 kilometres on an average Suggested revision: an average of 19 kilometres Why it matters: The standard construction is “an average of” followed by the measurement.
- 9. Use precise term Original: office-goers Suggested revision: commuters Why it matters: “Commuters” is the more precise formal term for people travelling to and from work.
- 10. Use formal transition Original: Besides Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: This transition connects the second overview feature in a more formal way.
- 11. Name the transport share Original: Bus commuters in this city accounted for 15% Suggested revision: Bus travel accounted for 15% Why it matters: The percentage represents the share of journeys made by bus rather than a count of bus commuters.
- 12. Remove redundant modifier Original: One in ten office commuters Suggested revision: One in ten commuters Why it matters: The context already establishes that these are journeys to and from work.
Suggested Rewrites
- car use in 2009 significantly increased car use increased significantly by 2009
- travelled more distance travelled farther
- at a faster speed at a higher average speed
- it was 2% less after 5 decades the figure was two percentage points lower five decades later
- their percentage increased significantly, 35% to be exact the figure increased significantly to 35%
- different other transportations other forms of transport
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response selects nearly all key information accurately, including the shift from walking to car use and the increases in average distance and journey time. Its main limitation is linguistic precision, with awkward phrases such as "increased than" and some overly specific labels for ordinary commuters. Prioritise natural comparative structures and exact nouns while preserving the strong overview and comprehensive coverage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate coverage of every transport category, distance and duration provide a comprehensive account of the visuals.
State the change in the "other" category precisely, from 5% to 12%, rather than describing it only as an increase.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has clear progression from the overview through modal shares to journey statistics, despite being presented as one long paragraph.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs so the transport proportions and journey metrics are easier to scan.
Lexical Resource
A flexible range of reporting and comparison vocabulary is used, but a few choices such as "office executives" and "transportations" are imprecise.
Prefer exact natural terms such as "commuters," "modes of transport" and "rose from 10% to 35%."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparative sentences are generally well controlled, with only occasional errors that do not impede meaning.
Refine comparative forms, replacing "increased than" with "was higher than" and "on an average" with "on average."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show how people in a European city reached their office and got back home in 1959 and 2009. Journeys to and from work
Your response
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