Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should therefore be stopped. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
The practice of employing foreign workers to fill positions that local workers are reluctant to undertake has ignited debates about its impact on local communities. While some argue that such hiring practices should be halted to mitigate potential problems, I tend to oppose and hold the view that it can provide economic benefits and enhance workforce diversity.
Firstly, bringing in foreign workers can address labour shortages in industries where domestic workers are unwilling to take on certain roles. For instance, sectors such as agriculture, construction, and healthcare often experience difficulty in recruiting local employees for physically demanding or less glamorous positions. In such cases, foreign workers can alleviate staffing challenges and contribute to the overall productivity of the industry.
Furthermore, foreign workers often bring diverse skill sets and perspectives that enrich the local workforce and stimulate economic growth. They may introduce innovative approaches and ideas, contributing to increased competitiveness and productivity. In multicultural societies, the presence of foreign workers can foster intercultural understanding and pave the way for a more inclusive society. Besides, while there are concerns that hiring foreign workers might lead to social tensions or unemployment among locals, these issues can be addressed through effective labour market regulations and policies. By promoting transparency and accountability, potential negative consequences can be mitigated.
In conclusion, the practice of hiring foreign workers to fill positions that local workers are unwilling to take on should not be stopped outright. Instead, it can be managed through thoughtful policies that ensure the well-being of both foreign and local workers. Such practices can contribute to economic growth, workforce diversity, and societal inclusivity, provided that proper regulations and safeguards are in place.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: has ignited debates Suggested revision: has sparked debate Why it matters: "Sparked debate" is the more natural academic collocation for a disputed practice.
- 2. Complete the opposition Original: I tend to oppose and hold the view that Suggested revision: I oppose this view because Why it matters: The verb "oppose" needs a clear object, which this replacement supplies.
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: experience difficulty in recruiting Suggested revision: have difficulty recruiting Why it matters: The replacement is a more natural and concise way to describe the recruitment problem.
- 4. Match the plural sectors Original: overall productivity of the industry Suggested revision: productivity in these industries Why it matters: The revised phrase refers clearly to the several industries listed in the previous sentence.
- 5. Clarify the result link Original: contributing to increased competitiveness and productivity Suggested revision: thereby increasing competitiveness and productivity Why it matters: "Thereby" makes the cause-and-result relationship with the preceding clause explicit.
- 6. Avoid repeated wording Original: pave the way for a more inclusive society Suggested revision: promote greater social inclusion Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating "society" while preserving the stated benefit.
- 7. Use one connector Original: Besides, while Suggested revision: Although Why it matters: A single concessive connector expresses the relationship cleanly and avoids competing links.
- 8. Remove semantic overlap Original: labour market regulations and policies Suggested revision: labour-market policies Why it matters: In this context, "regulations and policies" overlaps, so one precise umbrella term is sufficient.
- 9. Clarify the reference Original: Instead, it can be managed Suggested revision: Instead, this employment practice can be managed Why it matters: Naming the practice removes the potentially vague reference of "it".
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: societal inclusivity Suggested revision: social inclusion Why it matters: "Social inclusion" is the more established and natural expression in this context.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: By promoting transparency and accountability, potential negative consequences can be mitigated. Suggested revision: Effective labour-market rules can promote transparency and accountability while mitigating potential negative consequences. Why it matters: The original opening modifier incorrectly makes "potential negative consequences" the agent that promotes transparency and accountability.
Suggested Rewrites
- has ignited debates has sparked debate
- I tend to oppose and hold the view that I oppose this view because
- experience difficulty in recruiting have difficulty recruiting
- overall productivity of the industry productivity in these industries
- contributing to increased competitiveness and productivity thereby increasing competitiveness and productivity
- pave the way for a more inclusive society promote greater social inclusion
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest aspect is its clear, consistent position, supported by a coherent explanation of how foreign workers can relieve shortages and contribute broader skills. Its main limitation is that the possible local-community problems are acknowledged only briefly and the proposed safeguards remain abstract. The highest-priority improvement is to examine one concrete social or employment concern in depth and show exactly how a specific regulation would mitigate it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response maintains a clear disagreement and develops several relevant benefits, while addressing the opposing concern more briefly.
Analyse a specific local-community problem and demonstrate how a named labour policy would resolve or limit it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from labour shortages to wider economic and social benefits, with clear paragraph focus overall.
Separate the counterargument and policy response more distinctly from the benefits discussion to sharpen the argumentative progression.
Lexical Resource
A broad, precise lexical range conveys economic, labour, and social ideas naturally and with strong flexibility.
Avoid mildly redundant phrasing such as “I tend to oppose and hold the view” by choosing one direct formulation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex clauses and varied sentence forms are handled accurately throughout, with errors rare and unobtrusive.
Continue refining clause balance in longer sentences so that concessions and main claims remain maximally direct.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should therefore be stopped. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.