Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve, while others think that the government cannot solve these environmental problems unless individuals make some action. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The environment has become a major concern over the last couple of decades, resulting in several debates on who should be responsible for ensuring its sustenance for our future generations. In this essay, we will discuss the point of views for establishing where the responsibility for the protection of the environment lies. There is a strong argument that individually we cannot contribute materially to the cause of preserving our environment because it encompasses several areas where individual efforts become futile. Some examples are factories that are emitting hazardous gases in our air or dumping dangerous materials in our rivers. If we want to take this up as an individual we cannot be expected to be able to prevent this from happening. One could argue that if each shareholder puts pressure on the companies that they own this could lead to building up of pressure for being more responsible, this, unfortunately, is not workable because usually the companies are mostly owned by funds that are managed by professionals, seeking profit and environment is very low on their priority list. The above leads us to deduct that if this movement of preserving our environment is a collaborative effort by the government and general public we stand a better chance of being successful. The government should provide the legal infrastructure to control the natural instinct of profiteering of all investment institutions; with this, the individual efforts could start making the difference. Continuing the above example if an individual member of the society notices that same happening in his or her surroundings, he or she can call on an implementation agency that would tackle the factory emitting hazardous gases and dumping dangerous materials. Examples of these implementation agencies include Environment control desk in the city office, environmental inspectors who randomly visit such factories and are empowered under the law to impose a fine or completely seal the production facility found in violation of the rules. The responsibility surely seems to be tilting towards the actions of individuals supported through government agencies and legislative framework, thus, in my opinion, the combined efforts of the government and public would be more effective. This should not, however, be interpreted as being absolved from keeping our environment clean and we can through cans and other non-degradable materials on the beach.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct plural phrase Original: point of views Suggested revision: points of view Why it matters: The fixed plural expression is 'points of view'.
- 2. Use purpose infinitive Original: for establishing where Suggested revision: to establish where Why it matters: An infinitive correctly expresses the purpose of the discussion.
- 3. Clarify contribution Original: individually we cannot contribute materially Suggested revision: we cannot individually make a meaningful contribution Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the intended limitation more naturally and precisely.
- 4. Use concise modifier Original: factories that are emitting Suggested revision: factories emitting Why it matters: A participle phrase expresses the same ongoing action more concisely.
- 5. Correct direction preposition Original: in our air Suggested revision: into the air Why it matters: Emissions move into the air, so the directional preposition is required.
- 6. Correct dumping preposition Original: in Suggested revision: into Why it matters: Materials are dumped into a place rather than in it in this construction.
- 7. Use correct verb Original: deduct Suggested revision: conclude Why it matters: 'Conclude' means reach a judgment, while 'deduct' means subtract.
- 8. Use natural expression Original: this movement of preserving Suggested revision: the effort to preserve Why it matters: This phrase states the intended collective activity more naturally.
- 9. Add required article Original: government and general public Suggested revision: government and the general public Why it matters: The established noun phrase is 'the general public'.
- 10. Clarify profit motive Original: the natural instinct of profiteering of all investment institutions Suggested revision: the profit-seeking instincts of investment institutions Why it matters: The revision removes awkward noun stacking and makes the intended motive clear.
- 11. Correct fixed phrase Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The idiomatic expression takes the indefinite article when no specific difference is identified.
- 12. Mark opening phrase Original: Continuing the above example if Suggested revision: Continuing the example, if Why it matters: The introductory participle phrase needs a comma before the main clause begins.
Suggested Rewrites
- point of views points of view
- for establishing where to establish where
- individually we cannot contribute materially we cannot individually make a meaningful contribution
- factories that are emitting factories emitting
- in our air into the air
- in into
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response offers a thoughtful, relevant argument that connects individual action with government regulation, using industrial pollution as a sustained and convincing example. Its main limitation is uneven control: the two views are not sharply separated, the single-block structure strains progression, and several awkward or inaccurate expressions culminate in a confusing final sentence. Use distinct paragraphs for each view and proofread the conclusion for exact meaning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both perspectives are addressed through a relevant industrial-pollution example, and the opinion favouring combined action is clear and developed.
Differentiate the second view more explicitly and end with an unambiguous statement of what individuals must do alongside government action.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through one extended example and uses cohesive references effectively, but the lack of paragraphing and some long sentences reduce clarity.
Separate the first view, the collaborative alternative, and the opinion into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of environmental, legal, and economic vocabulary conveys complex ideas, although some word choices and collocations are imprecise.
Replace awkward choices such as deduct and implementation agency with precise natural alternatives, and check easily confused words such as through and throw.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are used with reasonable control, but punctuation, articles, clause boundaries, and the final sentence contain noticeable errors.
Break overloaded sentences into controlled units and proofread each clause for articles, agreement, and the intended positive or negative meaning.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve, while others think that the government cannot solve these environmental problems unless individuals make some action. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.