Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The issue of whether popular consumer goods' high sales are a result of advertising influence or genuine societal needs has been a subject of much discussion. In my opinion, I disagree with the statement that advertising is solely responsible for the high sales of consumer goods.
While it is true that advertising plays a significant role in promoting products and increasing sales, it is not the only factor that determines consumer behaviour. In fact, consumers often purchase products based on their needs and preferences, which are shaped by a variety of factors such as culture, lifestyle, and personal values. For instance, in countries with a high population density, small household appliances such as rice cookers and washing machines are in high demand due to their practicality and convenience, regardless of their brand or the amount of advertising they receive. Similarly, health-conscious individuals may prioritize purchasing products that align with their values, such as organic food or eco-friendly cleaning products. In these cases, advertising may play a minimal role in the consumer's decision-making process.
Moreover, the rise of e-commerce and social media platforms has democratized the advertising industry, allowing smaller brands with limited advertising budgets to effectively reach their target audience through influencer marketing and targeted ads. This indicates that while advertising can certainly influence consumer behaviour, it is not the sole determinant of product sales. In fact, people have become so used to advertisements that they pay little attention to them.
In conclusion, while advertising plays a role in promoting consumer goods and increasing sales, it is important to recognize that consumer behaviour is influenced by a variety of factors beyond advertising alone. Therefore, the high sales of popular consumer goods cannot be solely attributed to the power of advertising, but are rather a reflection of a complex interplay of various societal and personal factors.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid awkward possessive Original: popular consumer goods' high sales Suggested revision: high sales of popular consumer goods Why it matters: The of-phrase is clearer and more natural than attaching a possessive to the long noun phrase.
- 2. Clarify noun relationship Original: a result of advertising influence Suggested revision: a result of the influence of advertising Why it matters: The revised noun phrase expresses the relationship between influence and advertising more naturally.
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: has been a subject of much discussion Suggested revision: has been widely debated Why it matters: The shorter verb phrase conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 4. Remove redundant stance Original: In my opinion, I disagree Suggested revision: I disagree Why it matters: "I disagree" already marks the statement as the writer's opinion.
- 5. Tighten determinant phrase Original: the only factor that determines Suggested revision: the only determinant of Why it matters: The noun "determinant" makes the relationship more concise without changing the claim.
- 6. Use general plural Original: the consumer's decision-making process Suggested revision: consumers' decision-making processes Why it matters: The surrounding statement refers to consumers generally, so plural possession is more consistent.
- 7. Clarify accessibility claim Original: has democratized the advertising industry Suggested revision: has made advertising more accessible Why it matters: The revision states the intended change for smaller brands more directly.
- 8. Match plural brands Original: audience Suggested revision: audiences Why it matters: Different brands generally address different audiences, so the plural is clearer.
- 9. Remove unnecessary intensifier Original: can certainly influence Suggested revision: can influence Why it matters: "Certainly" adds emphasis without contributing meaning to this qualified claim.
- 10. Remove redundant qualifier Original: beyond advertising alone Suggested revision: beyond advertising Why it matters: "Beyond" already signals that additional influences exist, making "alone" redundant.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Therefore, the high sales of popular consumer goods cannot be solely attributed to the power of advertising, but are rather a reflection of a complex interplay of various societal and personal factors. Suggested revision: Therefore, the high sales of popular consumer goods cannot be attributed solely to advertising but instead reflect a complex interplay of societal and personal factors. Why it matters: The rewrite gives the coordinated contrast parallel verb structure and removes unnecessary wording.
Suggested Rewrites
- popular consumer goods' high sales high sales of popular consumer goods
- a result of advertising influence a result of the influence of advertising
- has been a subject of much discussion has been widely debated
- In my opinion, I disagree I disagree
- the only factor that determines the only determinant of
- the consumer's decision-making process consumers' decision-making processes
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced disagreement and convincingly explains how practical needs, lifestyles, and personal values can drive purchases independently of advertising. Its main limitation is that the e-commerce paragraph partly demonstrates advertising's reach rather than directly proving other causes of high sales; the highest-priority improvement is to sharpen that paragraph's logical connection to the position and support the habituation claim with a specific example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and well supported by relevant examples, although the second main argument is less directly aligned with the central claim.
Replace or refine the e-commerce point so that it clearly demonstrates a non-advertising driver of strong consumer demand.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is logically sequenced, well paragraphised, and cohesively developed from qualification through evidence to conclusion.
Make the transition into the social-media paragraph signal more precisely how that point extends the preceding argument.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible across consumer behaviour, values, digital marketing, and causation, with only minor awkwardness.
Refine occasional compressed phrasing, such as high sales of popular consumer goods, to maintain consistently natural expression.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with punctuation and agreement controlled almost throughout.
Continue refining possessive constructions and long noun phrases to make already accurate sentences even more natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.