Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?
Same question Compare all 3 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
It is often claimed that primary education has become excessively concerned with formal subjects. I largely agree that this tendency can be harmful when it reduces opportunities for play, although structured learning clearly remains essential. In my view, play should be treated as a central method of education rather than as a reward offered after lessons.
There are understandable reasons why schools give considerable time to formal learning. Children need a secure foundation in literacy, numeracy and basic scientific ideas, since these skills affect their later progress in every subject. A classroom that consisted entirely of unplanned activities would therefore risk leaving some children without important knowledge and routines.
Nevertheless, an excessive emphasis on these methods overlooks how young children develop. Play enables them to practise communication, negotiation and self-control in situations that are meaningful to them. For example, when pupils build a model town together, they must share materials, explain their ideas and solve disagreements. Such an activity can also introduce vocabulary, measurement and problem-solving more naturally than a long explanation from the teacher. In addition, active games give children a break from sitting still and can make them more able to concentrate afterwards.
The most effective approach is to connect learning with purposeful play. Teachers can organise role-play shops to develop arithmetic, story-based games to encourage reading, or outdoor investigations to support science. These activities still need clear aims and adult guidance; otherwise, play may become merely entertainment. However, they allow children to gain academic skills while also developing curiosity, confidence and social abilities.
In conclusion, primary schools should not abandon formal teaching, but many do place too much weight on it. Play is highly important in the primary classroom because it supports both learning and wider personal development, especially when it is carefully planned alongside direct instruction.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve collocation Original: excessively concerned with formal subjects Suggested revision: excessively focused on formal subjects Why it matters: Focused on describes an educational emphasis more naturally than concerned with.
- 2. Clarify reference Original: this tendency can be harmful Suggested revision: this emphasis can be harmful Why it matters: Emphasis refers more precisely to the preceding focus on formal subjects.
- 3. Streamline expression Original: a central method of education Suggested revision: a central educational method Why it matters: The adjective educational makes the phrase more concise without changing its meaning.
- 4. Remove extra wording Original: a reward offered after lessons Suggested revision: a reward after lessons Why it matters: Offered is unnecessary because reward already conveys something that is given.
- 5. Use stronger collocation Original: give considerable time to formal learning Suggested revision: devote considerable time to formal learning Why it matters: Devote time to is the more natural academic collocation.
- 6. Use precise term Original: basic scientific ideas Suggested revision: basic scientific concepts Why it matters: Scientific concepts is more precise in an educational context.
- 7. Specify the routines Original: important knowledge and routines Suggested revision: essential knowledge and learning routines Why it matters: Learning routines makes the type of routines explicit.
- 8. Condense wording Original: in situations that are meaningful to them Suggested revision: in meaningful contexts Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same idea more efficiently.
- 9. Clarify comparison Original: more naturally than a long explanation from the teacher Suggested revision: more naturally than through a long teacher explanation Why it matters: Adding through makes the comparison between two methods grammatically clearer.
- 10. Use concise phrasing Original: make them more able to concentrate afterwards Suggested revision: help them concentrate afterwards Why it matters: Help them concentrate is a more natural and concise expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- excessively concerned with formal subjects excessively focused on formal subjects
- this tendency can be harmful this emphasis can be harmful
- a central method of education a central educational method
- a reward offered after lessons a reward after lessons
- give considerable time to formal learning devote considerable time to formal learning
- basic scientific ideas basic scientific concepts
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its nuanced position and well-integrated proposal that purposeful play can deliver formal learning while supporting wider development. Its main limitation is that some benefits, particularly improved concentration, are asserted rather than fully demonstrated; the highest-priority improvement is to deepen one such causal explanation with a more concrete outcome or comparison.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response fully addresses both questions, sustains a nuanced position, and supports its ideas with relevant, well-developed examples.
Push the analysis further by explaining in more depth how one proposed activity produces a measurable learning benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly from the value of formal learning to the benefits of play and then to a balanced practical approach.
Strengthen cohesion at the highest level by making the transition into the practical solution paragraph slightly more explicitly consequential.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural, with strong control of topic-specific language and collocation throughout.
Aim for still greater precision by occasionally replacing general outcome words such as progress and abilities with more specific educational outcomes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence forms is handled accurately and flexibly, with virtually no noticeable grammatical errors.
Preserve this level of control while experimenting with a slightly wider variety of emphatic and concessive structures.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.