It is the responsibility of a government to protect its citizens from natural disasters. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is believed that a government should be responsible for the safety of its residents during natural disasters such as tsunami or volcano eruption. I personally agree with the statement, and the following essay will discuss in details regarding the statement.
To begin with, it is mandatory for the government to protect its people during the natural disaster. It is undeniable that the existence of the citizens has given significant contribution the development of a nation. Taxes that are collected from these people have been used to develop public facilities, expand new areas and funding public education. Without the existence of the residents, the country would have no support, no development and no fund.
From the humanity perspective, people are born and created as a social person, which means that people will interact, communicate and help each other. And during natural disasters such as typhoon, hurricane or earthquake, there will be a lot of people who found themselves in difficult conditions. They might have lost their family members and relatives, lost their properties and even some of them were injured condition. For the sake of humanity, the government should provide aids to their residents during these inconvenience events. They could provide emergency rescues, temporary accommodations and provide foods for their people. And once the disaster has passed, the government could help the residents by assisting them in rebuilding their homes.
The government's responsibilities include broadcasting the forecast of any disaster and by improving the shelter system in natural disaster prone areas.
In conclusion, I personally agree that the government must help its residents during any natural disaster since citizens have made contributions to the government through taxes. Besides that, I believed that from the humanity point of view, we should help and take care of each other.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural examples Original: such as tsunami or volcano eruption Suggested revision: such as tsunamis or volcanic eruptions Why it matters: Plural count nouns are needed for these general examples.
- 2. Correct the phrase Original: discuss in details regarding the statement Suggested revision: discuss this view in detail Why it matters: The original combines incompatible expressions and uses the uncountable form incorrectly.
- 3. Generalize the noun Original: during the natural disaster Suggested revision: during natural disasters Why it matters: A plural noun without an article is appropriate for disasters in general.
- 4. Use direct wording Original: the existence of the citizens Suggested revision: citizens Why it matters: The abstract phrase is unnecessarily wordy in this context.
- 5. Fix noun phrase Original: given significant contribution the development Suggested revision: made a significant contribution to the development Why it matters: The phrase needs an article, the natural verb, and the preposition to.
- 6. Choose correct verb Original: expand Suggested revision: develop Why it matters: Areas are developed rather than expanded when public funds improve them.
- 7. Keep verbs parallel Original: funding Suggested revision: fund Why it matters: The coordinated verbs after used to must share the base form.
- 8. Remove wordiness Original: Without the existence of the residents Suggested revision: Without residents Why it matters: The shorter phrase states the same meaning more naturally.
- 9. Use uncountable noun Original: fund Suggested revision: funding Why it matters: Funding is the appropriate uncountable noun for financial support.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: From the humanity perspective Suggested revision: From a humanitarian perspective Why it matters: Humanitarian is the correct adjective for a perspective based on concern for people.
- 11. Fix number agreement Original: people are born and created as a social person Suggested revision: people are social beings Why it matters: The singular phrase a social person does not agree with the plural subject.
- 12. Keep tense consistent Original: found Suggested revision: find Why it matters: The present tense is required in this general statement.
Suggested Rewrites
- such as tsunami or volcano eruption such as tsunamis or volcanic eruptions
- discuss in details regarding the statement discuss this view in detail
- during the natural disaster during natural disasters
- the existence of the citizens citizens
- given significant contribution the development made a significant contribution to the development
- expand develop
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and offers several relevant forms of government support, with the humanitarian paragraph providing its strongest development. However, some reasoning is simplistic, the prevention point is left as an isolated assertion, and frequent language errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each main reason with a clear explanation of how government action protects citizens, supported by a specific, credible example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response clearly agrees and presents relevant reasons and practical measures, although development is uneven and the brief prevention point is unsupported.
Develop each main claim through a clear cause-and-effect explanation and one specific example of effective disaster preparation or response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through government obligation, humanitarian support, and prevention, but the one-sentence fourth paragraph disrupts the otherwise clear structure.
Integrate the prevention point into a developed body paragraph and use referencing rather than repeatedly beginning sentences with simple additive links.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of disaster-related vocabulary, but frequent collocation and word-choice problems reduce precision and naturalness.
Improve control of common academic collocations and uncountable nouns, especially expressions concerning aid, food, contributions, and adverse events.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, despite recurring errors with articles, agreement, prepositions, and sentence construction.
Proofread systematically for missing articles and prepositions, then correct agreement and incomplete passive constructions before finalising the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is the responsibility of a government to protect its citizens from natural disasters. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.