The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.
Sample Response
The line graphs show a comparison between the numbers of male and female employees in six different work fields in Freedonia. The comparison covers a span of 20 years from 1975 to 1995. Overall, a male superiority in specific professional fields like manufacturing and non-defence public sectors was obvious while professional women progressed remarkably during the period. The manufacturing sector in Freedonia had a male workforce that was almost twice than its female counterpart, 650,000 and 300,000 respectively and those numbers remained the same in 1975 and 1995. Non-defence public sectors had a tight margin of 200,000 employees in favour of male workforce. However, other sectors like communications and wholesale & retail trade witnessed a female domination during the 20-year span; communications showed static male employees as the number of male employees remained the same (300,000) while the female employee in the same field remarkably grew, from almost 250,000 employees in 1975 to about 550,000 in 1995. Moreover, females took over wholesale & retail trade positions with a number that jumped dramatically from 550,000 to 800,000 in comparison to its male counterpart. The remaining two fields, finance/banking and the defence public sectors, witnessed a male supremacy; yet females' number in finance/banking grew rapidly from around 100,000 in 1975 to almost 450,000 in 1995, decreasing the gap significantly between males and females. Besides, a slight increase in female employees was spotted in defence-public sectors in 1995; however, males still had the upper hand in that sector.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use task terminology Original: work fields Suggested revision: employment sectors Why it matters: Employment sectors is the precise term used for the six chart categories.
- 2. Use neutral comparison Original: a male superiority Suggested revision: higher male employment Why it matters: The replacement reports the numerical gender difference objectively rather than describing superiority.
- 3. Name categories accurately Original: professional fields like Suggested revision: sectors such as Why it matters: The chart presents employment sectors, and such as is the formal phrase for examples.
- 4. Describe employment change Original: professional women progressed remarkably Suggested revision: female employment rose markedly Why it matters: The graphs show changes in employee numbers rather than the professional progress of individual women.
- 5. Correct ratio structure Original: almost twice than Suggested revision: almost twice Why it matters: Twice takes a direct comparison and is not followed by than in this structure.
- 6. Punctuate respectively Original: 300,000 respectively and Suggested revision: 300,000, respectively, and Why it matters: Respectively is a parenthetical adverb here and needs commas on both sides.
- 7. Use singular category Original: Non-defence public sectors had Suggested revision: The non-defence public sector had Why it matters: The graph shows one non-defence public-sector category, so the singular form and article are required.
- 8. Use numerical gap term Original: a tight margin Suggested revision: a gap Why it matters: Gap is the direct statistical term for the difference of 200,000 workers.
- 9. Add definite article Original: in favour of male workforce Suggested revision: in favour of the male workforce Why it matters: The specific male workforce in this sector requires the definite article.
- 10. Describe stable total Original: communications showed static male employees Suggested revision: male employment in communications remained stable Why it matters: Employee numbers remain stable; employees themselves are not described as static.
- 11. Refer to total Original: the female employee Suggested revision: the number of female employees Why it matters: The graph gives a total workforce figure rather than information about one employee.
- 12. Correct adverb placement Original: remarkably grew Suggested revision: grew markedly Why it matters: Grew markedly is the natural verb-adverb combination for a substantial numerical increase.
Suggested Rewrites
- work fields employment sectors
- a male superiority higher male employment
- professional fields like sectors such as
- professional women progressed remarkably female employment rose markedly
- almost twice than almost twice
- 300,000 respectively and 300,000, respectively, and
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a detailed and largely accurate account of all six sectors, with a clear overview of persistent male majorities and substantial female gains. Its main limitation is frequently loaded or awkward wording for gender comparisons, together with some imprecise grammar and an undivided paragraph. The priority is to organise sectors by stable versus changing patterns and use neutral expressions such as 'outnumbered' and 'the gap narrowed'.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and detailed comparisons cover all six sectors accurately, including stable figures and the strongest growth among female workers.
Make the most important cross-sector contrast even clearer by identifying wholesale and retail trade as the largest female workforce in 1995.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report groups sectors meaningfully and moves through stable and changing patterns with clear progression, despite remaining one long paragraph.
Separate the overview and divide the details into stable sectors and sectors where female employment rose substantially.
Lexical Resource
The response has a broad range for change and comparison, but terms such as 'male superiority', 'female domination', and 'upper hand' are overly evaluative.
Use neutral statistical language such as 'men outnumbered women', 'women became the larger group', and 'the gender gap narrowed'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparisons are handled with generally clear meaning, although errors recur in comparative forms, agreement, and possessive noun phrases.
Practise structures such as 'almost twice as large as' and use consistent plural forms such as 'the number of female employees'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.