The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.
Sample Response
The line graph compares the number of foreign tourists arrival in five countries between 1995 and 2010. Overall, tourist arrival in these countries increased over time, and the USA and France received the highest number of foreign travellers during this period. As the data suggest, over 70 million international tourists landed in the USA in 1995 which was more than double than that of France. Malaysia, in this year, received around 20 million tourists while fewer than 10 million travellers visited Brazil and Egypt each. Tourists arrival in the USA gradually increased but a sharp rise could be observed in the case of France where over 80 million travellers visited in 2010. Despite the USA being the favourite among the tourists, France, as a destination, became famous with the rapid increase of its tourists' number. Moreover, approximately 50 million people went to Malaysia to spend their holidays in 2010 and this figure is more than doubled in just 15 years. Finally, tourists arrival in Egypt slowly increased and crossed the tourists' arrival in Brazil as more than 20 million people travelled to Egypt in 2010 while this number was about 3 million fewer in Brazil.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix noun phrase Original: foreign tourists arrival Suggested revision: international tourist arrivals Why it matters: Tourist functions attributively and arrivals must be plural for the five-country data.
- 2. Use plural arrivals Original: tourist arrival in these countries Suggested revision: tourist arrivals in all five countries Why it matters: The plural noun agrees with repeated arrivals across the countries and years.
- 3. Use direct reporting Original: As the data suggest Suggested revision: The data show Why it matters: This direct reporting phrase is more concise and appropriately takes a plural verb.
- 4. Use neutral chart verb Original: landed in the USA Suggested revision: visited the USA Why it matters: Visited describes tourist arrivals more naturally than landed.
- 5. Fix comparison form Original: more than double than that of France Suggested revision: more than twice the figure for France Why it matters: Twice the figure for is the correct comparative construction.
- 6. Improve time reference Original: in this year Suggested revision: in that year Why it matters: That year refers back more naturally to 1995.
- 7. Fix plural possessive Original: Tourists arrival in the USA Suggested revision: Tourist arrivals in the USA Why it matters: Tourist should modify the plural noun arrivals without a possessive form.
- 8. Reduce wordiness Original: could be observed in the case of France Suggested revision: occurred in France Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the trend more directly.
- 9. Avoid unsupported preference Original: the favourite among the tourists Suggested revision: the most visited country Why it matters: The graph measures arrival numbers, not tourists' preferences.
- 10. Report measured change Original: became famous Suggested revision: attracted many more visitors Why it matters: The data show rising arrivals but do not measure fame.
- 11. Fix noun construction Original: its tourists' number Suggested revision: its tourist numbers Why it matters: Tourist numbers is the natural noun phrase for the number of visitors.
- 12. Fix tense and voice Original: is more than doubled Suggested revision: more than doubled Why it matters: The change occurred over a completed past period and requires an active past-tense verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- foreign tourists arrival international tourist arrivals
- tourist arrival in these countries tourist arrivals in all five countries
- As the data suggest The data show
- landed in the USA visited the USA
- more than double than that of France more than twice the figure for France
- in this year in that year
Why this response received Band 7.0
The report communicates the principal ranking and broadly describes the growth in arrivals with well-selected figures for the beginning and end of the period. Its main limitation is incomplete trend accuracy: US arrivals dip slightly after 2005, and Egypt remains above Brazil throughout rather than overtaking it. Prioritise tracing each line across all four years and remove unsupported interpretations before refining recurrent noun and comparison forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response identifies the two leading countries and uses relevant endpoint figures, but it misses the late US decline and incorrectly implies that Egypt overtook Brazil.
Track all four data points for each major line and report that the USA peaked in 2005 while Egypt remained slightly ahead of Brazil throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to country comparisons, although the single-paragraph presentation and one unsupported interpretive sentence slightly weaken focus.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs, grouping the two highest series apart from the three lower series.
Lexical Resource
The response shows useful range in describing change and comparison, but several collocations such as 'tourists arrival,' 'landed,' and 'tourists' number' are imprecise.
Use natural statistical phrasing such as 'tourist arrivals,' 'received visitors,' and 'the number of tourists.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied sentence structures generally convey relationships clearly, but recurring noun-form, agreement, and comparison errors reduce accuracy.
Correct recurring forms such as 'tourist arrivals increased,' 'more than double the figure,' and 'the figure more than doubled.'
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