Some people believe that government spends too much money on space research while there are still a lot of problems on the earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
I am in total agreement with the statement. Apropos of the statement, very expensive space research programs are straining the government budget, jeopardising essential and more pertinent issues like education and healthcare which impact majority of the population especially in developing countries.
Many developing nations, as well as third world countries, still have extremely poor literacy rates & very high percentage of people lack access to even primary education. Very few people who can get basic skills like reading and writing are unemployable due to lack of proper vocational training. The government resources should be spent on something as basic and important as employable education.
Basic health care is also one of the most important issues. Exponentially increasing medical costs are making access to primary health care out of reach for many. Maximum countries still lack the basic medical infrastructure. Governments should prioritise medical research making health care accessible & far-reaching. Crime control, law and justice departments need more attention and budget and mass people are being directly affected with the lacking of basic needs. When many people starve every day and lots of people are not getting proper treatment, space research seems a luxury we can’t afford. We need to focus on the very basic needs first and then when we have the capability to conduct the space research, only then we should continue this.
To conclude, though some think that space programs are essential for the advancement of science and technologies, a multitude of basic problems like education & medical & health care should be given a paramount importance.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct transition Original: Apropos of the statement Suggested revision: Regarding this issue Why it matters: The revision introduces the budget argument directly and avoids an unnecessarily ornate expression.
- 2. Clarify budget diversion Original: jeopardising essential and more pertinent issues Suggested revision: diverting funds from more essential priorities Why it matters: Research spending can divert funding from priorities, whereas it cannot jeopardise the issues themselves.
- 3. Add required article Original: impact majority of the population Suggested revision: affect the majority of the population Why it matters: The noun phrase requires 'the', and 'affect' is the more natural verb here.
- 4. Remove redundant category Original: Many developing nations, as well as third world countries Suggested revision: Many developing countries Why it matters: The two categories overlap, and 'third world' is an imprecise outdated label.
- 5. Complete coordinated clause Original: & very high percentage Suggested revision: and a very high percentage Why it matters: Formal prose should use 'and', and the singular countable phrase requires the article 'a'.
- 6. Use possessive noun Original: government Suggested revision: government's Why it matters: The resources belong to the government, so the possessive form is required.
- 7. Name vocational preparation Original: employable Suggested revision: vocational Why it matters: 'Vocational education' is the standard term for training that develops job-related skills.
- 8. Avoid unsupported precision Original: Exponentially increasing Suggested revision: Rapidly rising Why it matters: 'Exponentially' makes a precise mathematical claim that the response does not establish.
- 9. Correct reach structure Original: are making access to primary health care out of reach Suggested revision: are putting primary health care out of reach Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'put something out of reach'.
- 10. Use quantity determiner Original: Maximum Suggested revision: Most Why it matters: 'Most' is the correct determiner for the majority of countries.
- 11. Use institutional terms Original: Crime control, law and justice departments Suggested revision: Law-enforcement and justice departments Why it matters: The revision names the relevant public institutions concisely and avoids overlapping categories.
- 12. Use natural quantity phrase Original: mass people Suggested revision: large numbers of people Why it matters: 'Mass people' is not a standard English expression for a large population.
Suggested Rewrites
- Apropos of the statement Regarding this issue
- jeopardising essential and more pertinent issues diverting funds from more essential priorities
- impact majority of the population affect the majority of the population
- Many developing nations, as well as third world countries Many developing countries
- & very high percentage and a very high percentage
- government government's
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response takes an unambiguous position and supports it with relevant priorities, especially education, healthcare, and basic welfare in developing countries. Its main limitation is that several points are asserted broadly or expressed imprecisely, while the healthcare paragraph accumulates too many loosely connected concerns. The highest-priority improvement is to develop two central arguments through clear comparisons between the cost or benefit of space research and specific public needs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with relevant discussion of education, healthcare, and basic needs, although some claims remain broad or insufficiently substantiated.
Develop two main priorities with specific explanations of how reallocating space-research funding would improve public outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from its position to education and healthcare, but the third paragraph combines several concerns and becomes loosely focused.
Give healthcare, crime, and basic welfare distinct roles, or retain only the strongest two arguments and develop them in focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A reasonably wide range includes precise items such as 'jeopardising', 'vocational training', and 'medical infrastructure', but inaccurate collocations occur regularly.
Replace unnatural phrases such as 'maximum countries', 'mass people', and 'the lacking of basic needs' with direct, idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied sentence structures, though recurring errors with articles, agreement, clause boundaries, and countable nouns reduce accuracy.
Proofread article and agreement patterns, especially 'a high percentage of people', 'the majority of the population', and 'paramount importance'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that government spends too much money on space research while there are still a lot of problems on the earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.