Children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks. Why are children doing this and how serious are the consequences?
Sample Response
Nowadays, junk food has emerged as the most preferred choice among children and teenagers, when we discuss the various eating options. There are a number of reasons that fast food is very popular among them, but this has led to very negative impacts on the health of the young ones.
One of the core reasons, which have immensely affected the fragile minds of the young ones, is advertisements. The visuals and presentation of junk food in advertisements are very attractive and appealing, as children tend to opt for junk food over homemade food. Also, the fast food chains are easily approachable these days as compared to earlier times. Another important reason is the lack of parental control of children, due to their busy office schedules these days. Parents often pamper their children by increasing their pocket money and full filling all their needs, which as a result make children to follow their own liking.
The habit of consuming more and more junk food can be very dangerous for the health of the young ones, as the nutritional value of such food is very low in comparison to homemade food. The use of chemical preservatives in junk food may cause serious health problems. In a survey, it has been found that children consuming more junk food are prone to obesity and have weak immune system, which is a serious issue.
In conclusion, junk food has become a convenient option for the young generation due to its abundance and fancy advertisement, but it has severe consequences on the health of the young ones. So parents should take appropriate steps to make sure that their children opt for healthy options for prolong and healthy life ahead.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use reason why Original: that Suggested revision: why Why it matters: Why correctly introduces the explanation following reasons.
- 2. Use precise collocation Original: very negative impacts Suggested revision: serious negative effects Why it matters: Serious negative effects is more precise and natural in this health context.
- 3. Remove repetition Original: are very attractive and appealing Suggested revision: are highly appealing Why it matters: Attractive and appealing repeat the same meaning unnecessarily.
- 4. Show result clearly Original: as Suggested revision: so Why it matters: So expresses the stated result of the advertisements rather than an unclear causal relationship.
- 5. Use concise verb Original: opt for junk food Suggested revision: choose junk food Why it matters: Choose is more direct and natural in this context.
- 6. Name the outlets Original: fast food chains Suggested revision: fast-food outlets Why it matters: Outlets refers more precisely to the physical places that children can access.
- 7. Use correct adjective Original: approachable Suggested revision: accessible Why it matters: Accessible describes places that are easy to reach, whereas approachable usually describes people.
- 8. Use comparative structure Original: as compared to earlier times Suggested revision: than in the past Why it matters: Than correctly completes the comparative structure introduced by more accessible.
- 9. Use natural phrase Original: lack of parental control of children Suggested revision: lack of parental supervision Why it matters: Parental supervision expresses the intended idea more naturally and concisely.
- 10. Use broader term Original: office Suggested revision: work Why it matters: Work schedules is the natural phrase and does not unnecessarily limit the parents to office jobs.
- 11. Use formal quantity phrase Original: more and more junk food Suggested revision: increasing amounts of junk food Why it matters: Increasing amounts is a more precise formal expression for an uncountable noun.
- 12. Use correct collocation Original: dangerous for the health Suggested revision: harmful to the health Why it matters: Harmful to is the natural collocation for a negative health effect.
Suggested Rewrites
- that why
- very negative impacts serious negative effects
- are very attractive and appealing are highly appealing
- as so
- opt for junk food choose junk food
- fast food chains fast-food outlets
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response answers both questions clearly, with relevant causes and a coherent account of serious health consequences. Its strongest feature is the straightforward progression from advertising, availability, and parental influence to nutritional harm, while development remains somewhat general and language errors are noticeable. Improve by explaining the causal links more fully and using more natural, grammatically controlled phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and the seriousness of the consequences are addressed clearly with relevant supporting ideas.
Develop how each identified cause changes children's choices and substantiate the severity of the consequences more specifically.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into causes and consequences, with clear paragraphing and generally effective progression.
Strengthen links between individual claims and avoid repetitive references such as the young ones.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but several collocations and word forms are awkward or inaccurate.
Use more natural combinations for accessibility, parental supervision, advertising, and long-term health.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but agreement, article, clause-linking, and verb-pattern errors occur regularly.
Focus on subject-verb agreement and accurate verb patterns, especially after make and in relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks. Why are children doing this and how serious are the consequences?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.