The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Sample Response
It is true that many older people believe in traditional values that often seem incompatible with the needs of younger people. While I agree that some traditional ideas are outdated, I believe that others are still useful and should not be forgotten. On the one hand, many of the ideas that elderly people have about life are becoming less relevant for younger people. In the past, for example, people were advised to learn a profession and find a secure job for life, but today's workers expect much more variety and diversity from their careers. At the same time, the 'rules' around relationships are being eroded as young adults make their own choices about who and when to marry. But perhaps the greatest disparity between the generations can be seen in their attitudes towards gender roles. The traditional roles of men and women, as breadwinners and housewives, are no longer accepted as necessary or appropriate by the most of the younger people. On the other hand, some traditional views and values are certainly applicable to the modern world. For example, older generations attach great importance to working hard, doing one's best, and taking pride in one's work, and these behaviours can surely benefit young people as they enter today's competitive job market. Other characteristics that are perhaps seen as traditional are politeness and good manners. In our globalised world, young adults can expect to come into contact with people from a huge variety of backgrounds, and it is more important than ever to treat others with respect. Finally, I believe that young people would lead happier lives if they had a more 'old-fashioned' sense of community and neighbourliness. In conclusion, although the views of older people may sometimes seem unhelpful in today's world, we should not dismiss all traditional ideas as irrelevant.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use neutral wording Original: elderly Suggested revision: older Why it matters: "Older people" is a more neutral and natural label in this context.
- 2. Correct preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The adjective "relevant" takes the preposition "to".
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: find a secure job for life Suggested revision: find secure lifelong employment Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more concisely and formally.
- 4. Remove semantic repetition Original: much more variety and diversity Suggested revision: far more variety Why it matters: "Variety" and "diversity" overlap in meaning, so one term is sufficient.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: 'rules' around relationships Suggested revision: social conventions governing relationships Why it matters: The revision replaces vague quoted wording with a more precise formal expression.
- 6. Remove incorrect article Original: by the most of the younger people Suggested revision: by most younger people Why it matters: "Most" is used directly before this general plural noun phrase without "the".
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: applicable to the modern world Suggested revision: relevant in the modern world Why it matters: "Relevant in" more naturally describes the continuing usefulness of these values.
- 8. Clarify the reference Original: these behaviours can surely benefit Suggested revision: these values can certainly benefit Why it matters: "Values" refers more precisely to the principles of hard work and pride just listed.
- 9. Tighten the clause Original: Other characteristics that are perhaps seen as traditional are Suggested revision: Other traditionally valued characteristics include Why it matters: The revision removes hedging and presents the examples more concisely.
- 10. Use formal quantity phrase Original: a huge variety of backgrounds Suggested revision: a wide range of backgrounds Why it matters: "A wide range" is more formal and concise than "a huge variety".
Suggested Rewrites
- elderly older
- for to
- find a secure job for life find secure lifelong employment
- much more variety and diversity far more variety
- 'rules' around relationships social conventions governing relationships
- by the most of the younger people by most younger people
Why this response received Band 8.5
The essay offers a nuanced, consistent position that outdated expectations about lifelong careers, marriage, and gender roles should be rejected while hard work, courtesy, respect, and community remain valuable. Its strongest feature is the breadth of specific, well-explained contrasts between tradition and modern needs. The principal limitation is presentation: all ideas are compressed into one paragraph, so the highest-priority improvement is to separate outdated and enduring values into distinct body sections.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The extent of agreement is clear and fully developed through multiple relevant examples of both obsolete and enduring traditional values.
Refine the evaluation by explaining one practical way younger people can adapt a traditional value without adopting its outdated form.
Coherence and Cohesion
The internal progression from outdated ideas to useful values and a balanced conclusion is logical, but the single-block format obscures the strong conceptual structure.
Use an introduction, one paragraph on outdated career, relationship, and gender expectations, one on enduring values, and a conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and precise across compatibility, disparity, gender roles, competitive work, globalisation, respect, community, and neighbourliness.
Maintain this range while avoiding slight redundancy in variety and diversity and choosing either one where both convey the same idea.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is controlled with high accuracy, apart from a rare article error and minor local phrasing.
Correct by the most of the younger people to by most younger people and preserve the otherwise strong sentence control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.