Children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks. Why are children doing this and how serious are the consequences?
Sample Response
Nowadays, children are opting more and more junk foods over homemade foods. Although, such food has less nutritional value when compared to the homemade items, but still, the trend of eating fast food is catching fast among the younger generation. There are numerous reasons that are driving children towards unhealthy options.
To begin with, parents these days have long working hours and have less time to prepare food at home. Furthermore, more fast food shops are being opened every day at every corner of the street and these shops are easily approachable and reasonably priced. Thus children these days are trying these options and the fast food consumption is increasing fast. Moreover, eating at restaurants has also become a part of the status symbol among youngsters and as a result, young kids are spending a significant share of their pocket money at these places.
Such an overconsumption of fast food can impact the health of the children. As the fast food is generally fried to taste good, thus having more of fried food can increase cholesterol which in turn puts a bad effect on the functioning of the heart. When a food is fried, it loses its nutritional value, which leads to fatigue. Having junk food often can make children obese which is the main reason behind many health problems.
To sum up, even though fast food is easily available and not overpriced, it has less nutritional content. Consuming junk food can make children obese and increase health issues. Therefore, it is advisable to eat to homemade nutritious food item than fast food for a fit and healthy life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Express scarcity clearly Original: less Suggested revision: little Why it matters: 'Little time' directly expresses that the available time is insufficient.
- 2. Fix location phrase Original: at every corner of the street Suggested revision: on every street corner Why it matters: This is the natural preposition and word order for describing shop locations.
- 3. Use correct collocation Original: approachable Suggested revision: accessible Why it matters: Shops and services are described as accessible rather than approachable.
- 4. Add linking comma Original: Thus children Suggested revision: Thus, children Why it matters: A comma should follow this introductory linking adverb.
- 5. Use specific reference Original: options Suggested revision: foods Why it matters: The specific noun makes the reference to fast food clear.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: the fast food consumption Suggested revision: fast-food consumption Why it matters: The uncountable general noun phrase does not take 'the' here.
- 7. Use formal adverb Original: fast Suggested revision: rapidly Why it matters: 'Rapidly' is the more formal adverb for describing the trend.
- 8. Fix noun phrase Original: a part of the status symbol Suggested revision: a status symbol Why it matters: The intended meaning requires the direct complement 'a status symbol'.
- 9. Remove incorrect article Original: Such an overconsumption Suggested revision: Such overconsumption Why it matters: The uncountable noun 'overconsumption' does not take 'an'.
- 10. Use possessive form Original: the health of the children Suggested revision: children's health Why it matters: The possessive form is more concise and natural here.
- 11. Remove extra article Original: As the fast food Suggested revision: As fast food Why it matters: Fast food is used as an uncountable general noun, so 'the' is unnecessary.
- 12. Repair clause structure Original: thus having more of fried food Suggested revision: eating too much fried food Why it matters: Removing the redundant connector and using a clear subject phrase completes the cause-and-effect structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- less little
- at every corner of the street on every street corner
- approachable accessible
- Thus children Thus, children
- options foods
- the fast food consumption fast-food consumption
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly organizes relevant causes and health consequences, and its central message remains easy to follow throughout. Its main limitation is that it does not directly evaluate how serious the consequences are, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical constructions reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to state and justify the degree of seriousness, using one carefully developed consequence in more accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and consequences are addressed with relevant ideas, but the seriousness of the consequences is not explicitly evaluated or fully developed.
State how serious the problem is and substantiate that judgement through a more detailed causal explanation or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear paragraph structure and understandable progression, though linking devices are sometimes mechanical or unnecessarily stacked.
Make the logical relationships within paragraphs clearer while reducing formulaic connectors such as furthermore, thus, and moreover.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers the topic adequately, but frequent collocational and word-form problems make the expression noticeably awkward.
Prioritize accurate common collocations, such as choose junk food over home-cooked meals and have an adverse effect.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring article, comparison, preposition, and clause-linking errors reduce control.
Proofread complex sentences for complete clause structure and remove double linkers such as although combined with but.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks. Why are children doing this and how serious are the consequences?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.