Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.
Sample Response
In today’s world, childhood obesityIn today’s world childhood obesity is one of the most pressing problems. There are many reasons for this issue and many effects have been associated with it. However, I believe that several steps could be followed to improve this situation.
There are two main factors that contributefactors that are contributed to childhoodchildren obesity. One is unhealthybad eating habits: eating junk foods like McDonald’sMacDonald’s and drinking sugary soft drinks. Another possible factor could be that children nowadays tend to have a sedentary lifestyle: they playsedentary lifestyle, they play computer games, chat on the internet rather than playing sportsdoing sport or playing outside.
As a consequence of these factorsAs a consequence, of these factors, children these days are becoming obese. They are overweight, unhealthy and unfit to play or to do any physical exercise. Another devastating effect is the higher riskAnother devastating effect is that, the higher risk of heart diseasediseases, diabetes and cancer. These diseases put a strain on hospitals and they are going to be a heavy burden in the future.
To address this problemOn the other hand, I think there are several measures can be takenseveral measurements can be done by parents, governments and schools. Firstly, parents should give children healthy foodFirstly, giving children healthy food, control what childrenthey eat and ensure that they have a healthy diet. For example, the diet that includes more vegetables and less fat contentcontents. Secondly, governments can limit junk food advertisements or prohibit advertisements that are directedprohibit those which are directed to children. Finally, parents should restrictFinally, restrict the time they spend on computer and video games, and encourage them to do regular exercise.
In conclusion, it is true that obesity among children with its negative impacts is growingnegative impacts, is growing at an alarming rate but it seems to me that there are many solutions to tackle this problem.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses the causes, effects, and possible solutions to childhood obesity in a clear, logically separated structure, using a useful range of relevant ideas and vocabulary. Development is sometimes brief, and recurring fragments, inaccurate transitions, word-form mistakes, and grammatical errors weaken control; the priority is to explain each cause-and-solution link more specifically while ensuring every sentence and list item is complete and grammatically parallel.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers all three parts of the task: causes, effects, and solutions. The ideas are relevant and organised, though some points are briefly developed and would benefit from more specific explanation or examples.
For each cause, add one sentence explaining how it leads to obesity, and for each solution, specify who should take the action.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is clear, with separate paragraphs for causes, effects, solutions, and conclusion. Cohesion is generally effective, but several sentences are fragments and some transitions, especially On the other hand, are not logical.
Use transitions that match the function of the paragraph, such as To address this problem for solutions.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant and fairly varied, including sedentary lifestyle, devastating effect, heart diseases, advertisements, and regular exercise. There are some word-choice and word-form errors such as measurements, fat contents, and doing sport.
Replace inaccurate word forms with natural collocations: measures, fat content, playing sports, and childhood obesity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentences, but grammar errors with clauses, articles, plurals, and fragments are frequent. Meaning is clear overall.
Check that every list item has the same grammatical form, especially in solution sentences beginning with Firstly and Finally.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.