Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Public health improvement is a critical goal for societies worldwide. While some advocate that increasing sports facilities is the optimal way to boost public health, others argue this measure alone would have a minimal impact, insisting that alternative methods are necessary. In my view, merely constructing additional sports centres would indeed be insufficient, and more comprehensive strategies must be employed.
Supporters of increased sports facilities believe they provide essential opportunities for regular physical exercise, promoting healthier lifestyles. Easy access to gyms, parks, and recreational areas encourages individuals to engage more actively in physical activities, directly addressing issues like obesity and heart disease. For example, urban areas equipped with abundant sports amenities often witness greater participation rates in physical exercise among residents, correlating with improved general fitness and well-being.
However, critics rightly argue that solely expanding sports infrastructure would not significantly impact public health without complementary initiatives. Firstly, health problems frequently stem from poor dietary choices, inadequate healthcare access, and insufficient health education, issues that cannot be resolved merely by providing sports amenities. For instance, without proper nutritional awareness, people may continue consuming unhealthy diets, negating any benefits from increased physical activity. Additionally, social and economic factors, such as poverty and stress, heavily influence public health, requiring targeted interventions like better healthcare systems, dietary education, and mental health support programmes.
In my opinion, although sports facilities contribute positively to community health, focusing exclusively on this aspect neglects the broader determinants of public health. A holistic approach, incorporating education on healthy lifestyles, improved healthcare access, and initiatives to address socio-economic challenges, would be far more effective.
In conclusion, while expanding sports facilities encourages physical activity, this measure is insufficient in isolation. Addressing public health comprehensively through education, healthcare improvements, and socio-economic interventions provides a far more impactful and lasting solution.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct verb Original: advocate Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: Argue that is the natural reporting expression for this viewpoint.
- 2. Clarify the increase Original: increasing sports facilities Suggested revision: increasing the number of sports facilities Why it matters: This specifies that the number of facilities, rather than their size, would increase.
- 3. Use a direct verb Original: impact Suggested revision: affect Why it matters: Affect is the conventional verb in formal prose.
- 4. Use the mass noun Original: activities Suggested revision: activity Why it matters: Physical activity is normally uncountable when referring to exercise generally.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: witness greater participation rates Suggested revision: record higher participation rates Why it matters: Areas record rates rather than witness them.
- 6. Clarify the modifier Original: correlating with improved Suggested revision: which correlates with improved Why it matters: The relative clause clearly links higher participation with the improved outcomes.
- 7. Use neutral reporting Original: critics rightly argue Suggested revision: critics argue Why it matters: Removing rightly keeps the discussion of the opposing view neutral.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: consuming Suggested revision: eating Why it matters: People eat diets rather than consume them.
- 9. Use natural emphasis Original: heavily Suggested revision: strongly Why it matters: Strongly is the natural adverb with influence.
- 10. Use formal examples Original: interventions like better healthcare systems Suggested revision: interventions such as improved healthcare systems Why it matters: Such as and improved make the example more precise and formal.
Suggested Rewrites
- advocate argue
- increasing sports facilities increasing the number of sports facilities
- impact affect
- activities activity
- witness greater participation rates record higher participation rates
- correlating with improved which correlates with improved
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response’s strongest feature is comprehensive, balanced task fulfilment: both views are developed with clear causal reasoning and examples, and the writer’s holistic position remains explicit throughout. Its limitations are very minor, chiefly some repetition of the opinion across the fourth paragraph and conclusion and a few broad illustrative claims. The best refinement is to compress that repetition and make one example more concrete while retaining the essay’s excellent control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay fully discusses both views, presents a clear and consistent opinion, and develops each side with relevant mechanisms, examples and broader public-health determinants.
As a refinement, make the first-view example more specific by showing how facility access changed participation or health outcomes in a defined community.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is purposeful, progression is seamless and cohesive links clarify relationships without distracting from the argument.
Combine the separate opinion paragraph with the conclusion or differentiate them more sharply to remove slight repetition.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise and natural, with effective control of terms such as “sports infrastructure,” “complementary initiatives,” “nutritional awareness” and “broader determinants.”
Maintain this precision while replacing the slightly generic phrase “societies worldwide” with a more direct opening to the debate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with consistently strong agreement, subordination and punctuation.
Preserve this high level of control while shortening a few heavily modified sentences for maximum economy and impact.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.