Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
These days, with a hoard of consumer products available in the market, some people have difficulty deciding which products they really need and what they just want to have. Cut-throat competition among brands to win consumers has become widespread, and advertisements play a key role in today’s marketing. However, only advertisement is not what forces people to buy things, their real needs are still a powerful factor.
Brands apply various marketing techniques to sell their products to consumers, and advertisement is one of them. Tempting adverts on billboards, TV, radio or the web are constantly pushing us to buy things that they claim are the best. This has an impact on consumers' purchasing decisions, but a great proportion of customers are still driven by their needs rather than the adverts they see. Rampant recessions and soaring living costs have also forced people to cut necessary items from their shopping list, let alone have the luxury of buying whatever they wish.
Moreover, an intensive growth of sales of popular consumer items has resulted from people's modern lifestyle where they need far more things than their ancestors. The role of advertisement, in this case, is confined to helping people choose the products and not persuading them to buy unnecessary goods. For instance, electronic gadgets and household appliances that people use today were not widespread in the past. They came into our life as a natural requirement from our modern lifestyle and were not just pushed by luring advertisements from different brands.
In conclusion, advertisements are a powerful tool for brands and they can affect many purchasers' decisions, but they can not shape what people, as a whole, buy. Modern lifestyle and our real needs are more powerful in this regard.
(Writen by Hesam Hajheidari )
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use quantity phrase Original: a hoard of consumer products Suggested revision: a wide range of consumer products Why it matters: Hoard refers to a stored collection, whereas wide range describes market variety.
- 2. Use market preposition Original: in Suggested revision: on Why it matters: On the market is the standard expression for products available for sale.
- 3. Use concise contrast Original: what they just want to have Suggested revision: what they merely want Why it matters: Merely want contrasts unnecessary desires with genuine needs more concisely.
- 4. Clarify commercial aim Original: brands to win consumers Suggested revision: brands seeking customers Why it matters: Seeking customers is a more natural description of competition for buyers.
- 5. Use uncountable advertising Original: advertisement Suggested revision: advertising Why it matters: Advertising names the marketing activity, while advertisement refers to one advert.
- 6. Use quantity collocation Original: great Suggested revision: large Why it matters: Large proportion is the standard quantitative collocation.
- 7. Use economic collocation Original: Rampant Suggested revision: Economic Why it matters: Rampant is not a natural modifier for recessions in this context.
- 8. Correct growth phrase Original: an intensive growth of sales Suggested revision: a sharp growth in sales Why it matters: Growth takes in before the quantity that increases, and sharp describes the rise naturally.
- 9. Fix number and connector Original: people's modern lifestyle where Suggested revision: people's modern lifestyles, in which Why it matters: The plural noun matches people, and in which correctly introduces the context.
- 10. Complete the comparison Original: far more things than their ancestors Suggested revision: far more things than their ancestors did Why it matters: Did completes the comparison between what modern people and their ancestors needed.
- 11. Use plural lives Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural pronoun our requires the plural noun lives in this general statement.
- 12. Use neutral register Original: Cut-throat competition Suggested revision: Fierce competition Why it matters: Fierce is a more neutral academic modifier for commercial competition.
Suggested Rewrites
- a hoard of consumer products a wide range of consumer products
- in on
- what they just want to have what they merely want
- brands to win consumers brands seeking customers
- advertisement advertising
- great large
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response's strongest feature is a clear, qualified disagreement developed through two relevant lines of reasoning: financial necessity and the demands of modern lifestyles. The argument is logically organised and generally expressed with effective range, though a few claims are broad and some collocations and sentence joins are imprecise. The highest priority is to substantiate how real needs outweigh advertising with a more specific example and tighter causal explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position, addresses advertising's influence, and develops relevant reasons why genuine needs remain more decisive.
Strengthen the position with a concrete example showing consumers rejecting heavily advertised nonessential goods because of financial priorities.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced across focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader without obscuring progression.
Make the link between rising living costs and restrained purchasing more explicit so the first body paragraph reaches a sharper conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and flexible for advertising, consumption, and economic pressures, with only occasional unnatural combinations.
Refine collocations such as intensive growth and luring advertisements to rapid growth and persuasive advertisements.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally strong control, although a few comma splices and agreement or form errors remain.
Separate independent clauses correctly and proofread singular and plural references to advertising and consumer goods.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.